


Music and Silence- A Reylo AU

by bee_stings



Category: Bridget Jones's Diary - All Media Types, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Rock Music RPF, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-23 11:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 63,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20891450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bee_stings/pseuds/bee_stings
Summary: Ben Sullivan owns New Order Advertising with his best friend Huxley Andrews. A New graphic designer joins the company, Rae Walker and throws his world into chaos after he already made a terrible first impression on her on a night out.Really enjoyed writing my Star Wars books, this is a Reylo AU only in that I'm using star wars character names- Think modern Bridget Jones Diary/Pride and Prejudice with my music taste thrown in (metal). Actually, my life thrown in.Ben Solo- Ben SullivanRey- Rae WalkerArmitage Hux- Huxley AndrewsPhasma- PhoebeIf you like this check out my other story Star Wars Episode IX - Balance of the Force, Rise of Skywalker and the World between Worlds.





	1. Introductions

Ben Sullivan sat at the high bar table that overlooked the dance floor of his favourite club, nursing a whiskey on the rocks. He and Huxley Andrews were loyal patrons and knew all the staff well; the resident DJ Mike was a friend. They had been coming here for years. The scene was dark, dingy and in the daylight almost certainly dirty; somewhere you would not want to go because in the light of day it was, he had to admit, shitty. Ben and Hux had been coming here since they were teenagers and it was their kind of place; alternative music and cheap drinks, nothing fancy or pretentious precisely the way they liked it. This table was always reserved for them, not with a sign but everyone silently knew it was there's and it gave the best view over the whole club- the dance floor, the main bar, the entrance everything but the bathrooms. That's why Ben liked it; he enjoyed watching everything from above.

Always a bit of a loner, Ben knew perfectly well his strengths and weaknesses. He knew Hux's too. He and Hux were unconventional. Both very tall, though Ben was the taller of the pair. Neither considered attractive by conventional standards. Hux was very skinny, though Ben had never met anyone who ate as much as Hux did. The man was someone girls would hate because his incredibly slim physique was all genetics. A metabolism that meant the man was always eating. Ben had also never met anyone who could drink as much, he might be a slight man, but he was not a lightweight, he was the perfect drinking companion. Hux used this all to his advantage; his clothes were tight-fitting, showing off his big feet and taut muscles. Yes, he had an incredible metabolism, but he and Ben liked to exercise. Neither was much for team sports but mountain biking, rock climbing, winter sports, water sports, skateboarding and swimming they did them all and mostly together. Every inch of Hux was muscle; you couldn't drink as much he did and not work out if you wanted to wear clothes as tight as he did. Hux also sported a mane of bright auburn hair, sun-bleached in places but mostly just ginger. He kept it long and well-groomed, as well as the full perfectly trimmed beard. He wore his unconventional look with pride, and it worked. Far more confident always in his physical appearance than Ben had ever been.

Ben was imposing physically, taller than Hux by well over an inch he towered over everyone he ever met, and it made him awkward. On top of being well over 6ft, unlike Hux he was broad as well, giving the appearance of being even more enormous than he was. Ben's hair was raven black, and long. It hung in waves occasionally covering a lot of his face along with his dark goatee, but his dark eyes and broad nose were distinctly visible. The individual features of his face he knew were all prominent and large. Everything about him was big. His ears stuck out, his mouth was full, and his nose was rather significant. On a smaller man, it might look ridiculous, but on him, it worked. He'd been informed on several occasions he was handsome. Like the Renaissance men of old, chiselled and attractive- not pretty. Though on many occasions Hux had said his eyes were just too pretty to be in his face although Ben was quite sure his friend was joking. Like Hux, his body was taut and firm pretty much all over; shredded some might say and again just big. Thankfully for Ben, his physical appearance and wardrobe choices, flattering but all black or very dark blue or grey, and his brooding look meant people generally left him alone. He appeared intimidating, scary even, and that was fine with him because his one real weakness, other than his lack of confidence, was talking. Small talk specifically, that compulsory ability to start a conversation with a stranger kind of talking. He'd say something random or weird or where the only response he'd managed to muster was so short the conversation ended abruptly, and then he was lost, and so he avoided it. His lack of interpersonal skills, his self-consciousness regarding a childhood stutter and his poor ability to converse by normal standards meant Hux was his only real friend; but what a friend he was.   
They'd meet in high school- day one. They were both highly intelligent and hard-working, the way they'd stood out as kids, intelligence and education was the only way to survive; you couldn't look weird and be stupid! They'd created their company New Order Advertising together after university, but Hux was the frontman, a charmer with the words and a fast wit with killer sarcasm. Ben let Hux do the talking in almost all situations and was happy to let him take the limelight while he stood back silently. He was the ideas guy, the business-minded grafter, and that was why their friendship and business worked so perfectly.

Hux returned to their table with fresh drinks, doubles, two of them, apparently tonight Hux was on a mission.   
"Thanks," Ben raised both glasses with a sarcastic eyebrow raise.

Hux grinned at him wickedly and nodded towards the entrance.

Ben peered over the edge of their table in the direction Hux was looking to the entrance below. Four girls had just entered, and Ben instantly knew the girl that had made Hux so excited. Within the group of four were three girls with dark hair all around average height but the fourth girl staggered over them all despite wearing trainers. Her almost white-blonde hair was cut short and shaved underneath. Like Hux she wore her uniqueness well, sporting a very bold backless metallic top and tight leather-style trousers. Ben nodded understandingly she was striking, exactly the kind of girl Hux liked. He turned back to his friend, who was already tossing back the second drink eagerly.

Ben waved a hand at him.  
"Go on, go on. I'll be right here."

Hux banged the glass down loudly on the table, took a big inhale, gave his friend a huge grin and confidently strode towards the stairs that led down to the dance floor.  
Ben swept his hair out of his face as he chuckled to himself over his zealous friend- Hux ever the optimistic romantic. Ben moved to the edge of the table and watched his friend as he made his advances, sipping at his whiskey like a silent sentinel.

-X-

"Rose, Paige, what are you drinking?" Rae shouted as she squeezed her way through the crowd of people at the lower bar trying to catch Corey the bartender's eye.   
Rose mouthed something, and Paige shouted back, "Usual".  
Why did Rae even ask, she knew the answer, same as always.

She loved this place. It was grimy and dark, and before they'd got rid of the carpet in areas surrounding the tables, your shoes would stick to the floor. Disgusting but it was their place, and they wouldn't go anywhere else. It was the only place that played the music they lived for- hard and heavy. It had a decent selection of drinks all mercifully cheap, and the dance floor was a decent size. The one downside was the lack of air-con. On a busy weekend, the back doors would be kept open as the heat caused by the revelling dancers would cause condensation to drip off the ceiling. She and the girls regularly wore ridiculously little, bikinis or gym bras instead of actual underwear so if it truly got too hot, you could take off a layer. There was no dress code so dancing the night away in jeans and trainers was what everyone did and thank goodness. Rae could wear a pair of heels well without looking like Bambi or breaking her neck but if she came to dance it was flats- always!

A natural tomboy Rae was athletic rather than curvy. Naturally thin with broad shoulders and no chest insight. As a teenager, it had bothered her, but as an adult, she embraced not requiring scaffolding to keep everything in place. She was more comfortable in boys clothes than girls and boys clothes came in her favourite dark colours. Rae hated pink and anything that shouted stereotypical girly. Her fellow girlfriends were a mixture. Paige was like her athletic in build, of similar height with long dark hair, stunningly beautiful without makeup which she pretty much never wore. Her younger sister Rose was shorter and curvier and made the most of it with 50's pin-up polka dot dresses or insane prints and always with her combat boots or converse. If you got it, flaunt it and Rose did. Phoebe should've been a model rather than a lawyer. She stood significantly taller than all the girls and with her white-blonde under shaved bob and blue eyes, she stood out from the rest of them like a diamond in the rough. Tonight was no exception, they hadn't even got drinks yet, but Phoebe was already deep in conversation with a handsome, tall, sinewy man with a mop of red hair and beard to match. Rae rolled her eyes as the man took Phoebe's elbow in his hand and talked into her ear, and she leaned back, laughing loudly. _Here we go again,_ she thought.

"Hey, Rae, what you after?" Corey asked her.

"Hey, Corey. Is the cider on tap tonight?"

"Nah, we're out at the mo."

"Shoot. Gin it is then please."

"Doubles with tonic?"

"Is there any other way?"

Corey presented her with her drinks, good man he'd done two sets of doubles with tonic in pint glasses. That'd keep them going for a while.

"Cheers, Corey."

He gave her a wicked wink, and she gave her most charming smile.

"Oh hey, you still good to help out at Paige's hen party?"

"You know it," Corey replied winking again.

God, he was gorgeous. _Was it compulsory for bar staff to be beautiful and superb at flirting?_ Corey fitted the bill for sure. The epitome of a wannabe rock-star working in a bar part-time.  
Tattooed arms, tunnels and long, floppy blonde hair. _Why was it when guys grew their hair long it was so beautiful and required next to no work? So unfair_, Rae thought to herself as she gave Corey's body in his tight black t-shirt a quick glance before squeezing her way back out of the queue, drinks held high for safety.

Rose and Paige took their drinks from her gratefully.

"What happened to girl's night?" Rae queried nodding towards Phoebe and her new catch.

"What almost always happens- a guy," Paige said.

"Well, I'm all about the dancing tonight," Rae said back.

"I could take a little tall, handsome stranger," Rose said, looking over at Phoebe.  
Paige elbowed her sister laughing. "What? He's cute," Rose responded.

As if in answer to Rae's wish the introductory riffs of a familiar song started up.  
_Ah, the genius of Mr Borland._

"Come on ladies," Rae said as she strolled straight up to Phoebe shoving the other pint glass at her.

"Hi, handsome," she said as the stranger gave her a warm smile and Phoebe took the drink.

"You know where to find us," Rae said to Phoebe as her, and the girls headed for the front of the dance floor already moving to Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff.


	2. First Impressions

Ben watched as the three other girls made their way to the dance floor and Hux continued the charm offensive on the leggy blonde. He'd seen Hux in action before, and he rarely failed. Ben leaned on the railing of the upper level as he surveyed the gathered crowd of dancers on the floor. His head nodded along to the familiar beat. He liked this song in fact he loved this band. Ben had rhythm, and he could dance, he'd actually had a few dance lessons, as part of a family wedding, he knew how to lead, how to hold your partner but no power on this earth was going to get him down there dancing among the bodies of strangers. Hux would try if he really liked this girl. To his friend's credit, Hux always did try to include Ben, but Ben always adamantly refused. Ben knew it made him come across as arrogant and even rude, but the thought was simply too terrifying, let alone the action and so he brooded and surveyed from above. He should get the club to pay him to do security; he'd do a better job than the bouncers did. Ben could see the drunken issues before they occurred, the fights, the sexual encounters unwarranted and reciprocated as well as the subtle drug exchanges. From here, he could see everything.

Right now Ben was enjoyably occupied watching the three girls on the dance floor. Writhing around like everyone else but unlike a lot of the other girls Ben had watched over the years these girls were not trying to attract attention they were there for the music, to dance and let go, creating a protective circle while never missing a beat. If a guy looked like he was going to be a nuisance, they'd switch places within their circle till he got the hint. When a particularly heavy track came on the dancing became a mass of hair as the girls head-banged to the heavy riffs or arched back shouting the lyrics. Ben smiled as he watched them. Of the three, two were his type; slim and athletic. One of the girls in particular, who wore a cut-up BMTH T-Shirt that flashed her side ribs, was fascinating. She was dressed entirely in black with dark eye makeup. She had a couple of intriguing tattoos visible as she moved. One on her ankle a matching pair on each of her wrists. There was another on her other ankle some sort of geometric pattern that Ben couldn't quite make out. He wondered if she had any more he couldn't see. Her hair was dark and mid-length, longer than his and under the poor lighting it gave off an icy glow as it whipped about.

The song changed, and the three girls gave each other a knowing look and left the dance floor heading for the bar. The long-limed blonde was coming over to them as they did so bringing Hux with her. It was going well, and that was bad for Ben. He gulped the whiskey down in his glass and grabbed the second Hux had bought him as he watched Hux point in his direction.

"Shit."

Ben started psyching himself up internally for the inevitable introductions that would ultimately follow. _Must try not to sound like a nutter or come across as a psychopath_ he thought to himself. He tensed and untensed the hand not holding his whiskey as he watched the group of five make their way up the stairs aiming in his direction. He wiped a hand on his jeans and took another gulp of whiskey, took his leave of the railing and stood up straight at the front of their designated table.

-X-

"Rae, Paige, Rose this is Hux," Phoebe said grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Hux?" Rae inquired. Had she heard that right cos that was a freaking weird name?

"Huxley Andrews but everyone just calls me Hux," he responded as he extended his hand and shook each of theirs.

_Nice firm handshake_ Rae thought. _Good_.

"Can I get you ladies some more drinks?" Hux enquired, "I'm all out myself."

The girls exchanged looks, was this guy for real? All of them? Really?

"Absolutely," Rose responded for them.

"Let's go to the bar upstairs, it's quieter, and I can introduce you to my friend." As Hux said, friend, he turned and pointed to a dark figure leaning on the upstairs railing. The figure gave a nod of acknowledgement nothing more.

"Isn't he security?" Paige asked.

Hux laughed, "No, he's just happier up there than down here. Less of a crowd."

The girls nodded like they understood, but not sure if they did. Rae peered at the man again as he looked in their direction. Handsome not gorgeous like Corey but compelling. He was dressed entirely in black, with shaggy long black hair and a goatee, his eyes were intense even from a distance. Not too shabby. Behind her, Rose shouted in her ear.  
"BDE."

"Shhh!" Rae responded.

"Seriously Rae look at him BDE."

"Will you shut up."

As they mounted the stairs, he moved away from the railing and stood fully upright in front of the table.

_Jesus, he's tall_.

"Make that just big energy. Big, big energy. He's all yours, that is way too much man for me," Rose whispered again, complete with arm gestures.

"I swear to god Rose," Rae said, turning on her slightly.

"Ow!" Rose moaned as Paige hit her in the arm.

"Ladies may I introduce my best friend and business partner, Ben Sullivan. Ben this is Rae, Paige, Rose and this is Phoebe." Hux made the introductions with one arm around Phoebe's back.

Ben nodded at each of the girls and awkwardly shook Phoebe's hand and then went back to how he'd been standing.

Rae raised her eyebrows. _Is that it? That's the introductions._

Paige stepped forward.

"Hi, Ben. Nice to meet you," she said as she plonked herself down on a barstool next to him.

Ben looked down at her and visibly gulped and muttered a brief hi back.

"Drinks," Hux said, attempting to break the incredibly awkward atmosphere.

Phoebe looked at the girls, "Same again?"

"Yes, goddammit. More gin. Fill me up goddammit fill me up; I demand to have more booze!"  
Rose shouted, heading to one of the other bar stools.

Rae laughed, and for a moment she thought she saw a smile touch the corners of Ben's mouth, it could've been a twitch. The next moment the blank expression had returned, and he was looking at her dead on. She stared right back, cocking her head and raising her eyebrows.  
_What the fuck was he looking at?_  
Guys who wanted her physically didn't look at her like that. They looked predatory, hungry. He was just point blank observing. Arsehole. She walked right up to him till she was stood right under his penetrating gaze; he never even blinked. A smirk touched her mouth, and her eyes narrowed. She looked him up and down like a piece of meat, she could do predatory well, and she knew it. She then cocked her head to one side, looking up to his face again.

He merely brought his drink to his lips, drained it and swallowed. Then sidestepped out from her stare back to his position overlooking the floor below. Rae was utterly taken aback. What an absolute dickhead. She pulled an incredulous face at the girls. Rose sat mouth dropped open in disbelief. Paige sat next to her shaking her head in shame at her friend. Rae laughed and took another of the seats at the table.

"Dare I ask how my hen party is going girls?" Paige inquired trying to change the awkward moment.

Rose and Rae eyed each other.

"Good yeah good," Rae responded.

"Can I know any details?"

"Nope," Rose and Rae responded in unison.

"Here we go ladies, three double gin and tonics twice. Apparently, that's a thing here." Hux stated planting the glasses on the table between the girls.

"If only it was a thing everywhere," Rose said, taking her glass and looking at it as though it were liquid gold.

Hux smiled, and the girls laughed. Paige put an arm around her sister, "God girl, we need to get you a guy."

"Please, please do," Rose responded.

Rae watched as Hux smiled again. _How could he be so amiable and his friend such a dick?_

"Anyone you know single Hux?" she asked.

He smiled, "Well uh, Ben is single actually."

"Really," Rose stated mockingly giving Rae a look.

"No, shit," Rae said loudly, "anyone else?"

"Not that come to mind immediately, but I can work on it. Excuse me a second." Hux walked to where Ben's back was to them, whiskey shots in hand.

Hux put an arm around Ben's shoulder.

"Dude what are you doing? Why are you ignoring everyone? Did you try to say hi after I left?" he whispered to him harshly.

Ben looked at him with that look, "I said, hi."

_Why couldn't Ben use that look on a girl? The puppy dog eyes look. The 'please don't shout at me' look._ Instead, Hux knew the look Ben would've given the girls, the look he got when he spoke to anyone new, that deer in headlights look. Blank, unnerving verging on psychotic. Hux sighed, leaning his head on Ben's shoulder.

"What am I going to do with you?" he said, shaking Ben's shoulders. "You know what you look like don't you, standing here staring at people. Not getting involved. Paige thought you were a security guard!"

Behind him, Hux heard the girls all shouting excitedly. He listened back into the sound of the music which he'd temporarily zoned out. Rob Zombie Superbeast.

Phoebe came to his side, "We're gonna go dance, you coming?"

"Yeah gimme one more minute."

She smiled at him radiantly before Rose dragged her back towards the stairs.

"Ben come on, man. Stop watching life and start living it. That girl Rae is very pretty, definitely your type. Please try to come and dance with us."

Ben looked over at him.  
"You're right she is pretty but not pretty enough to tempt me," he said as he tilted his head towards the floor again. "You're wasting your time with me, go enjoy yourself."

Hux sighed at him again and squeezed his shoulder.

"Ok big man."

As Hux walked away from him, Ben turned to watch him go and saw the girl Rae staring at him arms crossed an angry expression on her face. _Oh fuck_. _Did she hear what he said?_ _Did she misinterpret it?_ He stood up straight and looked at her, trying to read her. She raised a hand in a fist and slowly raised a middle finger in his direction, smiled maliciously, then casually turned and headed down the stairs to join her friends. Ben closed his eyes and sighed. _Fuck_. It didn't really matter, he didn't know her, and she didn't know him, and that was unlikely to change.

..........................................

The lights in the club came on as Deftones Change in the House of Flies finished, and Mike the DJ thanked everyone for coming. It was late or early depending on how you looked at it. Outside predawn light would make the Sunday morning all grey.

Ben watched Rose, Paige and Rae release each other from a group hug before heading over towards the cloakroom. Rae held back and headed to the bar. Corey, the barman, leaned over and said something to her she smiled at him, he kissed her on the cheek and then handed her a card. She took it laughing at him and then joined the other girls who'd got their belongings. They all stood in a group putting coats on and bags waiting for Hux and Phoebe to realise the music had stopped, and the lights were on. The two were locked in a rather embarrassing display of teenage lust, full-blown kissing hair a tousled mess in the hands of each other.

Ben sighed and started making his way down the stairs. The girls were doing what they could to subtly get the two lovers to realise the night was over- tapping feet, coughing loudly. Ben strolled quietly over and simply touched Hux on the shoulder with his index finger then turned and joined the girls. He knew Hux had felt it and that he'd soon pull back from Phoebe and as Ben stood there staring at his feet, hands in his pockets until the girls stopped giggling and then Ben looked up. Phoebe had buried her face embarrassed into Hux's shoulder. Hux was giving him the 'do I have lipstick on my face look?' Ben smiled at Hux and shook his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Rae looking at him bemused; he turned his head to her, smiling just slightly. Looking at her in the harsh light of the fluorescent bulbs he could see she wasn't just pretty- she was beautiful.

"Nice jacket," he said.

She looked down at her leather biker jacket then back at him.

"Night arsehole," she said before turning on her heel closely followed by Paige and Rose and leaving.

Ben watched them leave then turned to Hux and Phoebe who were entering numbers into each other's phones before Phoebe grabbed Hux's face once more in a hard kiss smiling and racing after her friends.

Hux watched her then came to Ben, wrapping an arm around his back.

"Oh, man, she's perfect. She's an angel."

"Ok, mate. Ok, Let's go home."


	3. You've Got to be Kidding

Rae woke up to the sound of her cursed alarm telling her it was time to get up. She was bleary-eyed and definitely needed more sleep. Saturday night which had turned into Sunday morning had meant Sunday itself had been more of an evening sitting in comfies eating takeaway pizza feeling exhausted. Everyone except Phoebe, of course, who was annoyingly exuberant.

"Phoebe Jesus, you're making my hangover worse. Please shut up. I'm thrilled he called, I'm thrilled you're seeing him again, and yes we all saw how cute he was but for the love of all things holy, sir down and shut up."

It had taken many such rantings to get Phoebe to sit down, eat pizza and watch the film quietly. It hadn't lasted, however, because soon the teasing began about Hux's brooding friend and the staring standoff that had occurred between herself and him. According to the girls, Rae had lost.

"Uh, I'm having a bath and going to bed," Rae had exclaimed annoyed. "I got Corey's number didn't I, back off."

"That's for Paige's hen party!" Rose had exclaimed.

"Still got it and I'll get there."

"Really? The barman? I mean he's cute, but kind of full of himself and if you bugger it up, it's no more pints of gin."

"Night guys."

Rae had tried to relax in the bath, but she couldn't. Her mind was buzzing with the girls teasing words about Ben and Corey. She growled as she lowered herself under the water allowing it to wash over her head hoping the water would silence the voices in her head; it didn't. Rae got out and then went straight to bed it was a big day tomorrow; her first day at her new place of employment, New Order Advertising.

"Get up Rae," she said as she forced herself upright turning off the hellish noise that was her alarm. She was not a morning person. Stretching with a big yawn, she dragged herself to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later grey jeans, black sweater, simple makeup, DC trainers, biker jacket and satchel and she was good to go. She grabbed her reusable bamboo cup, made a tea in it and grabbing her sketch pad, and pencil case stuffed them into her satchel with her laptop and hauled herself out the door towards the tube. As the door slammed shut behind her, she heard the shouts of 'good luck' from Phoebe and Rose. Headphones in, music on, and cup in hand she marched to the tube.

London was a great place to live if you liked people and she did. She was a social creature. People, more specifically, her friends were everything to her. Rey wasn't bothered by the mass of people crushing her on the tube or racing up and down London's many underground's escalators and stairs. She stood on the tube leaning against a rail reading her book; Pride and Prejudice the edges tatty from use. It would be at least forty minutes and two changes until she arrived at her destination.

She got off at her stop; it was only four more stops to the club they'd been at on Saturday night. Conveniently close for a Friday night quickie she thought as she headed down the street phone in hand checking she was walking in the right direction.

Like many buildings in London, the office of New Order Advertising was within an old building. The architecture was stunning pale yellow stone, the edges of which had been worn over time and with vast single-paned windows. _Gonna be nice and cold in the winter_ she thought as she headed inside. New Order Advertising didn't own the whole building, just rented a floor, and it was the top one. There was a lift, but Rae was happy to take the stairs. She jogged up the stairs lightly then headed through the double glass doors and stood in front of the reception desk waiting for the redhead with 80's style glasses and long polished nails to finish her phone conversation.

"Welcome to New Order Advertising, how can I help you?"

Rae saw an ID around the girl's neck- Janie.

"Morning Janie. I'm Rae. It's my first day. I'm the new graphic designer."

Janie gave her a blank expression before looking at her computer.  
"Rae Walker?"

"Yep, that's me."

Janie rifled about in her drawers and produced a blank ID card and started filling sections in.  
"Do you have your passport photo?"

"Um yeah," Rae responded rummaging about in her satchel for her purse. Opening it, she extracted the photo she'd had taken last week and handed it over.

"Nice likeness," Janie commented. "So often it looks nothing like the person."

"Thanks."

Rae was stood there awkwardly waiting for Janie to provide her with her email and her ID when a familiar face strode through the entrance doors. Tight jeans, tight T-Shirt and a casual blazer but the feature that made him truly stand out as familiar was the bright auburn hair and beard.

"Hux?"

"Rae? Hi. How....how are you?"  
Hux came over and embraced her warmly, taking her back slightly. _Ok, apparently he's a hugger, and we are on hugging terms_.

"Oh um hi," Rae said, releasing herself and awkwardly brushing her hair from her face.

"You look different, nice different," he said. "What you doing here?"

Before Rae could respond, Janie did on her behalf.

"Finn hired her Sir; she's our new graphic designer."

"Right, right," Hux responded, "Rae Walker".

"Sir?" Rae queried.

"Uh yeah. New Order Advertising is mine and Ben's company. Welcome to the team."  
Hux stretched his arms out in a sort of jazz hands motion as if to say _ta-da!_

"You and Ben own New Order Advertising?"

"Uh yeah, yeah we do."

"You've got to be kidding me," Rae muttered half under her breath.  
Hux grimaced apologetically at Rae's clear annoyance that her new job involved Ben but was all smiles again as Janie finished the ID and placed it in a lanyard and he popped it over Rae's head. 

"Come on, this way. Let's get you to your desk."

Hux lead her through the office it was industrial looking and open. Sizeable black metal pillars holding up the glass gallery that overlooked the main office space. The main area was lots of group tables and shared booths all with computers and display boards. A glass meeting room was to the left with privacy glass and to the right the kitchen area. She'd been here before for her interview with Mr Storm- Finn, but no one had mentioned Hux or Ben, certainly not by their first names or if they had she'd not seen a photograph of them or twigged on actually meeting them on Saturday night.

Rae looked up to the glass gallery above and caught the view of the unmistakable physique and colouring of Ben leaning his back against the glass, encased in dark jeans and a dark blazer. She tensed her hands. She did not want to be working this close to that, that-twat. Her angry thought process halted as Hux stopped at an empty desk in direct view of the glass gallery above.

"Here we are, this is your desk, the design team all sit in this area, group meetings on this table." Hux motioned to the surrounding tables with his hands.

"Finn will be in soon to give you your workload, we are crazy busy, been needing a designer inline with our vision and style for a while. So, yeah, get comfy. Nice cup by the way we like saving the planet around here," he said as he started walking towards the metal spiral staircase that led to the gallery above.   
"Kitchen is over there if you need a top-up," he pointed to his right as he walked away from her. "Laters."

"Laters. Thank you."

He waved behind him as he entered the gallery and she watched as he headed straight to Ben, taking him by the arm. She watched Ben turn around slowly and stare down at her, as she sat, attempting to hide behind her screen.

"Fuck."

She got her phone out and immediately opened WhatsApp to the girl's group.

_Phoebe_, _Rose, Paige._  
_You are never going to believe this. My new job- is working for Hux and Ben. They own New Order Advertising_!

_Phoebe: Oh! Did Hux ask about me?_

_Rose: Shit. BDE and you are meant to be._

_Paige: No comment._

_Me: I seriously don't know sometimes why I'm friends with you guys._

_Rose: Uh, cos, we're awesome._

_Paige: Cos we're the only ones who can tolerate you._

_Rae: What?_

_Phoebe: Cos, you're _a_ bitch!_  
_Paige: Agreed._  
_Rose: What they said_.

Rae took a breath. _Suck it up Rae; this is your dream job_. She unpacked her sketch pad, laptop and pencil case and started to try and make her space her own. She took her cup, got a tea top-up from the kitchen area returned to her desk and sketched while she waited for Finn to get in.

-X-

The open call Ben had been on in the office ended. From the gallery, Ben looked down into the office specifically at the desk their new graphic designer Rae was sat at.

"Did you know when we met her on Saturday?" he queried.

"As clueless as you were until I bumped into her this morning," Hux replied.

"She seems less.... intimidating today," Ben said as he watched her cross the office to the kitchen.

"Intimidating? Rae's not intimidating. She's tiny," Hux exclaimed.

"She certainly thinks she is," Ben responded, as he folded his arms across his chest and continued surveying.

"Ben, you're intimidating," Hux said, waving his arm about Ben's general appearance.

"I think she'd disagree with you. She wasn't scared of me, Saturday, she kind of squared up to me, she stared right at me, no one's ever done that before. Everyone is scared of me."

"I'm not scared of you."

"You don't count."

"That hurts Ben," Hux said mock aghast his hand over his heart as though he'd been mortally wounded.

-X-

Downstairs Rae had been happily preoccupied, drawing a pair of intense dark eyes when a tap on her shoulder made her jump.

"Jesus!" she exclaimed as she pulled her headphones out.

"Sorry, sorry didn't mean to frighten you," a voice laughed back.

"Mr Storm," Rae stood and shook his hand.

"Finn, please. So all settled in, ready to start?"

"Absolutely."

"Ok so got a few little things we could do with your input on and then we have a major contract with Starkiller fashion that we're super excited about."

"Starkiller fashion?"

"Yeah. Whole new advertising campaign. They want a new logo, new website, adverts, the works."

"I love that label. So futuristic."

"Well, it looks like we got the right person for the job then doesn't it."

This was exactly the reason this was Rae's dream job. This company was picky about its clients- alternative fashion brands and environmentally friendly projects. It was never gonna be the megabucks, but that wasn't important to her, the work was.

At that moment a man sauntered over to Finn. Older than anyone else she'd met so far with dark curly hair tinted with grey. He was kind of short, with a shadow on his face despite being cleanly shaved. A shadow that Rae knew would be stubble by the end of the day. He gave her a smile that was utterly charming with a hint of roguish humour followed by a wink.

"Morning Poe, this is the new girl Rae," Finn offered, and Rae extended her hand. "Poe is head of creative direction- TV adverts, billboards you name it."

"Rae, like Ray of sunshine?" Poe asked as he shook her hand.

"Do I look like a ray of sunshine to you?" Rae asked, arching her eyebrows. Sunshine was never something she'd tried to channel and hoped very much that, that wasn't the look she'd achieved. Poe laughed.

"Guess not. Nice to meet you Rae welcome to the team."

"Thanks".

.................................................

Rae had looked at the work Finn had given her. Some were quick fixes from current clients who wanted a small thing changed to the designs the previous graphic designer had done. For the last few hours, however, Rae had been working on the Starkiller fashion label project, doing preliminary sketches for logos in her sketchpad and then transferring the best to her graphics pad. She was in the zone or was until she noticed a dark presence over her desk.  
She peered up from her work. _Please not Ben, please not Ben._ Her eyes raised and there he was, raven black hair, dark jeans and a dark casual jacket over a blue T-Shirt. It occurred to Rae that Ben Sullivan was actually good looking not in the traditional sense that say Poe was but there was something about his features together, his frame and his eyes; shame he was such a creepy freak and a right royal arsehole.  
_Be nice Rae; this is your boss_.  
She removed her headphones and smiled up at him but was pretty sure it came across utterly fake.  
"Can I help you, Sir?" she asked as pleasantly as she could muster.

He didn't say anything just reached one large hand down to her headphone, placing it in his ear. She hadn't paused the music, and she watched him smile. The smile made her catch her breath slightly. Creepy freak or not the man was alluring, darkly handsome; she had to give him that.

"Classical. Interesting," Ben said as he put the headphone back on her desk.

"I have eclectic taste. Classical helps me focus. It's extremely emotive," Rae responded.

"Yes. I like Max Richter myself."

She looked at him, slightly shocked.   
"Yeah, I love Max Richter and Ludovico Einaudi."

He nodded and walked away. _What the??? _The man was baffling, utterly bewilderingly baffling. She put her headphone back in and got back to her work.


	4. The Party

Days had turned to weeks and weeks had turned to months; life work and love had all flourished in that time.

Phoebe had initially stayed over every other Saturday, then once in the week too, and now she was practically living with Hux in the apartment he shared with Ben.  
Life had a new routine. Saturday night with the girls more often than not at the club occasionally meeting for a meal on a Friday as three of them worked in the same place. A new regular had also joined the group. Finn had become friendly with Rae, and she had introduced him to Rose, and they had hit it off immediately. Both were insanely positive; being around them together almost gave one a headache. Ben enjoyed this new routine, this new group of people to listen to. In the club, he'd sit and listen to their animated and amusing stories around their usual table. He'd stand and watch their energetic escapades on the dance floor. He was extremely impressed when a particularly persistent man made a pass at Rae and groped her arse. She'd promptly turned around with a flirtatious smile; the guy actually had thought it had worked- how wrong he was. She'd grabbed the guy's crotch area hard and pushed the guy against a wall. Ben hadn't been able to hear what she said, but he saw her arm tensing as she'd squeezed hard and the pained expression on the man's face. When she'd released him, he'd scarpered.   
When the girls had come back upstairs in fits of giggles, Paige had been shouting loudly with Rose.

"Don't touch me without my permission."

Rae had been smiling. So that's what she'd said. _Good for her_.

He'd watched annoyed as Rae flirted with the barman Corey. Corey wasn't a bad guy really, though there was certainly no love lost between him and Hux who despised the man for profoundly personal and understandable reasons. Corey had worked at the club for years, and Ben had watched him play the same routine with lots of girls. Lots and lots of girls. Mildly interested unless they looked like they might put out, Rae would just be another notch on his bedpost. Maybe that was ok with her, it was her life, but Ben felt she could do better. The moments she flirted with Corey were the only moments of this new routine that Ben did not enjoy.

He didn't even mind that he'd become a bit of a wandering nocturnal creature. When Phoebe stayed over, and the vibrations of her and Hux's bedroom activities kept him awake, he'd go out. Sometimes he'd walk listening to music, but more often than not he'd grab his motorcycle jacket and helmet and get on his motorbike and ride along the river. The Thames at night was far superior to the way it looked by day; dark and glittering from the street lights overhead. He'd found an all-night cafe, which was more of a floating barge on the riverside that he'd become quite the regular at. Maz, the owner, would bring him a camomile tea as he gazed out across the river.   
Hux and Phoebe did try to be quiet muffling their exploits as much as possible, but even with white noise playing through his headphones, he could feel the vibrations through his bed frame. He couldn't do this much longer; the pair seemed inseparable. Perhaps they could soundproof the bedrooms? Get some rugs. These were the things Ben pondered over when he sat in the café. The turn his life had taken, it was fuller, was he happier? He thought so, but he was acutely aware of how much Rae occupied his thoughts. What was he going to do about that?

Ben came back into the apartment at just past midnight. Hux was stood in the kitchen in his boxers, getting a glass of water.  
"You don't have to go out every time she's round Ben."

"I don't mind, but I think we should get some rugs for the bedrooms. Soundproof the walls?" he said, raising his eyebrows jokingly.

Hux grinned back, catching the meaning, "Absolutely. Good idea. It's not like we don't have the money."

Ben walked over to him and put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "You're happy. I'm happy. She's great."

"She really is. I really like her. I think she's it, the one. Is that mad? It's not been very long."

"Hey when you know, you know," Ben said, stepping back and getting himself a glass.

"Yeah."

"What are we doing next weekend?" he queried as he filled the glass with cold water from the fridge.

"Dunno usual I guess, why?"

"I thought we could throw a party, the girls, Finn, Poe, Mike some other people from work."

"Really? You want to throw a party?"

"Yeah."

"Ok man. Whatever you want." Hux went to go back to bed, and as he walked past Ben, he put a hand on his chest, "Glad you're putting yourself out there."

"Better late than never," Ben replied as Hux headed up the stairs.

"Indeed. You're organising, though."

-X-

The girls were all getting ready at theirs; even Paige had come round with her fiancé Wesley.

"How does this look?" Rae asked, standing with her arms out.

"No!" came a chorus from the girls.

"What's wrong with it?" Rae asked disgruntled. She'd made more of an effort. Leatherette skinny trousers cut out heeled boots a nice top. She was even wearing a bra and a decent lace bra, not just a sports one.

"Change the top, something... something...," Paige started.

"Less black!" Rose chimed in.

"I don't like colour, I feel comfortable in black," Rae explained.

"You hide in black. I'm not saying colour I'm just saying less black or sexier!" Rose retorted as she headed to Rae's wardrobe.

"Black, black, black, grey, black, oh here!" Rose pulled out a dark purple silken lacy top.

"That's a piece of underwear!" Rae exclaimed.

"And?" Phoebe said, "I've seen you dancing in your bra."

"Sports bra. Big difference."

"Not really," Rose said, shoving it at her.

"Fine," Rae said as she snatched the top. She threw off the top she'd been wearing and chucked it on, "Better?"

"God's sake, Rae," Paige stood and walked towards her shoving her hands down Rae's trousers and tucking the top in. "That's better."

Rae simply rolled her eyes at her. This sort of violation of personal space was completely acceptable amongst her and her friends.

"What do I wear for a jacket now?"

"The waterfall one?" Rose said like it was obvious.

"Hhmm." Rae went and grabbed the waterfall jacket and put it on. _Good choice_.

..................................  
T

he boys apartment was one stop from the one Rae got for work, an easily walkable distance- very convenient.

Hux welcomed the gang with hugs and pecks on cheeks.   
"Welcome ladies, welcome, come on in. Hey, beautiful," he said embracing Phoebe in a kiss.  
"You must be the famous Wesley, nice to meet you finally," Hux said as he shook Wesley's hand. "There's copious amounts of gin and tonic with your names on it and Finn is in there waiting for you Rose."

Rae entered the apartment. She wouldn't call it an apartment; it was huge, more like a warehouse- a converted factory building. High ceilings, vast open spaces, concrete floors with a wooden second-floor erected on massive steel plinths for what Rae assumed were the sleeping quarters.  
An area was zoned out as the living space with a large dark corner sofa on which a few people she knew from work were sitting- Poe, Finn and Jessica. She also recognised the DJ from the club; she hadn't realised Hux or Ben were that friendly with the staff there. Sadly Corey was not there; maybe he was working. Rae looked around to the kitchen, which maintained the industrial feel with reclaimed wood counters and a substantial concrete island on top of which snacks had been spread out and there was an array of drinks just like Hux had promised.

An impressive sound system was playing Muse in the background at an appropriate level to allow for talking without shouting. Rae walked towards one of the large windows and looked out. The buildings industrial past meant the location wasn't particularly attractive, but she could see the river as they were near the old docks and across the river she could clearly see the skyline of North London.

"Does this make Ben a bit more appealing?" Rose asked Rae as she looked around, impressed.

"No," she snapped back.

"Oh come on this place is amazing. Being this rich has got some appeal, right?"

"He's too rich!"

"No such thing," Paige piped in.

"Ben Sullivan is the last man I'd ever want to date. He's rude. He's arrogant. He's so... he's so...," she was ranting.

"Hot?" Paige attempted to finish her sentence and Rose giggled.

"Big?" Paige offered another word as Rose stretched her arms out mouthing BDE.

"No!" Rae snapped back, annoyed.

"He's not hot?" Paige questioned

"No he is, but he's such... a... a dick." Why couldn't Rae find the word for what he was because dick didn't seem sufficient?

"Big dick?" Rose questioned giggling. This time it was Phoebe who hit her on the arm as Rae glared at her friend.

"Ow! Will everyone please quit hitting me!" Rose exclaimed.

"I can count the number of words he's said to me on two hands since we met. No strike that one hand." Rae knew that was an exaggeration, but she was fed up of this conversation.

"Well hot, not hot, dick, big dick he's coming this way," Rose said sipping her drink and ducking out of the way of another back hand.

Rae stood stoically as Ben approached the group with two glasses in his hand, one was clearly his whiskey, the other? The girls wandered off into the apartment giving Rey knowing glances as they did so. Ben held out the extra glass which was apparently, for her.

"Gin?"

"Thanks." She accepted the drink curtly, grumpy at her friend's persistence rather than him. The beverage was a peculiar colour for gin, almost purple, but she took a sip. _Wow, it was yummy. Different._

"It's Sloe Gin."

"Hmmm," she murmured as she to a big swig.

"What do you think of our place?" he asked.

She raised her eyebrows to him. _He's talking to me, actually speaking, ok I'll take it_.  
"Yeah, it's amazing. I love the industrial look."

"Yes, I know," he perched on the window ledge beside her and eyed her steadily. "I'm glad you like it."

She eyed him, suspiciously, "Ok, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently

"You don't like me," she said, pointing at him with her free hand.

"Where did you get that impression from?"

"That first night at the club and the fact that you don't talk to me."

Ben lowered his gaze from hers and took a sip of his drink, then replied, "I don't talk to anyone, usually." He paused, looking back at her, "I find it difficult talking to people I don't know. I get very ... nervous."

She stood up and moved in front of him, one hand on her hip, she knew her body language was aggressive and over the top but she could not believe what she was hearing: his gaze followed her steadily as she stood.

"You're telling me... what? You're shy. You?" she motioned at his whole person with her hand as she spoke, "come on."

He smiled and brushed a hand through his hair. 

"Yes. It's more than shyness, though- more anxiety. Around people generally but specifically talking; I used to stutter. I worry about being judged, what people will think."

"Oh, come on. You think you're the dog's bollocks, god's gift, and superior to everyone else. The way you stare at people judging them."

"I'm not judging people. I'm trying to figure them out."

"Oh yeah? Ok well what have you perceived about me, from your numerous hours of research?" She said, folding her arms angrily.

He stood and stepped towards her, peering down at her.

"You think you're tough, that you can hold your own and to an extent, you can. You are very protective of those you love and care about. You keep people at a safe distance until you feel you can trust them, and your trust is hard to earn. You give the impression of someone cynical, harsh, cold-hearted even, but nothing could be further from the truth."

Rae had to stop herself from gaping at him. That was pretty bloody spot on. _How the hell had he got all that from her without ever conversing_? She turned her head from his gaze to bring her back to herself. With her best flirtatious grin, she looked back at him.

"I'm a bitch."

He smiled, taking another step forward and bringing his head a little lower. He was so close Rae could make out the different shades of brown in his eyes; they weren't as dark as she had thought. His glossy hair fell about his face as he tilted his head further. She could smell him, no fake aftershave or overpowering deodorant just soap and a pleasant musky smell. Her act faltered as she felt something turning in the pit of her stomach as she considered that he might be about to kiss her, and if he did, she wouldn't stop him.

"No, you're not. You're honest, direct, bluntly so. It's refreshing."

Ben leant down a little further past her face; she heard him breathe her in and she inhaled deeply holding her breath before he gently kissed her cheek then strode away from her. Flabbergasted she turned and watched him head towards the sofa, clenching his free fist then releasing it to shake Wesley's hand.

She took a big gulp of her drink then took several more trying to calm her racing pulse. _What in god's name_?  
Hux and Phoebe approached her.  
"What just happened? What have you done to Ben?" Hux asked.

"I have absolutely no idea," she stated. It was the truth. Whatever had just happened she hadn't seen it coming, and she wasn't entirely sure what it meant.


	5. I Like You

Rae sat at the table with the rest of the creative team in the meeting room, Hux and Ben needed to discuss the Starkiller account, Hux, as usual, was doing all the talking. Starkiller was pleased with the new logo Rae had created, and with the billboards, Poe had designed. Now there was a new task for the team. Starkiller wanted to release its own fragrance as part of their brand, for both men and women. They wanted ideas for a TV advertisement and everything that would go with it. They'd been sat around the table for a while. Starkiller was a futuristic but dark futuristic brand, and so a lot of the ideas being shared were burnt-out cities, a man and a woman were often somehow involved. The designs were literally turning into Terminator- Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor on repeat. Rae was in her own world doodling, playing a particularly Armageddonesque piece of music by 65 Days of Static, Heat Death Infinity Splitter, on repeat trying to feel inspired through one headphone. It wasn't working. She changed the track to Empty Spaces by Twelve Titans Music and started a new sketch as everyone else around the table tried to think of anything but terminator.

A presence over her shoulder brought her out of her creative trance.  
"Rae, would you mind sharing your sketch idea? We're at an impasse here." It was Hux that spoke, but it was Ben behind her she knew, snooping at her work who'd suggested in some way that Hux ask her.

"Uh, sure," she answered as she removed her headphone and paused her music.

"So we all know Starkiller is highly futuristic, but we're getting stuck in an idea of a dystopian future a man and a woman- Terminator, The Matrix, Blade Runner, Mad Max. Stuck in ideas that we've all seen before. What if we go completely different?"

"Like?" Ben said from behind her.

"Instead of dark dystopian, let's think space futuristic- Star Trek, Star Wars, Aliens. Consider the concept that this fragrance could make you feel more than human."

"Make you more interesting- maybe alien," Poe finished.

"It's a different idea, but give them both to think about rather than just the one idea spun in different ways."

"I like it," Poe said, wagging his finger at her.

"Ok. We've got some good ideas on the dystopian concept. Can I ask that by next Friday we have some rough storyboards, mood boards, concepts for posters and billboards etc. that we can look at again? Nothing needs to be polished, Rae, that means you. The big meeting with them is coming up next month. Good work, guys," Hux said, and the team rose to depart.

Hux left first to head upstairs, then Finn and Poe and as Rae was about to walk out Ben cut off her exit; she looked at him in surprise.  
"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," she said. He closed the door and flicked a switch, and the privacy setting on the glass turned on.

"Shoot," she said to him, leaning on the table.

He was leaning on a desk as he looked at her, pursed his lips tried to speak, stalled, pursed his lips again then spoke.

"I feel like you've got the wrong impression of me."

"Really? I think I've got you pretty well measured up."

"You do?"   
Rae looked at him as he steadily looked back at her. She really looked at him and realised he was a complete mystery to her. She didn't know a thing about him, at least not anything that actually mattered.

"No, maybe not."

He nodded.  
"I think we got off on the wrong foot," he continued.

"Can't imagine why you think that," Rae said sarcastically.

"I upset you, slighted you that first night we met, and since then you seem to be under the illusion that I don't like you."

"Slighted me?"

"The standoff and then my comment about not coming to dance."

"Oh, you mean 'not pretty enough to tempt me'; you were rude."

Ben closed his eyes and grimaced, apparently uncomfortable with what he'd said.

"Yes. I didn't mean to be. I was very nervous, terrified. It was certainly nothing personal about you. I apologise."

He looked sincere enough. Rae paused for a moment before responding.

"Apology accepted, we good?" she rose off the table to depart, but he walked towards her a little.

"I just... I."

Rae raised her eyebrows at him. _Oh lord, what now?_  
"I like you," he managed to get out. Rae was taken utterly by surprise, and she couldn't keep the sarcasm from her response.

"You like me. Apart from being direct, brutally honest, having a tough exterior .. oh and my favourite being a blunt bitch part?"

"No, no," he stepped towards her to get her to stop. "No, I like you, exactly as you are."

She stared up at him, his face was completely sincere, and for once she had no sarcastic retort, she had no words. Yet again, this man had utterly baffled her; she couldn't fathom him or make him out. Which of course was the precise moment Hux opened the door and Ben looking up from Rae marched straight out of it.

"Everything ok in here?" Hux asked as Ben strode past him.

Rae gave an exaggerated clueless shrug in response and headed back to her desk; she felt flustered. She grabbed her cup and headed over to the kitchen to boil the kettle. As she waited for the kettle to boil Finn and Poe bounded over.

"You fired?" Poe asked.

"You slept with the boss, didn't you?" Finn stated.

"What? No. No!" she responded incredulously as she spun around to look at them.

The boys looked at each other, confused.

"You haven't slept with him?" Poe asked this time, an air of surprise in his voice.

"No!" she exclaimed, shaking her head at them getting annoyed. _Why was this so fucking difficult to comprehend_? Rae was not sleeping with Ben, nor was she ever likely to.

"Oh, but you want to, yes? You're going to?" Finn said like he'd figured a puzzle out.

"No!" Rae said again exasperated, "I don't like him, and up until a moment ago, I was pretty certain Ben Sullivan hated me."

"Oh, he doesn't hate you, if he hated you, you'd definitely know," Poe said. Finn next to him was nodding.

"He doesn't talk to me," she said, turning back to her cup to put a teabag in.

"Well in his defence, you are not that easy to talk to Rae," Finn commented.

"What?" she said, spinning around again.

"You're kind of, you know, defensive, standoffish. I mean once someone gets to know you, you're great, but initially, you can be... I dunno... mean," Finn responded.

"Mean! I'm not mean."

"You were mean to me initially," Poe said.

Rae opened her mouth to argue but then remembered her snarky comment she made on their first greeting. She had been mean.

"No... Yeah. Ok, I'll work on that."

There was a pause as she pondered her behaviour, her tough act that she prided herself on and sarcastic wit, had she gone too far and really just become a bitch?

"Also in his defence, not a big talker the boss man more of an actions kind of guy," Finn said this time with Poe nodding in agreement.

"I get it he's the strong and silent type," Rae remarked haughtily.

"Yeah. Awful public speaker," Poe concurred.

"Oh god yeah shocking. Watching him try and give a speech," Finn grimaced. "Be less painful watching Theresa May do that dance she does," Finn said while doing the awkward jog dance that was the subject of many a political meme.

"Uh yeah. Be less painful watching The Room without the drinking game. Oh, Hi, Mark."

"Oh, Hi Mark," Finn laughed back.  
Rae watched the transaction between the two men eyebrows raised, as bewildered by them as by Ben.

"Less painful watching...,"

"Yes, yes, I get it. He's a terrible public speaker," she lambasted, interrupting Finn with her arms raised.

"Oh no, not just public speaking Rae. Talking generally. Think he had a stutter as a kid," Finn said looking to Poe for confirmation.

"Oh yeah comes back if he's nervous. I've seen him do press-ups, just to get through talking to someone in the office, psyching himself up," Poe piped in.

"Yeah that way if the talking fails, which it almost always does, he looks big enough for whomever he was talking to, not to care, you know out of fear," Finn mused.

"He even struggles to talk on the phone!" Poe added.

The kettle finally boiled, and Rae made herself a tea. Behind her, Finn spoke again.  
"Hey what did you mean by up until a moment ago you thought be hated you?"

Rae grunted.   
"He told me he liked me," she said as she stirred her tea.

"He said that? Wow!" Poe exclaimed

"I dunno I thought it was pretty obvious he liked her at the party," Finn said.

"What happened at the party? What did I miss?" Poe asked.

"He kissed her," Finn stated.

"Hhhhuuuuuhhhhhhh," Poe made a mock shock noise behind her as he inhaled. Rae growled again and turned around.

"He pecked me on the cheek. Honestly, you two are a right pair of gossip Queens."

Tea made, Rae went back to her desk she could hear the boys following behind her. She sat at her desk, plugged in her headphones and put the volume on full blast, old school Prodigy no real words just loud noise. The boys came up to her desk, attempting to continue the conversation, and she raised a hand to them without looking up, to make it clear the exchange was over. As they walked away, she looked up at the gallery. For once she couldn't see Ben. Good.

-X-

After interrupting whatever was going on in the meeting room, Hux had followed Ben up to the gallery. He found Ben looking out the window.

"You ok mate?" he asked. No response. "What were you talking to Rae about?"

"Just clearing up a few matters."

"Oh yeah. Sort out whatever was going on with you guys at the party?"

"Nothing is going on."

"That's not what it looked like."

"She's not the least bit interested in me, and more for her."

"Come on, Ben, you're too hard on yourself. I'm proud of you, how far you've come. I mean I can't remember the last time you willingly talked to a girl, and you've talked to Rae- alone!"

Ben turned and looked at his friend with a smile.   
"I think what we consider a concerted effort on my part has been rather lost on her." He ran a hand through his hair and groaned, "She likes Corey."

The smile on Hux's face slipped utterly.   
"Corey. From the bar?"

Ben nodded.

"Well, you have to warn her, tell her what he's like," Hux declared.

"Yes, I can just see how that will go, can't you?"

Hux went through a scenario in his mind of Ben trying to warn Rae off Corey. He grimaced,  
"Good point."

"Besides she's a big girl, and it's really not my business who she sees or hooks up with."

"I could say something, or say something to Phoebe," Hux suggested.

"If Corey is what she wants Hux, who are we to stop her? Maybe that's exactly the kind of person she wants to be with?"

"No one is ever really with Corey, Ben. You know that. Women are merely objects to him to be used and discarded. He's such a man whore. You know I bet he'd be very happy as a rent boy who never got paid!" Hux ranted

Ben openly laughed.  
"Easy there, Hux. Anyone might think you don't like him."

Hux smiled.  
"I have a perfectly good reason not to like that... that hustler."

Ben looked at Hux sadly as Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
"I know, I know it takes two," he held his hands up apologetically. "It's in the past, and I'm truly happier than I've ever been with Phoebe."

"I know," Ben said before looking back out the window pondering again over the dilemma that was Rae, certain that he'd made the situation worse.

"I will master this," he muttered to himself, "Hux?"

"Yeah."

"Let's do something tonight. Let's go to the climbing wall or the archery range."

"Absolutely."


	6. The Hen Party

Paige's wedding to Wesley was in a few months. It was crunch time; every weekend was filled with the allocated chores each of the girls had- makeup, hair, bridesmaid dresses, shoes, flowers, cake; it was insane. So a weekend of hen party activities, despite more organising and having to deal with Paige and Rose's particularly difficult and demanding mother was what everyone needed

The plan was what the bridesmaids had wanted; a high ropes course, just the kind of activity they all enjoyed, followed by a night of ridiculous games and drinking at a bar in which they'd hired a private function room, which was for all of Paige's family and work friends. Rae had met a few of Paige's work friends, they were perfectly lovely to speak to and hang out with, but they had very little in common with her and so striking up a long friendship was just not going to happen.

Currently, Rae, Rose and Phoebe were decorating the function room in preparation for the activities for tomorrow. An excessive amount of Pink and penises! Rose had rather enjoyed buying penis straws and making chocolate penises; a little too much in Rae's opinion. There were pink glittery penises on headbands that apparently were compulsory to wear. Rose had also insisted on a mandatory dress code, much to Rae's relief it wasn't pink, but it was considerably more girly than she would typically wear- 50's pin-up; of course! Rose was also in charge of the bridesmaid's outfits, and there was definitely a 50's retro theme in everything Rose had been allowed to organise. Everyone had bought big polka dot skirts with massive colourful netting to wear underneath. Rae was going more Rizzo from Grease, tight pencil skirt and biker jacket, Phoebe she knew was doing the same.

"I'm too tall to pull off that kind of skirt; I look like an adult trying to wear a little girl's party dress." Phoebe had said about the full ones, and Rae could see her point, Phoebe was a stunner, but Rae was glad she wasn't quite as tall as her.

There was a knock on the function room door.

"That'll be Corey," Rae said, "I got it."

"Yeah you do," Rose replied.

Rae ignored her as she went to the door and opened it on the other side Corey stood laden with drink paraphernalia. He gave a big grin to Rae all straight white teeth and dimples.

"Where do you want it?"

"The drinks table is this way."

Corey laid all the stuff down on the table.

"We've written a list of cocktails for the night if that's ok, all crude by name?"

"Oh yeah, what'd you go with?"

"Oh, the obvious- Sex on the Beach, Porn Star, Sloe Comfortable Screw, Slippery Nipple."

"You want a Leg Spreader?" Corey asked with a particularly mischievous grin.

"A what?" Rae said with a laugh.

"A Leg spreader- Midori, Malibu, pineapple juice and lemonade."

"Hey if you want to lug even more bottles up here, you be my guest. You still ok with the um outfit we discussed?"

"Yeah."

"It's tiny, and um rubbery?"

"Rubber, eh?"

"Well PVC I guess is more accurate."

"I'm not shy," Corey responded again giving Rae a look that made her legs just a little shaky.

"Ok, then."

"Rae we're all done, we good to go?" Phoebe shouted over.

"Yep. Yep let's go home. Busy day tomorrow." She turned back to Corey, "Ok then, see you tomorrow."

"Yes, you will," Corey's response was innocent enough, but the way he said it, it was full of double meaning.

Rae giggled despite herself and left with the other two, cursing herself for turning into a giggling teenager in his overly flirtatious presence.

...................................................................

Rose, Paige, Phoebe and Rae were all getting ready in Rae's room. Rose and Phoebe's rooms were full of Paige's friends and family, Paige was diligently going between all the rooms, making sure everyone felt adequately included. She was so good.

The high ropes course had been brilliant! Sadly Saturday traffic had been pretty typical, and they'd spent more time in the car than on the activity. The British weather had also been true to form so, of course, it had chucked it down with rain, making it a little more difficult and nerve-wracking than it might have been otherwise. Paige's mother had refused to participate and so had driven for over 3 hours to sit in a cafe drinking coffee, and eating cake while they all got wet and muddy. Hopefully, she at least had some excellent photos of the exploits. Rae had, handed out a lot of her waterproofs before heading out and even a pair of trainers to some of Paige's unprepared friends. _They'd had so much prior notice; they lived in this country how could they be so unprepared_?

"Ow!" Rae exclaimed as Rose pulled her hair into a tight ponytail.

"Oh come on, I thought you were hard. All done," Rose countered.

"Thank god."

Rae got up from the chair and went to look in the full-length mirror on her wardrobe. She looked nice, not her usual style, way more put together, but quite pretty. Rae could scrub up well when she could be bothered; she just often couldn't be bothered. She was wearing a tight black pencil skirt, black and white checked vest and black cardigan with blue swallow patches. She even had heels on- black and white wedges; she'd pack a pair of flats in her bag for when they started to bother her which despite how comfy they were now they ultimately would.  
She left the room as the other girls finished up to check on the rest of the party.

"Ladies, ladies, are we nearly ready?"

A chorus of noise erupted from the other rooms.

"Nearly", "Yes", "No."

_Time for a drink then_ Rae thought as she headed to the kitchen. Two gins later and finally the crowd of women were ready, and they headed for the tube a mass of netted skirts, heels and retro hair and in the middle of it all enjoying herself already was Paige. In a retro tight-fitting green leopard print dress adorned with the compulsory white Bride to Be sash and cheap fake veil. They were a sizeable raucous party on the tube, but fellow travellers were smiling at them some offering congratulations to Paige, who accepted their good wishes with a beam that lit up more than just her face. Nearly an hour of terrible singing and overly loud and lude conversations on the tube later, they arrived at their destination. Entering the private function room to a series of 'oohs' and 'aahs' Rae thought she actually saw Paige tear up a little.

Corey was dressed in normal attire for now - tight black jeans and tight black t-shirt as he greeted all the women, the older and drunker amongst the crowd giggling at him and giving his chiselled chest a feel or his muscled arms a squeeze. _What was it about the older generation that meant they became so emboldened after a drink or two_? Rae wondered. The drinks began to flow, and Rose took to the raised stage as she began to utterly embarrass her sister with a pre-made presentation of photos that were projected onto a white sheet on the wall. Relaying a series of severely humiliating stories about Paige's past, and as was fitting given that Paige was getting married, they were all about the guys Paige over the years had dated. Rae felt quite grateful that she'd not been with anyone long enough for there to be any real witnesses to how catastrophic they'd been, should she ever get married and someone chose to talk about her like this, it would be mercifully brief. Presentation and stories over, the games began, starting small with a quiz about the Bride to be, which Rose who was not allowed to play cos she'd win, readout. Then the games which required a little physical ability began, there was 'dick head' where rings had to be thrown onto a large plastic dick attached to someone's head, which they played against each other in teams. There was pong, which Rae was grateful wasn't just prosecco but the drink of your choice, and then the cruder games began. One of the older women in the group that Rae didn't really know got everyone to agree to play a game she'd seen once.

"Everyone stand up!" she instructed as she wobbled about on her heels. "Ok, Ok," she said, "if you haven't done something you sit down."

Rae was leaning against the edge of the stage area, no chair nearby, when she had to sit she'd sit on the stage or crouch she guessed.

"If you've never had sex sit down," no one sat, and everyone giggled.

"Nice easy starter" the woman shouted. She was a bit older than everyone else, maybe one of Paige's mum's friends rather than a work colleague.

"Sit down if you've never dressed up for your partner," no one sat, and everyone giggled again.

"Sit down if you've never used a food object in the bedroom," one person sat down.

"Sit down if you've never gone down on a guy or had one go down on you," everyone remained standing.

"Sit down if you've never had sex in the shower." One person sat. "Oh, girl, you are missing out." A series of giggling ensued. Rae looked over to the drinks table and felt herself blush slightly as she caught Corey's absorbing gaze before he went to the back room with the ice bucket.

"About to get harder ladies! Sit down if you've never had sex outside."

"Do tents count?" someone asked.

"No!"

Rae sat down on the edge of the stage, and another person across from the room sat. The game went on.

"Sit down if you've never had sex in a car."

Rae shifted and felt her tights snag on the rough wood of the stage, "Shit!" she stood again leaning against the stage wall.

"Sit down if you've never had a threesome, videoed yourself," the game went on, "had sex on a plane, anal."

Two girls were still standing.

"Had a rainbow kiss," finally, one girl sat down. There was a round of applause, and the last girl standing blushing deep red received her prize- a bag of chocolate penises.

Rae walked over to where Corey was waiting for the next set of drinks orders, and he gave her a coy smile.

"You ready?" she asked.

"Now?"

"I think now is a good time before the dancing starts."

"You got it," he said as he grabbed a plastic bag Rae had given him earlier from under the table and went into the back room.

"Ladies, ladies we have one more surprise before the dancing starts," Rae shouted over the mild din.

"You all met our lovely barman Corey, well perhaps you'd like to purchase a shot from him," Rae said as Corey emerged from the backroom in a tiny pair of PVC pants and a belt of shot glasses around his washboard stomach. He'd tied his blonde hair back in a ponytail and had that fabulous playful grin on his face as the crowd of women charged towards him. Rae stood back and sipped her drink; she didn't really like shots, in fact, she hated them, so she happily watched Corey enjoying being centre of attention as the women took shots and pawed his body like a pack of hungry lionesses. Phoebe came and stood next to her.

"Don't fancy a shot of Corey?" she asked.

Rae rolled her eyes at her, "Lets put the music on and dance."

"Good call."

The music wasn't Rae's favourite type to dance to, but it was still fun to let loose to 80's anthems, 90's pop and some choice modern tracks- Bruno Mars, Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke, Pharrell bit of Rhianna and Taylor Swift. It was a change, and Rae embraced it enjoying the evening with her best friends dancing around her.

...................................

The end of the night came and Rae, Phoebe and Rose were helping to clear up, which consisted of taking their decorations mostly. Corey was boxing up what he'd brought and taking it into the backroom. Mercifully his clothes had returned. Decorations collected Rae walked over to him.

"All done?" she asked.

"Nearly. You?"

"Yeah, we're good to go. Thanks for this evening Corey, I know they can't have been comfy."

"Actually they're very comfy. In fact, I'm still wearing them under my jeans?"

Rae looked at his jeans aghast.

"Joke," he said, "you enjoy it?"

"Yeah, it was fun."

"I didn't mean the party. I meant.." and he pointed towards his chest and lowered his hand down past the waistband of his jeans. Rae stifled a giggle and then tried to hide it with a cough. Corey smirked, "Maybe we can get a drink sometime, together, you and me on the same side of the bar."

"I'd like that," she said.

"Ok well, I'll call you."

"Ok."

Behind her, Rose shouted, "Taxi's here. Come on."

"Bye," she said turning and following the girls out grabbing a box off the floor.

"Night Rae, sweet dreams," she heard Corey shout after her.

"Sweet dreams, seriously?" Phoebe questioned, "his ego is ridiculous."

_Maybe thought Rae but if you've got the goods why the hell not_.


	7. The Weekend Away

With Paige and Wesley's wedding imminent a birthday celebration for Phoebe had fallen at the wayside but Hux was on it and had planned a weekend away for everyone to the coast over the bank holiday weekend. They hired a house with a pool and hot tub on the Dorset coast, a beautiful place Rae had once worked after university- Weymouth. It would be a long drive from London and to ensure they didn't spend the entire weekend stuck in traffic they'd all agreed to make the long weekend even longer by taking the Friday and Tuesday off work. Hux and Ben had made it a long weekend for all their employees and closed the office. Everyone had been delighted, two extra days and not part of their holiday time, but under the knowledge that the following Friday the big Starkiller meeting was happening, so be ready.

They were going to travel down in convoy Paige, Wesley, Finn and Rose in one car, Phoebe, Hux, Rae and Ben in the other. Rae wasn't exactly thrilled to have to share the back seat with Ben for what would be at least a three-hour drive, but everyone else was a couple so she'd have to endure it, it was only fair. As it was the drive down wasn't as painful as she thought it would be. Hux owned a decently sized car, despite walking to work and living in London; _how the other half live_ Rae mused to herself. A Toyota hybrid CH-R it was like a 4x4, high seats and plenty of legroom and thank goodness otherwise her and Ben might be touching on the back seat. As it was Ben's hair brushed the roof, and he had to sit with his legs apart so that he wasn't kneeing Phoebe in the back. Phoebe had pulled her seat as far forward as she could without touching the dashboard, but he'd told her it was fine. It occurred to Rae that there were _way too many giants in this car!_

The journey down had been ok, not too much traffic and a decent selection of music, mostly acoustic rock- Incubus, Foo Fighters, Stone Sour along with others. The car sounded a bit like a weird karaoke as everyone sang along-everyone, and to Rae's surprise that included Mr silent- Ben. He had a pleasant voice; unsurprisingly, it was deep, and he sang along quietly, usually an octave below the actual song. At one point a song Rae loved came on, Incubus Drive and she sang it at the top of her lungs. Afterwards, Hux had commented that she was quite the singer and Phoebe interjected about the fact that Rae was quite the musician privately.

"What do you play?" Ben had asked.

_Wow, he was initiating conversation._

"I play the piano, used to play the violin but it kind of sounds like I'm killing a cat these days."

He nodded.

"Ben plays the guitar. Done a few open mics, haven't you mate? " Hux had offered from the driver's seat.

Ben nodded again.

"Oh yeah me too. Thought you were shy?" Rae had said perking with interest at this thing they had in common.

"Music, singing, in particular, helped with my stutter in school," he responded.

"Yeah, I've heard that," Rae acknowledged. "Do you still do open mics?"

"Sometimes," he said, giving her a sidelong stare before gazing back out the car window. That ended that conversation but the atmosphere within the car didn't deteriorate as they continued singing along to the music.

..........................................

The house Hux had rented was incredible! An old farmhouse with gorgeous original features, fireplaces, thatched roof, huge farmhouse kitchen, unlevel floors and narrow winding staircases. The living room even had an old upright piano much to Rae's delight, at home in their tiny flat she had a keyboard, and it just wasn't the same. As the couple's eagerly shot-gunned the bedrooms in the central area of the farmhouse, Rae and Ben were left to take the narrowest staircase on the other side of the farmhouse to two rooms that were opposite each other. Rae reached the top of the stairs and stood in the extremely narrow corridor, opened both doors and looked at two pretty identical rooms, small but with a double bed. She turned to ask Ben whether he had a preference of the two bedrooms but stopped dead because Ben seemed to be nearly wedged in the staircase he was so big. She giggled, and as he continued to squeeze his way up the stairs, she started to burst into hysterics.

"Sorry. Sorry. No actually not sorry you look utterly ridiculous," she laughed.

He smiled back at her.

"People were clearly far smaller back then," he said as he struggled off the stairs and onto the landing.

"That and the fact that you are a giant."  
There was no space in the landing now they were both in it.

"The rooms are identical so, I'll just take this one," Rae said backing through the door to the left.

Once everyone had settled their belongings into their rooms, they meet in the kitchen for a cup of tea.

"I vote a walk along the coastline," Paige said.

"Yes," Rae said, pointing her finger at her, "I need some fresh air and exercise after the car."

"Me too," Ben chipped in.

Rose looked at Finn, "We are gonna go do a food and booze run."

Everyone turned to Hux and Phoebe. Hux was hugging Phoebe from behind, his hands invading her top, attempting to get to the flesh beneath. As he kissed her neck, he grinned at the group.  
"We're gonna stay here, get a different kind of exercise."

There was a chorus of groans and rolling of eyes as everyone briskly departed to the sounds of Phoebe giggling.

..............................

It was a typically British day in May, grey not terribly warm and due to the coastal location, a stiff breeze blew, at least it wasn't raining. The Dorset coast was gorgeous and the sea in summer an incredible shade of turquoise that as the water deepens blended to deep blue. However, with the weather, as it currently was, the sea seemed grey and tempestuous, and Rae loved it this way.  
Paige and Wesley were walking hand in hand just ahead of her. Ben was to her side though not officially walking with her. She had a sudden urge, _fuck it_. Rae went to the edge of the cliff; the wind whipped her hair about her. Arms outstretched she surveyed the grey sea and grey sky as the wind buffeted against her.

"Is there any felicity in the world superior to this?" she shouted to the air closing her eyes and breathing in the moist sea air deeply.

Paige and Wesley stopped and turned back.

"Oh, god. We've lost her. She's gone," Paige murmured to Wesley. "Rae get back from the edge of the cliff before you kill yourself!" she shouted.

Behind Rae, she heard Ben's familiar voice respond to her moment of insanity.

"There's some blue sky let us chase it."

She turned to look at him; he was pointing along the coastline. She grinned at him, lowering her arms. He lowered his arm and affectionately smiled back.  
He had just quoted the second half of her favourite line from Sense and Sensibility back at her, and she was both impressed and surprised. She stepped back from the cliff and stepped up to him.

"Didn't peg you as an Austen fan?" she said, peering up at him.

It was difficult to see his face clearly as her hair was flipping about her, and his hair was being similarly unruly.

"I've read a few of the classics," he said matter of factly.

She nodded.

"Rae one of these days you're gonna kill yourself or get yourself sectioned, and I am not going to save you," Paige shouted back at them.

Rae moved her head from looking up at Ben and looked towards Paige and Wesley.

"Chill. It's fine. I wasn't even near the edge."

"You're insane!" Paige shouted. Arms raised in annoyance, before turning and continuing.

"Maybe," Rae shouted back.

Rae looked back to Ben, and he motioned with his arm that they continue, and they walked along the coastline together behind Paige and Wesley.

........................

Back at the house, they all settled into the living room sipping wine and listening to music through the Bluetooth system they'd brought with them. The living room did not have a TV; however, should they be in desperate need of that form of media; several of them had brought laptops, so it was possible. What was readily available on a substantial built-in bookcase were books and a collection of family favourite board and card games. A rather loud game of Uno began, and both friendships and maths abilities were tested while Finn and Rose cooked up a massive lasagne.

"Dinner," Rose announced.

The table in the dining area was vast, and initially, they sat quietly eating and drinking they were so ravenous.

"My god Rose, when did you learn to cook?" Paige mumbled through mouthfuls of lasagne and salad.

"I'm pretty certain this is all Finn. We all know Rose's cooking capabilities are likely to result in people's deaths," Phoebe said.

"I resent that," Rose pronounced, pointing her fork in Phoebe's direction.

"Doesn't make it less true," Paige responded.

"Yeah, there were those mince pies you made that you could've used as a hammer," Rae reminded them.

"Oh yeah and the raw potato fishcakes," Paige countered. "Fucking disgusting!"

"They were only raw on the inside," Rose countered.

"Yeah, they were charcoal from being burnt on the outside," Rae interjected.

"You even messed up bread, in that bread maker you bought!" Phoebe recalled.

"Oh, you mean the salt cake?" Rae recalled.

"Yes, yes, ok. I am a terrible cook. I helped Finn by holding things and pouring wine," Rose admitted.

Everyone laughed.

"Well, congratulations Finn on a well-cooked lasagne!" Hux toasted.

"Here, here," Wesley raised his glass, and everyone raised a glass to toast Finn's culinary efforts.

Several hours passed at the table with wine flowing and stories being swapped before Paige and Wesley said they wished to retire for the evening. The table was cleared, and all the couple's made their excuses to retire for the night.

In the tiny corridor at the top of the narrow staircase, Rae and Ben stood in a level of close proximity that would previously have been uncomfortable. Something, however, had changed. Ben could sense she no longer seemed to mind being so close to him. Her body posture was more relaxed, and she was leaning casually on her door. However, he reminded himself it could very well be the amount of wine that had been drunk and the fatigue which everyone was suffering under after the long day. He considered kissing her on the cheek as he had at the party. He wanted to rather badly and more than just on the cheek. No, she wasn't interested in him like that, and it would make the rest of the weekend incredibly uncomfortable.

"Well, goodnight Rae," he said.

"Night Ben."

He let her open the door and retreat into her room first. The corridor was too narrow to do it at the same time. Once in his room, Ben leaned back on the door, giving a long slow exhale.

"I will conquer this. I will," he muttered to himself before he stripped off and clambered into bed. 


	8. Seaside Escapades

Saturday morning the weather was breezy, and the sun was out, but it was dry and not too cold, the decision was made to spend the day doing typical seaside activities- arcades, ice cream and fish and chips. Weymouth was well known for having sand sculptures that would be worth seeing, and they were impressive. Rae preferred artistic designs rather than the ones taking scenes from much-loved TV programmes or films. A lot of the sculptures involving people had overly large limbs or hands which annoyed her. Her favourite was a scene that reminded her of an old TV advert for Guinness- a wave crashing onto the shore but the crest of the wave was horses- it was beautiful.

After the sand sculptures, they headed for the arcades. Rae eyed up which 2p machine had the best tat in it that was close to the edge and exchanged a few pounds for a tub of coppers. Everyone was happily engaged in different locations and on different machines around the arcade. After an hour, Rae still hasn't acquired her desired cheap keyring. She must have put at least £5 into the machine, and there was no way this keyring was worth that, but she'd had her eye on it and spent so much what was a little bit more. _No Rae no, have some self-discipline and walk away._

"Win anything?"

Rae turned around to see Ben. Leaning against the machine on which she'd failed she replied dejectedly.  
"Would we call it winning, even if I did have a 'prize' to show for it?" using her hands to insert air commas around the word prize.  
"How about you?" she asked, nodding towards his odd body language as he clearly held something behind his back.

"Had some luck on the claw machine," he replied as he pulled a plush cuddly toy wolf from behind his back.

Rae smiled, "Ah, nice."

"Some real luck," he said as he pulled another two from behind his back with his other hand, both Star Wars plush toys, a Yoda and an R2-D2.

Now Rae's face dropped in shock.

"No way. No one ever wins on those things, and you won three. Seriously?" Ben grinned back at her proudly. "Master of the claw, although you do look a little ridiculous, a man of your size holding three teddies."

Ben grinned again, "I'm gonna bask in my glory for a while but if I could use your backpack once we leave the arcade?"

"Oh, I dunno about that it'll cost you," she joked.

"Well, you'll get your pick of my booty as payment," he said, waving the teddies at her. "What were you trying to get?"

"Just some shitty key ring. Probably could've bought a bulk lot of them online for the amount I've chucked in that machine."

Ben leaned over her shoulder to look at the key ring she'd been trying to get.

"It's so close to the edge."

"You see that's what I thought but £5 later and the thing has barely moved," Rae responded scrutinising the coins and the keyring which sat on top. Ben thrust all three teddies at her and headed to the change machine. He returned with a tub of coppers.

"It's a waste honestly," Rae said as he strolled back to the machine, she was leaning against. He gave her a look, and she stepped aside. Half a tub later and the keyring finally fell. Despite herself, Rae squealed with glee and scooped it out of the collection tray along with a handful of coins.

"Oh god look at it, it's fucking awful."

The keyring Ben had won was an extremely poor rendition of Thor, the features of his face a blurry mess and his hammer was almost fully detached.   
Ben smiled at her.

"Thanks," she said, smiling back.

At that moment Rose and Finn strolled over, lollipops in their mouths.

"Wow Rae, did you win all those toys?" Rose asked.

"No these are Ben's, all on the claw machines," Rae boasted on his behalf. "I haven't won a thing. What about you, guys?"

"Wow, epic skills boss man. Won some tokens, which we traded in for these bad boys." Finn removed his lollipop temporarily from his mouth before reinserting.

"And this!" Rose proudly held a rainbow slinky in her hand.

"Rose, we live in a ground floor flat," Rae reminded her.

"Yeah but I can still play with it, and it's so pretty!"

Rae patted her sarcastically on the shoulder.

"Guys look what we've got," Phoebe shouted as she skipped towards them pulling Hux by the hand after her. As she reached them, she thrust a bug-eyed unicorn toy towards them complete with shiny purple horn and matching wings.

"A unicorn yeah!" Rose said, clapping her hands.

It was a bit of a running joke amongst the girls whenever one of them went to the shop that the others would shout a list of impossible things to get from the said corner shop- pony, Ferrari, unicorn, a surprise. A surprise was the only one they could meet, and it was usually chocolate, sweets, ice cream or booze, not much of a surprise. Once it was a rather terrifying porno mag, which certainly met the criteria of 'a surprise'.

"Ah just what you've always wanted," Rae said as Phoebe hugged it to herself.

"Yep and this was attached to it," Hux said, waving a £5 note in his hand.

"Oh money bags, fish and chips on you then," Finn mumbled around his lollipop.

"We should've come here ring shopping," Wesley said as they joined the gang, "cos I think she likes this more than the one we've bought that was 50 times the price!"

Paige held out her hand and on her wedding finger above her engagement ring was a large black ring shaped like a skull with a rose in its mouth.

"Jealous," Rae said, taking Paige's hand and looking at it more closely.

"Food!" Hux demanded, waving his £5.

"It's what an hour since you last ate?" Ben said.

"Actually I bought some hot doughnuts, but fish and chips are calling."

Out on the pebble-beach they all sat eating fish and chips out of paper bags with wooden sporks, watching the waves roll in.

"Shall I cook a roast tomorrow?" Rae queried as everyone stuffed themselves.

"Good shout, you do the best gravy," Wesley said.

"Ben, as the other half to my single you wanna help?" Rae asked.

Ben looked at Rae a little surprised. She had been friendly all day, and now she was volunteering to do something- together! Given that everyone else was a couple, it was difficult to avoid being paired up, but it was all good with him.  
"As long as I'm in charge of the meat, not great with preparing the veg," he answered.

"Deal."

Back at the farmhouse, cards against humanity was brought out. Rae was betting Hux would win, and Paige would be second. Wesley was useless at this game everything about cards against humanity made him uncomfortable, and he hated being offensive, he mostly sat cringing, so he chose not to participate and sat watching something on his phone, headphones in. Finn was initially struggling with the dark humour everyone else seemed to share. Rae was very taken aback to see Ben, Mr strong and silent giving everyone a run for their money, however much as Rae had predicted Hux won. Soon after everyone retired for the night, everyone but Ben.

"I'm gonna read for a while," he said, taking his Kindle out from his hoodie pocket, as everyone said their goodnights. Everyone else had retired, but Rae lingered curiously.

"What you reading?"

"Making my way through the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe," he said.

"Always wanted to read his stuff, not all of it, but the classics you know- telltale heart, pit and the pendulum. I like Gothic novels," Rae said with a smile.

He gave her a lopsided grin, "Yes, I imagine you do."

Under his gaze, it seemed to Rae that he could see right into her, right into the core of who she was. How could he tell so much about her when their conversations were so short? It made her nervous, and she felt herself give a little shiver.

"Okay. Goodnight Ben."

"Night Rae."

...............................................

The weather the next day was glorious, warm sunshine and no clouds. Due to the location of the farmhouse, the strong sea breeze was diminished massively. All agreed today was a pool day. Swimwear on, books, phones and all sorts of entertainment acquired for a day lazing in the sun everyone got comfy around the pool. Hux sat in the shade in a t-shirt and shorts; he was very aware that should he sit in the sun with Phoebe, he'd be a lobster before noon. Ben was next to him in the shade and Phoebe was stretched out next to Rae. Finn and Wesley were straight in the pool with a ball playing with Rose and Paige.

"It's heated!" Rose had exclaimed.

"No night time sexcapades you two," Paige said, pointing at Hux then Phoebe who both looked fake aghast as though the concept hadn't occurred to them.

"Oh god, you didn't already, did you?" Wesley said, looking at the water in which he stood with a look of disgust.

"No!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"The hot tub, though...," Hux joked.

"No!" Phoebe said again, "you guys saw the en suite in our room, no need to go anywhere else."

A series of "ews", "nice" and giggles responded.

Rae settled into her sun lounger with her puzzle book, as she tried to get her tan started. She loved puzzles particularly codewords, and she sat happily for an hour or so completing codeword after codeword occasionally watching the activities in the pool. The phrase 'Come on, boss, man, come play,' shouted by Finn, made her lookup. She turned to watch Ben put his Kindle down, remove his t-shirt and walk over to the pool, closely followed by Hux. Rae was suddenly very grateful she was wearing polarised sunglasses which hid the precise direction of her gaze. Her mouth was ajar, and she was taking in every muscle of Ben's perfectly formed body. _Uh, look at that back!_ Rae liked a chiselled chest as much as the next girl, but she loved a broad, long, lean back. Ben's back reminded her of the Olympic swimmers as they prepared for their swim. She peered over the top of his glasses as he dunked into the water and swept back his dark wet hair. At that precise moment, Phoebe elbowed her.

"What?"

"Come on. Team game."

"Right yes, absolutely," she said shaking herself from her temporary daydream she put her book down and headed over to the pool.

Several rigorous games of water volleyball later and it was time to get the food on, so Ben and Rae got out grabbing towels and clothes and heading inside to start preparing. As they had previously discussed Rae prepped the veg and Ben the meat. It didn't take long, so preparation done they went back out. The warmth they'd been enjoying had gone, clouds had come across the sky, and everyone was in the hot tub instead, so they joined them.

"If you think about it, hot tubs are kind of weird. I mean you're sitting in a bath with lots of people," Wesley commented.

"Still nice though," Paige said as she let her head fall back and the bubbles hit her neck with a contented sigh.

"And then instead of letting the water out, like you would in a bath, you just let it stay getting more and more gross," Wesley continued.

"Stop talking!" Paige appealed with a sigh.

Another hour and Rae went back in to turn things on, move items about and start the gravy. Without her hearing, Ben had come back into the kitchen.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. People make such a fuss, but it's so easy, you just bung it all in the oven. Did Hux get the cake for Phoebe yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"You wanna hunt around for some candles? Set it all up." Ben didn't respond, but Rae could hear him rummaging through drawers for what they required.

Food cooked, birthday cake set up Ben went out to tell everyone to come and help themselves, and they all sat around the table eating as though they'd not eaten in days.

"Exceptional as usual Rae," Wesley complimented.

"Think it might be better than my mum's roast," Hux said.

Plates cleared and lights switched off Hux brought out the lit birthday cake to a chorus of 'Happy Birthday' sung by everyone at slightly different keys. Phoebe gushed happily and blew out the candles, thanking everyone. She cut the cake, and everyone got a slice then she went to feed Hux some in a show of sickening romance but at the last minute shoved it in his face smearing it around slightly, giggling immensely and shocking everyone else at the table. Hux, not one to be outdone smiled and kissed her harshly holding her head to his, smearing the cake all over her. As everything was cleared away, the pair excused themselves to remove the cake traces.

On their return, everyone retired to the living room, but tonight there would be no games just music. Ben retrieved his guitar from Hux's car, and they all sat, initially singing along to certain songs selected from phones and played through the Bluetooth system they'd brought. Slowly however the group choir became more duets as songs became backing tracks, then Wesley asked Rae to sing the acapella song he and Paige had requested for their wedding-I Wanna Hold Your Hand.

As Rae sang specific notes of the song, Ben felt the hairs on the back of his arms rise and he shivered. There was a moment as she sang when she looked directly at him, and he felt as though he was the only person in the room as everything blurred out of existence and he imagined the words she sang were for him alone.

'_and when I touch you I feel happy inside, it's such a feeling that my love I can't hide_.'

'_when I feel that something I wanna hold your hand. Now let me hold your hand_.'

His admiration and like of her was increasing, and it was becoming a problem.

Song finished wolf whistles, whoops and clapping brought Ben back to himself and he clapped along quietly captivated. The cheering became an exuberant chant with the stomping of feet and clapping of hands at Phoebe's demand of 'play, play, play', as Rae headed to the piano and proceeded to play and sing. First, she played Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana, and then Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie then finished with My Immortal by Evanescence. After a zealous round of applause and a humble bow, Rae returned to her previous seat on the floor took a large swig of her drink then motioned with a hand gesture to Ben that it was his turn. He took a deep breath, downed his drink and picked up his guitar. He looked to Hux a silent question.

"Do my favourite first," Hux responded.

So Ben began, Hux's face showing his pride in his friend as he tapped along, shaking his head slightly in enjoyment. Ben started with The Man Who Stole the World by Bowie, then Hurt by NIN, though his version was definitely more Johnny Cash. 

"Last one," he said to a series of groans.

He looked at Rae and then began to strum a familiar series of notes. Rae loved this song! Ben was playing and singing a rather mesmerising version of Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. Rae knew she was staring at him and not just in an enjoying the music, listening attentively kind of way. She'd always been a bit weak over a musician, but suddenly Ben was more attractive than he'd ever been. She'd had to admit more than once recently how good looking he was with that dark hair and those dark, deep-set eyes. He wasn't even that much of an arsehole anymore. As she got to know him better, she could actually have said he was nice. She was freely ogling him, and she didn't care. The enthusiastic applause by the others snapped her out of her hallucination, and she clapped with everyone else.

"Time for Bedfordshire," Finn announced.

"Jesus, it's really late," Paige yawned looking at her watch.

Grabbing glasses and empty plates, everyone tidied the living room then said their goodnights.

In the narrow corridor between their rooms, Rae paused before entering and turned to Ben.

"I liked your songs earlier, all of them but particularly the last one. It's one of my favourites," she said. "You're really, very good."

He dropped his head humbly.

"Thank you," he said then raised his eyes, looking at her directly. "Perhaps we could play together sometime."

"I'd like that," she said smiling up at him.

"Well, goodnight," and this time he leant down and gently kissed her, brushing his lips against her cheek, his jaw lingering ever so slightly against her cheek before heading straight into his room.

As Rae entered her room and closed the door she exhaled hard; she hadn't realised she'd been holding her breath. She leaned her head against the door and closed her eyes. _What was going on_?


	9. End of the Weekend

Monday and their last day of the long weekend came too soon. A somewhat more chilled approach was planned with a drive to the local tourist favourite Durdle Door, followed by a long stroll. They jumped in the cars en masse, and twenty minutes later they arrived. The walk wasn't far to the main point of attraction, and despite crowds of other tourists, it was beautiful. The sun was shining; meaning the water around the cliff face was that unbelievable aqua blue. Rae had always wanted to explore the famous site a bit more thoroughly, and no one else was against it, and so they went down to the beach for a closer look.

Rae was not a huge fan of sand because no matter what kind of shoe you wore, it would get in and get in your socks and in-between your toes and then it would feel like grating sandpaper. The best solution was to be rid of the shoes and deal with sand on bare feet afterwards. As the others walked towards the famous rock feature, Rae sat on one of the steps and removed her shoes and socks, chucking them in her backpack for later. Rose and Finn who'd been bringing up the rear stopped at her side.

"Planning on paddling?" Finn asked.

"Don't like sand in my shoes, but I may well dip my toes in."

"Good idea," Rose said, plonking herself down next to Rae and removing her shoes.

They strolled across sand and pebbles towards where the others were stood at the base of the cliff face. Ben and Hux were removing their shoes, having decided that a rock climbing race was a good idea. Rae watched with the others as Hux climbed higher and higher; too high to comfortably jump back down and Ben was fast on his heels.

"What are you two doing, that's really high! How are you going to get down?"

"Rae it's fine, they rock climb all the time," Phoebe said as the boys climbed higher and higher.

"Jesus, Hux is like fucking Spiderman!" Paige announced.

Rae looked up again to see Hux in a very odd position as he turned slightly to face them having reached the invisible finish line before Ben who was leaning back far too casually gripping the cliff with just one arm.

"Yeah and that makes Ben the Beast," Wesley countered.

Everyone turned to Wesley, a tad confused.

"From X-men."

"Ahhhh," proceeded from most of those on the ground and nods that Wesley's assessment was fair. Above them, Hux shook his hand in victory and turned back around and started to come back down the cliff.

"Oh, god. Thank god we have medical professionals with us," Rae said gesturing to Paige and Wesley. "I can't watch anymore; my nerves can't take it. I'm gonna paddle," she said, walking towards the water's edge.

Rae stood in the shallows letting the waves roll over her feet. The water here was warm-ish, but she knew just that little bit further in, and it would be cold. She heard racing feet behind her, and she turned to see Phoebe and Paige charging for her.

"Oh, no fair she heard us coming," Paige yelled, slowing down as Phoebe rushed Rae in a hug.

"That's cos you sound like a herd of charging elephants," Rae answered while being muffled by Paige's embrace.

Once everyone was together again, Hux demanded food in the form of local Dorset ice cream, and no one objected, so they all huddled on a step, dried their feet and donned shoes and headed back towards the village.

.....................................................................................................

The evening back at the farmhouse was a quiet one, Hux wanted to take Phoebe out for a romantic meal, Finn and Rose were heading back into Weymouth to catch a film. Paige and Wesley wanted a quiet evening alone as they were back on shift Tuesday evening, so they'd grabbed food and retired to bed leaving Rae and Ben alone and awkward. After some awkwardness that Rae couldn't stand she excused herself stating she was going to read in bed. However, an hour later, Rae was struggling with her book. Outside it was twilight, not too late to do something. She pondered about playing the piano but decided doing some lengths would be the perfect way to spend the evening before heading to bed. She changed and headed down in her bikini and hoodie with a towel under her arms.

The pool, however, was occupied. Rae could see as she watched the flawless front crawl being displayed that it wasn't Paige or Wesley. The broad back rippling the surface as each arm came up was unmistakably Bens. Rae froze, _fuck, do I just get in, do I wait, should I leave? _Ben reached the end of the pool, and his dark head broke the surface, and he leaned over to grab a bottle from the side. He returned it and turned to start in the other direction but saw her so stood instead.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Coming to swim?" he asked, gesturing to her. Rae's current state of undress suggested swimming so swimming it was.

"Yeah, that ok?" she asked, moving her foot around her awkwardly.

"There's plenty of room."

"I dunno, I mean you're in there- the beast, so not really plenty of room," Rae joked as she dropped her towel and hoodie and slinked into the pool suddenly self-conscious. _Why did she care what Ben thought of her body or swimming technique_?

Ben followed Rae's movements as she crept on tiptoes over to the pool. Ben had noticed Sunday during the sunbathing and volleyball the other tattoos Rae had, that he had wondered about the first time he'd seen her. From what he could see there were six in total, although he thought the ones on her wrists would probably be considered a matching pair. Ben liked tattoos, he didn't have any himself yet, but he liked them, as long as they were done well obviously. Rae's seemed to scream her personality to him, they were delicate lines and mostly musically orientated, and where there was colour, it was on the ones that weren't about music but nature. Her bikini was plain and black, no bold patterns or colours, sporty rather than sexy in its design but most of her back was visible as the straps that crisscrossed her back were thin; her figure in it was stunning to him. Out of the pool, it was starting to feel cold; even the heated water was beginning to chill in the evening air. He watched as she submerged herself in the water then pushed off from the wall, and for a moment, he watched her; she had a decent technique. He took a breath and then followed her lead.

About 30 maybe 40 laps later she stopped and so he stopped too, and for a while, neither of them spoke. It was so much easier with the group; alone, it was so much harder. Mercifully she broke the silence first.

"Quite the sportsman," she stated.

"Only sports you do alone. Not really a team sports fan," he said, keeping himself as submerged as possible. It was now fully dark around them, and the air was cold.

"Yeah, me too."

"I thought you weren't scared of anything?"

"What?"

"Hux and I, climbing the cliff today, you got... anxious. Are you afraid of heights?"

She turned to him now, similarly positioned with everything but her head under the water.

"I'm not afraid of heights; I'm afraid of falling from them. I can do stuff on high ropes courses; I like the challenge just with a rope- always!"

He nodded and smiled, "So you aren't afraid of heights?"

"I was, I overcame it. As long as I feel safe, I'm ok. Not a massive fan of ladders but I like to push myself with those sorts of things. There are definitely things I'm scared of, just wouldn't say heights is top of my list."

"What is top of your list?"

"Spiders and anything that looks spider-like, you know like crabs. Sharks, I won't swim in open water if I can't see around me or the floor, just in case Jaws comes and eats me." Ben laughed at what Rae knew was a ridiculous notion. Rae was very aware more people died a year as a result of falling office furniture and cows than eaten by sharks. "What about you? Any fears?" Rae asked. 

"You mean other than public speaking and small talk?" Ben answered, and now Rae laughed, "I dunno, don't think so."

"Clowns?" Rae asked, and Ben shook his head. "Snakes?" Rae asked again.

"No, I love snakes."

"Me too. Oh did you know there is such a thing as a phobia of beards? Given that you have one, I imagine you're not afraid of them."

Ben laughed, "Really? No, not a fear I have."

"Yep Pogonophobia. What about fear of the dark?" She sang fear of the dark twice mimicking Bruce Dickinson arm gestures and all, and again Ben laughed.

"Was as a kid, but I did this thing in the dark, crawling in tunnels and now I'm ok with it. Can't sleep unless it's pitch black. How about Zombies?"

"Depends if it's like Walking Dead zombies or 28 Days Later/ World War Z zombies, cos if it's Walking Dead zombies I'm good. I mean, how do they creep up on people so easily? 28 Days Later and World War Z zombies can really shift it; they are terrifying."

"Rule 1 Cardio!" Ben said as he nodded in agreement with her, smiling broadly and she laughed back understanding his reference. They were close in the water now, and they were moving in circles around each other. This was possibly the most they'd ever talked, and Ben didn't want it to end, but he didn't know what to say next, and he was aware that he was just looking at her, happy in the moment. As though she knew the difficulty he was struggling with, Rae again broke the silence.

"Broken anything?" she asked.

"Yeah, I broke my arm cycling, broke my leg falling down the stairs as a kid and I've broken my little finger bouldering? What about you?"

"I think I might have broken my toe skiing, it went blue and it hurt."

"What? How? Did you land something badly?" he asked curiously, unsure how one could break a toe inside a ski boot no matter what sort of fancy trick you were attempting.

"Oh no, I walked into the hotel door while on a skiing holiday."

Ben laughed loudly, "That's embarrassing."

"That is most of my life in a nutshell, one ridiculous incident after another. I had to get stitches once because I cut my finger open opening an easy-open can of beans. I mean I've taken a chunk out of myself with a cheese slicer. I once looked like I'd tried to commit suicide once with bandaged up wrists, but actually, I just spilt hot soup on myself. I even walked myself to hospital, hand above my head the whole way having nearly sliced my thumb off with a mirror," she stretched her thumb out to him angling it so he could see the scar running up and down the length of it.

He sucked in a breath with a grimace then raised his eyebrows at her, "That is impressively accident prone."

She smiled at him and for the first time, the person he always saw deep down when he watched her was visible, no sarcasm, no tough exterior; just her.

"What about you any cool scars?" she asked.

"Not that you can see."

She raised her eyebrows at him a devious smile etched on her lips before she bit the corner of her lower lip mischievously, making him laugh nervously.

"No, not like that," he reached forward and took her hand and bent his head down as he placed her hand on his head, moving it back and forth across the centre, going over the soft squishy part where his skull hadn't reformed completely.

"Eurgh," she pulled her hand back, "what happened?"

"Tried somersaulting into a pool as a kid- failed."

She grimaced. They had drifted towards the corner of the pool as they'd chatted and he noticed that she was now hugging herself, rubbing her arms slightly as she moved against a vent that was pushing warmer water into the pool.

"You're cold; you're shivering."

"Yeah."

"You should get out, get warm," he moved towards her and put his hands on her hips, he was surprised at himself, and despite his sudden movement and touch, she stopped holding onto herself and relaxed, looking at him.

"I should."

He looked down at her, taking in a deep breath. Was he reading more into this moment than was actually there? Without a word, he hoisted her up onto the side of the pool. Despite her sitting there, he was still taller than her and he was positioned between her slightly open thighs. He was still gazing at her, he knew; wondering what might happen if he kissed her and how her hips felt within his hands. _She likes someone else he reminded himself. _He then remembered the incident in the club where she'd grabbed that man and told him 'never without my permission', so he released his hands from her waist and stepped back.

"I could've got out on my own," Rae said.

"I know," he said as he lowered his body back underneath the water.

Ben watched as Rae stood and retrieved her towel, wrapping it around her body. She turned and looked at him.

"Night Ben."

"Night Rae."

Rae walked via the kitchen before heading to her room, running through what had just happened. _What had just happened?_ In the kitchen Phoebe was already boiling the kettle, having returned from her romantic evening.

"Hey, Rae. Late-night swim?" she asked, eyeing her curiously.

"Uh, yeah," Rae was grateful to have something else to think about. "How was your evening?"

"It was wonderful," Phoebe gushed. "I don't think I've ever been this happy."

Rae smiled at her, I'm pleased for you; you two are sickeningly perfect for each other."

"I know right," Phoebe said as she made her drink. "You know, and you can tell me to shut up anytime but, you're different."

"What do you mean?"

"You're more relaxed, yourself, you know. The girl only me, Paige or Rose normally see. I can't remember the last time I saw you like this when a guy has been involved."

"A guy isn't involved."

Phoebe turned from making the drinks and gave Rae a stern focused look.

"What?" Rae said, attempting to sound like she didn't know what or more correctly who Phoebe was referring to.

"Rae, I love you, but sometimes you are a fool. Ben is nice, really nice; you could do with some nice for once. I can't remember the last time you had a relationship that lasted more than a month. Maybe Ben is exactly what you need."

"We're just acquaintances, work colleagues. That's all."

"Uh-huh, acquaintances ok." Phoebe's sarcasm wasn't even mildly masked as she aggressively mixed the tea with a spoon. "Just do us all a favour and think about it." With that said, Phoebe left.

Rae made herself a warm drink and headed to the shower to warm up angrily debating with herself and what Phoebe had just said.

As the water washed over her head, she argued with herself._ He was nice, but she didn't like him, not like that, did she? She didn't want nice. She wanted... she wanted. She didn't know what the fuck she wanted_. If she hadn't just showered and didn't think Ben might still be there, she'd head back to the pool because now she was annoyed and there was nothing quite like swimming to help you think of nothing.


	10. Back to Normal-ish

Tuesday morning and everyone was packing up the cars, cleaning the house and making sure they didn't leave anything or accidentally take something- towels and toiletries always being the classics and perfectly acceptable at a hotel but not at an Airbnb. Rae had a small sports bag and packing didn't take long, miraculously her bikini and towel were dry after her evening swim. She was tired; never a morning person at the best of times but her conversation with Phoebe and the roiling of emotions had kept her tossing and turning for hours. A glutton for punishment Rae had been checking her phone every time she frustratingly couldn't get to sleep seeing how much time had passed and therefore how little time she had left to sleep. Ironically as she'd been checking her phone around 3 am she'd received a text message that had finally allowed her to get to sleep, a text from Corey.

_Corey: Hey so just finished work and I've managed to wrangle this Friday evening off if you're free? We can have some drinks and then..._

_Rae: Absolutely. I can meet you straight from work._

_Corey: Cool. Meet at the Intrepid Fox? Say at 8 pm?_

_Rae: Perfect._

Decision made, Rae knew what she wanted, and she would not be deterred by her friends confusing her, she loved them, but they could mind their own business, and finally, she'd been able to sleep.

Bag packed, and laptop fully charged she intended to avoid all conversation on the journey home and work, the big meeting with StarKiller was Friday. It would almost certainly go on beyond working hours, and she wanted to make sure she was fresh and reasonably punctual to meet Corey. Rae grabbed her belongings and headed downstairs for a cup of tea and some toast before the long car journey. In the kitchen Hux, Ben and Phoebe were all standing around the kettle with mugs of tea or coffee.

"Morning sleepyhead, the others have left already," Phoebe said.

Rae merely grunted.

"Not a morning person?" Hux asked.

"I didn't sleep well," Rae responded, turning on the kettle.

"Here gimme your bag I'll put it in the car, as soon as you've got yourself tea and food we'll go," Hux said, moving towards Rae and taking her bag. Out of the corner of her eye, Rae watched Hux leave, and Ben look at her then follow Hux out to the car.

"You ok?" Phoebe asked, putting a hand on Rae's shoulder.

"Yeah, perfect. Corey text me late last night date is set for Friday," Rae said without looking at her friend while making her tea and toast. She felt Phoebe remove her hand and her quiet judgement on the information she'd just shared.

"Ra..," Phoebe started

"Don't Phoebe. I know you mean well, but it's my life. I like Corey. Ben is my boss, and he's ....he's, he's too quiet- aloof even. He's utterly....utterly....... I'm not interested, so please leave it alone." As Rae turned to Phoebe, Hux and Ben were in the doorway.

_FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKKK!_

It wasn't that Ben wasn't those things, but Rae certainly hadn't wanted him to hear. He was looking awkwardly at his feet and Hux was pulling that awkward face he pulled that half-smile, half scowl grimace. Rae gulped her tea, it was too hot, and it burnt, but she couldn't exactly spit it back out. Tea finished, she grabbed her piece of toast and headed out the door past everyone staring at her, attempting to maintain an iota of pride, given her little rant. She plonked herself on the backseat behind the driver's seat. Laptop out and headphones in, her angry extra heavy playlist on- BMTH, Rammstein, Slipknot, Korn and Bury Tomorrow mostly going round and round on repeat. She was going to work and had no intention of being conversed with awkwardly by anyone!

Rae got lots done in the car; she'd been in the zone and entirely focused, creating potential alien looks for the perfume advert. _Why was it that the go-to was always blue skin? Why was blue preferred over all the other colours? Most of the mutants in x-men had blue skin_. She'd worked the mutant idea into some of her sketches; it was a striking twist instead of just alien. After a while, the particularly angry playlist had become too much, and she was getting agitated. By the time they reached the end of the M3, her creativity was spent. Rae closed the laptop and put on something a little mellower instead, one of her favourite albums as a teenager; The Crow soundtrack and she dozed off, only waking when the motion of the car stopped, and she opened her eyes to see they were home. She scrambled out the car half asleep in a typically un-lady-like manner. Hux and Phoebe were kissing each other goodbye, and Ben had her bag. _Uuuuuhhhhhh_. She begrudgingly trudged over to him, arm out to accept her luggage.

"Thanks" she muttered, taking it from him and avoiding eye contact.

"You're welcome," his voice was soft, and there was something else in it. Rae felt a lump in her throat, a physical manifestation of guilt over what she'd said. This time she'd been rude, and he'd overheard. He hadn't done anything wrong all weekend. She'd just been grumpy.

"Listen... um about earlier, what I said, you know, about you....I.."

"You're right."

"What?" now she looked at him, and he was looking down at her.

"You're right; I am too quiet and reserved. I'm working on it." Each statement his eyes went from his feet to her face and back again.

"I know you are....I'm sorry. I'm working on being less of a bitch. I'm sorry and I really didn't mean it; I just wanted Phoebe to get off my back."

"About what?" he questioned.

"Doesn't matter," she placed a hand on his arm, "I'll see you in work tomorrow."

"Yeah," he smiled and watched her go into her flat, Phoebe following behind.

-X-

Back in the car now sat in the passenger seat next to Hux Ben leant his head back on the car seat; before Hux started the car up properly, he turned to him.

"You ok over there, man? That was the most awkward car journey I've had in a while."

He brought his head back and looked at him.

"Fine. Let's go home."

"Right you are."

He wasn't precisely fine; he thought they'd made progress over the weekend that she was warming to him and that something had changed. He knew she liked Corey and he had to admit that the comments hurt, but then she had apologised. He shook his head and stared out the window of the streets of London as they made their way north towards the river.

.................................

The week (two days before Friday) in work was frantic, late nights and lots of meetings. Rae, Finn, Poe, Hux and Ben were in one such session currently. StarKiller were arriving at lunchtime, and they were preparing all their ideas for presentation. A lengthy lunch with introductions was planned first and then to business. Rae's date with Corey was later tonight, and she had everything with her to go straight from work- change of clothes, more makeup, deodorant, hair straighteners- the works.

"Ok guys, let's break and wait for their arrival. We'll get the food set up here," Hux said as he called reception.

"Janie, can we get the food brought in please?"

"Yes, Mr Andrews," came Janie's nasal voice through the speaker.

Rae walked out of the room with Finn and Poe towards the kitchen.

"God caffeine I beg you," Finn said, leaning heavily on Poe as though he might collapse.

"We're on it buddy, caffeine is coming," Poe answered, raising his eyebrows at Rae and smiling.

Rae boiled the kettle.

"God this week is killing me," Poe said, leaning back on the kitchen worktop with Finn leaning on him.

"It'll be over soon, we're gonna rock this," Rae responded.

"Someone is overly cheery," Poe commented.

"Ah well, she has a date tonight," Finn said, looking up from Poe's shoulder.

"Oh, with the boss?" Poe asked.

"No," Rae said, making a screwed up face at him.

"Nah some guy called Corey, barman at the club they all go to."

"Corey. Who the fuck is Corey?" Poe asked again, Finn now removed himself from Poe's shoulder.

"I just told you, pay attention. He's the barman at the club they all go to."

"That we all go to," Rae corrected.

"So .. why not the boss man? Thought you guys were you know getting friendly?" Poe asked utterly genuine, no gossip and no silliness and it took Rae a little aback.

"We're just friends, not even friends, really. I barely know him, and he barely knows me."

"So? Do you know this guy Corey?"

"Yeah. Actually, no, no not really. That's not the point."

"What is the point?" Poe asked.

At that moment, Hux rushed past the kitchen, giving them an urgent look. They headed back to the meeting room; Ben stood ready at the door. As Rae walked past him, she could see a vein in his neck twitching, and his hands were clenched at his sides, he was nervous. She placed a hand on his elbow.

"Hey."

He looked down at her.

"We got this, relax. Breathe. Go on, breathe," Ben inhaled deeply and exhaled deeply, and Rae nodded at him. "We got this, ok; we're all here backing you up."

She turned to see Hux heading their way with a group of people behind who could only be the StarKiller leads. Everything about them screamed fashion heads, wearing their creations looking like supermodels, except for not being stereotypically tall or slim enough, but with that air of arrogance- sunglasses indoors sort of look. She gave Ben's arm a reassuring squeeze and scarpered into the meeting room and her seat.

........................................................

The meeting was long, very long and it had initially been difficult to ascertain whether StarKiller was impressed they were so quiet- quieter even than Ben! They'd taken everything in and whispered amongst themselves. Eventually, after more food and drink had been brought in around 6 pm, the feedback was given. They wanted to use the mutant theme Rae had come up with, but more subtle- no blue skin, just striking futuristic makeup and contact lenses. They wanted to merge it with the dystopian future that they'd all initially come up with. They wanted this theme throughout everything, including the posters but wanted the billboards to be a higher impact. Notes were rapidly taken, and then everyone agreed a glass of bubbly was necessary to celebrate a job well done, and all of a sudden the air of importance around the StarKiller leads faded away and they began to chat casually with the team.

Rae glanced at her watch it had gone 7 pm, time to start preparing for her Corey date. She abstained herself as she went to freshen up in the bathroom. She could be fashionably late; at least it wasn't far from the office to the Intrepid Fox. Rae exited the bathroom and was stowing some belongings under her desk safe till Monday when Ben walked over.

"Hey."

"Hi," she looked up and smiled at him.

"You look nice."

She looked down at herself; she'd made an effort by doing something with her hair for once, tying it back in a messy ponytail. Otherwise, she looked pretty standard; black cropped biker jeans and a plain black t-shirt.

"Thanks, I've got a date with Corey."

"Right yeah."

"You guys all sticking around for a while?" she asked, waving towards the meeting room where more drinks were being poured.

"Yeah. I'm not drinking anymore but yeah hanging around here for a while," Ben answered. "Thanks, you know for earlier. Hux is normally the one that helps me out like that."

Rae touched his arm again, a genuine smile on her face.

"You're welcome. You have no reason to be nervous, you know."

He smiled down at her, and she felt a churn in her stomach and that familiar tightness in her chest and ignored it as best she could.

"I gotta go, there's fashionably late, and then there's just late," she said, and despite herself and everything she knew it would do, she stood on tiptoes and gently kissed him on the cheek breathing in that lovely soapy smell that for a moment made her feel heady. _Stop it, Rae, what are you doing?_

"See you on Monday."

Ben didn't respond as he watched her leave; he wasn't entirely sure he was breathing. She'd taken him a bit by surprise. She was clearly just trying to make up for what happened Tuesday as they left the holiday cottage and the subsequent car journey. Perhaps they could be friends, maybe he could hope for more. He shook his head at himself; she was going off on a date, and yet he couldn't shake off all their moments together. Would it be so dangerous to hope? He sighed and headed back into the meeting room and grabbed an orange juice.


	11. The Date

If Rae was fashionably late then Corey was just plain late, Rae had arrived at the Intrepid Fox around 8.20 and searched around for Corey aimlessly before heading to the bar and getting herself a drink and sitting at a table in the corner. Rae checked her phone to confirm she had the time right and was then annoyed that he wasn't here; which was hypocritical she knew, she had been late so had no real reason to be annoyed at him for being late, but still, she was. Rae was beginning to think she was being stood up when Corey came strolling up to her casually at around 9 pm; no excuses and no apologies, as though this had always been the time they'd agreed upon. Dressed as he usually was in the club, dark t-shirt and slim jeans, gorgeous and charming whatever offence he'd committed forgotten as he sat. With his wavy blonde hair and sun-tanned skin, Corey would've fitted in better on the coast on a surfboard than behind the bar anywhere. _How was he naturally so brown, it was mid-May, and the sun had barely shown its face,_ Rae pondered to herself. Mind you in his line of work sunbathing during the day; every day was probably possible.

The Intrepid Fox played their kind of music louder on the dance floor downstairs, but up in the bar, it was quieter, so a conversation was possible. However, Rae couldn't help but notice the superficial nature of the conversations they were having and how extremely one-sided they were. They talked about music, his band and the bar. He didn't ask her any questions, and as he prattled on about a gig he'd done, she couldn't help thinking about her conversation with Ben in the pool and how it compared. _Stop it, Rae. _She reprimanded herself; you_ wanted this date- remember._ They hadn't been at the bar long maybe an hour and a half when Rae felt Corey's hand on her thigh stroking slowly upwards and his little finger lightly brushing the seam of her jeans under her zip. He was smiling at her, dimples showing and perfect white teeth behind.

"You wanna take this to my place so we can finish our conversation more.... privately?"

Rae gulped her drink visibly. Wow, that was bold and kind of unexpected. Rae inwardly rejoiced that she had worn her better lacy underwear today rather than her usual sporty/comfy choice. She was also grateful she'd made sure to shave everything this morning.

"Ok," was all she could manage in response and so they gathered up their things and left.

"My place isn't far; we can walk or take the tube."

Rae didn't fancy sobering up, and so they decided on taking the tube. On both the escalators and the tube, Corey couldn't and wouldn't keep his hands to himself, stroking Rae's waist, hips and back, nuzzling her neck smiling at her while biting his lip. Rae hated PDA and given that this was the first date, and they were not in a long term or loving relationship she was feeling particularly awkward. The tube stop they got off at was the one she got off at for work.

"Oh, close to the club then?"

"Yeah really convenient for work and cheap," Corey responded.

They stopped at an off licence, and Corey picked up some booze, stepping out of the shop he took out his key and opened the very narrow door directly next to the shop that led to a narrow staircase to the upstairs apartment. Rae inwardly grimaced. She had never much liked the idea of living somewhere like that, which is why she and the girls had chosen to live further from central, far enough south to get a decent amount of space and for less money. _Don't be a snob Rae; she_ chastised herself. Inside, however, it got no better, the apartment was tiny and beige and like so many rental properties very poorly managed and maintained. It felt like student flats from University where everything needed a good clean and things were left broken. The kitchen was a cupboard, an oven and a fridge in the corner of the living room. Rae wasn't convinced you could call it a living room, more of a space that contained a mix match of different stained chairs and leading off of it were five doors, a bedroom for each of the inhabitants and she presumed a bathroom. Corey went to the cupboard and got out two plastic cups, poured the drinks and handed one to Rae who gratefully accepted and drank speedily hoping to feel tipsy again. Corey smiled, took her by the hand and led her to his room.

His room was meagre, dark and grim; a blanket acted as a makeshift curtain thrown haphazardly over the window. Spread around the floor were piles of dark, dirty clothes Rae could barely see the carpet but what Rae could see was worn, patchy and stained. His bed took up most of the space it was unmade, and the covers were an odd taupe brown colour. He turned his music system on then removed Rae's bag and jacket and slung them onto his chest of drawers and then pulled her onto the bed with him. Corey was a great kisser, and thankfully he smelt fantastic a musky cologne that blocked out the slightly damp smell of his bedsheets. Corey's lips were soft and full, and as he parted his mouth with his tongue, his kisses were delicate and seductive. His hand went from stroking the side of her thigh to her arse and then moved inside her top and gently squeezed her breast. He pulled back from her and removed his t-shirt and flung it behind him before assuming their previous interactions. Rae lost herself in the moment, in his hair, in his lips and his groin pressed against hers. She wanted him- badly. Corey began kissing her neck and gently nipping it with his teeth, at one point plunging his teeth hard into the part where her neck met her shoulders, and Rae gasped despite herself. Corey pulled back smiling and removed her top chucking it somewhere and resumed kissing Rae's neck moving down her chest and stomach and resting on her hips before looking up and giving her a particularly devious smile. _Oh god,_ Rae thought, peering down at him _we're going to have sex._ He came back up and leaning on his elbow began kissing her neck again he undid her trousers and his hand headed within.

"I know how adventurous you are, so how do you wanna do it?" he said as he stroked the outside of her panties.

"What?" Rae asked she wasn't exactly paying attention.

"I know how adventurous you are and I'm up for anything, I've got a balcony if you fancy it, it's small, but it could be fun."

Now Rae's lusty haze was broken; _what the fuck was he talking about adventurous? Balcony?_

"What are you talking about?" she said, turning to him and grabbing his hand out from her trousers.

"How do you wanna do it? I'm up for anything you like."

"No Corey I get what you're saying, why do you think I'm adventurous and up for sex al fresco?" The hand that had been down her trousers was now stroking her stomach.

"The game at the hen party," he stated as though making perfect sense.

Rae sat upright and scrutinised him.

"What game?"

"You know the sit down if you haven't had sex here game," Corey said now stroking her arm. "You were one of the last ones standing."

The realisation hit Rae in a sobering flash, and she groaned, hiding her face in her hands.

"Hey no judgement, no judgement I dig it," Corey said as though the reason Rey had hidden her face was over some sort of fake shame.

Rae sighed, "Corey I was one of the first people to sit down, I just didn't have a chair," she said, turning to look at him straight on.

"Oh," Corey said, removing his hand from stroking her arm, disappointment evident on his face.

"Is that why you asked me out because you thought I'd had loads of sex, in loads of ways?"

Corey placed a hand on her back again now, "Hey no biggy it's cool, we can still have sex. I like you, you like me, it'll be fun, and maybe you'll start to feel more adventurous?"

The track that had been playing ended and Rae heard the notes of a familiar song sung by the oh so familiar vocals of Jack Black.

"Fun?" she asked questioningly.

"Yeah, I don't want a relationship or anything just you know a good time."

In the background, the verse properly started to kick in.

** _'You don't always have to fuck her hard_ **   
** _In fact sometimes that's not right to do_ **   
** _Sometimes you got to make some love_ **   
** _And fuckin' give her some smooches too.'_ **

It was like she was being given a sign- FUCK THIS! Rae lept off the bed and began hunting for her top which Corey had chucked amongst the pile in the corner.

"Rae come on we can still have a good time together."

She threw it on then pulled on her shoes and leather biker jacket. As she grabbed her bag and got her phone out the song was coming to a close.

** _'And then I'm gonna love you completely_ **   
** _And then I'll fucking fuck you discreetly_ **   
** _And then I'll fucking bone you completely_ **   
** _But then_ **   
** _I'm gonna fuck you hard!'_ **

"Bye, Corey," she said as she stormed out of the room slamming the door; leaving Corey still lying on the bed, the exact image of her teenage fantasy, a blonde-haired and tattooed Adonis. She charged out of his apartment and down the stairs putting in her headphones and selecting her gym playlist- Stress by Justice started up, all noise, fuelling her anger, and she stomped down the street. She was angry, so angry, but not at Corey at herself, how could she be so stupid, so foolish. He was the kind of guy she always went for, and it always ended this way sooner or later; her heartbroken and alone. At least this time she wasn't heartbroken. Phoebe was right, and in her pride, she'd ignored her. Rae growled and stopped in her tracks. _Enough_. It was at this point she realised she had no idea where she was. Her phone was buzzing against her jacket pocket, and Rae got it out to get Google maps up. Her phone was buzzing because she had 5% battery. _FUCK!_ She opened Google maps and quickly zoomed out and could see the tube for work; it was still the closest. As she tracked the route, got herself orientated and tried to memorise the number of streets straight and right and straight again, her phone died.

"Oh for the love of god! FUCK!" she screamed at the pavement.

_Chill Rae, it's not that far. Just get to work, and you'll be fine from there._

It was astounding to Rae that on the back roads of London it was possible to come across no public transport. Not that she'd get on a night bus. After a few rather scary incidents travelling alone on last trains and night buses, she would rather walk than get a night bus. Twenty minutes later, headphones in despite no music because it made her feel safer as she hoped it might deter any Friday night drifters from accosting her she came alongside her work building. She stopped in relief and leaned against the building. As she recalled the events that had led her back here, she began to sort of laugh and cry at the same time. Feeling sort of sorry for herself, but also that she deserved this shitty evening. At least she'd be on a tube soon and home, but then she'd have to face telling her friends. _Uuugghhhh huh huh_.

"Rae." She turned from the wall to the sound of a familiar voice saying her name. There he was, of course, he was- Ben.


	12. Hot Chocolate

The meeting with StarKiller had turned into a bit of a party. Phoebe had turned up around 9 pm, and they had loved her and numbers had been swapped. They had wanted to convince her that modelling for them was a good idea, to which Phoebe kept saying 'I'm a lawyer', but it hadn't deterred them in any way. Around 11.30 pm they'd finally left. Ben told everyone to head home, and he'd clean up. Phoebe and Hux tried to hang back, but he insisted, and they went with Finn and Poe. Ben cleared everything away, and just before midnight, he grabbed his motorcycle helmet from the gallery and turned off the lights and set the alarms. Phoebe was staying over, as she did most Friday nights and so Ben planned to drive around then go to Maz's before heading home. Tonight, in particular, he'd need the ride because right now Rae was with Corey. He closed his eyes and heavily sighed, then continued to lock up the building and went round to get his bike. As he did so, he saw the figure of someone leaning against the wall, a familiar figure, one he felt he'd know anywhere.

"Rae?"

The figure moved away from the wall and turned towards him, it was her, and she looked different.

"Rae, what are you doing here?" As he walked towards her, he could see her face more distinctly; she seemed agitated and distressed. "Oh my god, are you ok? Did he hurt you?" he placed his hands on her arms and searched her face and what he could see of her body with his eyes.

"No, no. He didn't. I'm fine. Honestly." She looked up at him, "I just have the worst taste in men."

He let go of her arms and walked back to his bike, opening his top box and removing his spare helmet that Hux usually wore. He returned to Rae who was standing there a little bit like a zombie, staring into space. He walked over and plonked the helmet rather unceremoniously on her head. He checked it was on ok and then taking her hand he dragged her towards his bike. He let go of her hand as he wheeled it out onto the road, straddled it, pulled his helmet on and started up the engine. He knocked the stand up and lifted his visor to look at Rae; she was just standing there.

"Rae," he said, reaching out a hand for her, she took his hand and mounted the bike behind him. He could feel her get comfy behind him and look for something to hold onto eventually deciding to hold onto the chrome bars on which his top box was mounted. He drove to where he'd been planning on going- Maz's.

Ben parked up next to the floating barge and turned the engine off, putting the stand back down, Rae got off first and stood to wait for him without removing the helmet. Ben took his off and peered down at her and rapped her on her helmeted head.

"You gonna take that off?" he asked as he undid her chin strap.

Rae pulled it off and handed it back to him, still utterly silent, which was really unlike her.

"Ok, come on Walker," he said. Ben steered Rae towards the entrance of Maz's late-night cafe, his arm around her back they entered through the door and he shepherded Rae towards his usual window booth that overlooked the river.

Maz waddled over to the booth.

"Hey, honey, usual?"

Ben looked over at Maz. She was short, really short with the sort of glasses that magnified her eyes- milk bottle bottom kind of spectacles. She was great, and he liked her enormously; she was kind and wrinkled, like a great aunt.

"Please and a ..." he looked over at Rae who was staring out over the river, "a hot chocolate please."

"Coming right up," Maz waddled off to the counter area.

Ben sat silently regarding Rae, wringing his hands. Now in the light, as he observed her, he could see she was ok. Nothing awful had happened, but she was not herself, and so he waited. Eventually, without looking at him, she asked.

"Do you often come here?"

"Whenever Phoebe stays over."

Now Rae turned to him quizzically.

"I'm not a great sleeper and our apartment, due to its industrial nature needs .. some soundproofing."

She smiled, catching his meaning, "Oh shit, are they loud?"

"They try not to be but..."

Maz came over with the drinks, placing them on the table and then silently shuffled back behind the counter. Rae smiled down at her drink and cupped her hands around it like she was trying to hug the warmth out of it.

"So... bad date?" Ben asked.

"The worst. I was so stupid, such a fool. It's so, so embarrassing."

"You don't have to tell me," Ben said, taking a sip of his tea.

"You know in a few years I imagine it'll be one of those hilarious tales you tell people, that doesn't even sound believable, but right now I'm wallowing in my sheer idiocy."

Ben was intrigued but didn't push, whatever had happened; it wasn't his business, and he wasn't sure he wanted details. His fist clenched on the table despite himself; he relaxed it and took another sip of his drink.

"Would you permit me to tell you something that might lessen your regrets somewhat?"

"What?" Rae asked, taking a big gulp of chocolate.

"Hux and I discussed telling you, he suggested I say something, but I felt it was best to allow you to decide for yourself. That it wasn't our place to interfere and that nothing we said would necessarily deter you."

"Tell me what?" now she sounded annoyed.

"We've known Corey a while, and I'm afraid whatever caused you to feel foolish, you weren't the first girl, and you certainly won't be the last. A few years back, Hux had a particularly unpleasant encounter with him."

"In what way?" Rae now asked concern etched on her face.

"Hux had a girlfriend; it was serious, they'd been together since high school and all through University. He was going to ask her to marry him. Everyone knew, including everyone at the club but that didn't stop Corey. She went out one night without Hux, girls only and Corey made his move, Hux found them together at her's the next morning. Afterwards, it was awful. Chloe, that's Hux's girlfriend, was a mess. She thought Corey had honestly liked her, that she'd thrown everything with Hux away for you know the real thing, but it wasn't, and she was devastated. Hux couldn't forgive her."

"Nor should he have," Rae stated matter-of-factly. "So Corey really is a nasty bastard." She said it as a statement rather than a question.

"I'm sorry we didn't say anything sooner."

Rae looked down at her drink, "I probably wouldn't have listened but thank god it didn't get to that point of regret, figured it out before anything physical happened."

"Really? How?"

Rae sighed and placed her head on the table in exaggerated shame, "He asked me if I wanted to... do it on the balcony.... cos I'm so adventurous."

Ben took a sip of his drink, not saying anything, trying not to show the race of questions flowing through his mind.

"He got the impression from a game that got played at Paige's hen party; this game where you sit down if you haven't had sex somewhere. I sat down pretty promptly, but I didn't have a chair and stood back up again, and that's why he asked me out."

"Wow, that's....that's awkward."

"You know the thing that clinched it for me to get the fuck out of there was the song that came on as he was trying to get over his disappointment that I wasn't quite the sexpert he thought."

Now Ben was intrigued again.

"Tenacious D," Rae said, hiding her head in her hands and looking up at him blushing with an embarrassed grimace on her face.

Ben scrutinised her, she wanted him to figure it out without saying it, and it didn't take him long, and he guffawed, "No.... seriously? No! You Don't Have to Fuck Her Hard? No!"

"I mean you cannot make this shit up. It is just too ridiculous, right? It's just unfucking believable!" she was laughing with her arms across the table. Ben laughed freely.

"What is that you're drinking? It looks like piss!" she queried.

Managing to contain himself, Ben drained what was left, "Camomile tea."

Rae nodded bemused and finished drinking her chocolate.

"Thanks, I needed that."

"You're welcome."

"You ever been in love?" she asked him.

He eyed her carefully and stroked his beard. He couldn't be honest with her about his feelings, now was not the time and if truth be told he wasn't one hundred per cent sure of what he felt. He did know however that no one he'd been with previously had been love. Infatuation maybe but not love.

"No. You?"

"Once I think when I was like seventeen. We were never together, together you know physically, but I think I loved him."

"I don't think you need to have sex to know you love someone, it can increase intimacy sure, but you can still love someone without it. Just like it's perfectly possible to have sex and not love someone."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. I made better decisions back then; he was great."

"Another blonde, wannabe rockstar who liked Tenacious D?" Ben joked.

Rae gave him a fierce squint, but the corner of her mouth was turned up in a smile.

"Too soon?" he joked again, and Rae fully smiled.

"No nothing like Corey. He was tall, dark, quiet. He was very like you actually; aloof."

"Really?"

"Yeah, despite my behaviour towards you, you are my type, minus the initial arsehole behaviour."

Ben smiled before responding affirmatively, "Fair."

"You're not an arsehole anymore. Maybe you never really were," she said as she played with her empty cup.

"I've been working on that. Hux has regularly told me that the first impression I make on people is rarely positive. Come off a bit.."

"Of a dick?" Rae finished his sentence with a warm smile.

Ben nodded, then looked down at his empty cup between his hands.

"Actually Hux uses psychopath, which I would say is worse."

Rae laughed, and Ben looked up and smiled at her.

"What's your type?" Rae asked.

Ben's smile faded. How honest could he be here? She'd already confessed he was her type.

"I thought that was rather obvious," he said directly taking a deep breath as she looked up and their eyes locked on each other.

At that moment, of course, Maz interrupted, and Ben turned to her.

"Can I get you two dears a refill?"

He looked back at Rae, "You want another?"

"Yeah, I can't face heading home yet."

"Please Maz, thanks."

They sat silently till the new drinks came over. Rae spoke first, holding the cup within her hands again for warmth.

"No more serious chat. Tell me something about you, what's your favourite movie?

Ben looked up as though searching his memory.

"That's a tough one. Gonna have to go with one that stands the test of time. Toss up between Die Hard and Labyrinth."

"The David Bowie one?" Rae questioned.

"Yeah."

"Bloody love that film, love those 80's puppet films Henson did," Rae said. "Have a love of Dark Crystal, but it's bloody terrifying."

"Oh yeah, the Skeksis were horrifying," Ben said with a mild shudder. "What's yours?"

"It's a tough one cos I love you know series of films like Lord of the Rings, X-men, The Marvel Universe from Iron Man, not Hulk, I feel that distinction is important and of course Star Wars. For an individual film though I'm gonna have to say the Crow, love how dark and gothic and yet poetic it is and the music in it- stellar! Favourite book?"

"Lord of the Rings. You?"

"Oh, snap. Um, Game of Thrones, but I wish he'd finish it already."

"Don't we all. Favourite band?"

"Gonna have to go with one that's stood the test of time, Incubus. What about you?"

"Metallica."

The conversation continued like that while they drank their second drinks, discussing books, festivals, films, TV series and museums until the dregs of both beverages were stone cold. Ben looked at his watch; it was nearing 3 am.

"I should get you home," he said.

"You don't have to drive me home, I can get the night tube," Rae said, standing up.

Ben went and paid.

"Nonsense," he said on returning thrusting the helmet at her. She took it from him begrudgingly. As they walked out, Ben put his helmet back on. He climbed aboard his bike starting it up, and once he was ready, Rae jumped on behind him, this time not holding onto the rails of his top box but wrapping her arms around his waist and holding onto his jacket. _Don't read too much into it, Ben; she's probably just cold._

At this hour of the night, it didn't take long to get down to where Rae lived. He parked outside her home and noticed a lack of immediacy regarding getting off the bike. He sat up and lifted his visor.

"Rae?"

She didn't say anything from behind him, he just felt her hands tighten slightly on his waist and then release. He felt her weight shift as she removed herself from the bike. As she moved into his view more clearly, she was removing her helmet. The glumness that had been present when he'd found her outside the office seemed to have returned. _Was she regretting not staying with Corey_? She handed him the helmet, and he placed it back in the top box. She was looking awkwardly at her feet.

"I um...I had a really nice night. With you, I mean not the bit before that obviously." 

Within his helmet, he smiled, though he knew she couldn't see. 

"Thank you," she said, now looking at him.

"You're most welcome."

"I guess I'll see you on Monday at work."

"Yes, you will."

"Ok. Goodnight Ben."

"Night Rae."

He waited until she was in and had shut the door and then waited just a bit longer then pulled his visor down and drove back home. He would allow himself to hope that maybe, just maybe they could be more than friends.

-X-

Inside her apartment, Rae having closed the door immediately turned and looked through the peephole at Ben outside on his bike. Like her 20th Century Knight in shining fucking armour complete with his chrome steed. That feeling was in her stomach and had moved up to her throat, making her feel like she couldn't breathe. She was trying to suppress the urge to run out to him. How had one night turned her world upside down? Everything she thought she'd wanted, everything she thought she knew in her core was wrong. She understood now, and she was utterly clueless about what to do about it. She watched him ride off and leaned her head on the door, eyes closed groaning to herself, then headed to the bathroom to shower; she wanted to wash every inch of Corey off her. As of tomorrow, everything would be different- everything.


	13. What to Do?

Phoebe knocked tentatively on Rae's door, it wasn't exactly early, but she'd been home awhile, and neither she nor Rose had seen Rae that morning yet. She and Hux had spoken to Ben that morning when they'd gotten up. He'd been vague on the details but said he'd found Rae outside work late last night and driven her home. Hux had then relayed the story of his ex- Chloe. Phoebe had excused herself as soon as she was decent and grabbed some food and headed home. On arriving back, the apartment was quiet, and Rose was sitting in the living room curled up in her dressing gown watching TV.

"Hey, you're home earlier than usual," she said greeting Phoebe.

"Is Rae home?"

"I think I heard her get in late. Not seen her this morning and I woke up stupid early; couldn't get back to sleep."

Phoebe ran a hand through her hair.

"Ok."

"Everything alright."

"Yeah, yeah I'm gonna make some tea, you want some?"

"Always," Rose said as if the question was stupid.

Phoebe made tea took one to Rose on the sofa and took the other to where she now stood outside Rae's door, there was no answer, and so she opened it slowly wishing they'd used some WD40 on their doors as it screeched loudly despite her best efforts. The room was dark, but Rae wasn't in her bed she was sat in the corner of the room in her rocking chair knees drawn up to her chest, headphones in but clearly not very loudly as she turned to look at Phoebe and immediately removed them and gave her a wan smile. Phoebe closed the door behind her and took the tea over to Rae then perched herself on the edge of Rae's bed.

"Hey. You ok?"

Rae held the cup and looked at her.

"Ben told you?"

"No details, he just said he found you outside work, brought you home. That you'd had a bad night and then Hux told me about Chloe."

Rae noticed the way Phoebe said Chloe, disdainful, even a little jealous that someone before her had been that important to Hux and hurt him and it made Rae smile.

"It's no big deal; honestly, I'm fine."

"Then why are you sat in the dark alone?"

Now Rae started to tear up, and Phoebe went to her side and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Rae don't get upset."

"I feel so ashamed."

"Hey, he's the one that should feel ashamed not you."

"What?" Rae looked at her, confused.

"He's just a player and thank goo..."

"I'm not ashamed about Corey, fuck Corey. I've already forgotten about him."

Phoebe leaned back from her, confused, "Then... why are you upset?"

"Phoebe," Rae paused, giving her a desolate expression, "I've been so blind. You were right, and I didn't listen to you."

Phoebe smiled, "You never listen to me."

"No, no I listen to you, I take it all in and then I do what I want regardless because I don't want to believe anyone else might be right. I'm so bloody stubborn and proud. I thought I knew what I wanted, and I was so stupid, and now I don't know what to do."

Phoebe looked at her again sitting on the floor now, "About what?"

Rae gave her an anguished face, "About Ben."

Phoebe raised her eyebrows at her, questioningly, "Ben?"

"I've been so awful to him, I've been unkind, and I'm so ashamed. He didn't deserve it and all because of that first time we met him."

Phoebe smiled recalling as she leaned back on Rae's bed, sipping her tea.  
"_'Not pretty enough to tempt me_.' He was rude."

"Yes and then he wasn't, and I've been so fixated on that initial meeting I've let it impair everything I've seen from him. He's not an arsehole, he's nice.... and... I like him."

"Re-a-l-ly?" Phoebe dragged the word out and rolled her eyes slightly.

"I think I always did, and now if I'm 100% honest with myself, I like him, I really like him."

"Well shit, I could've told you that," Phoebe retorted taking a few big mouthfuls.

Rae smiled at her and sipped her own.

"You know he told me he liked me."

"He did? When?"

"Before your birthday weekend away, he said he liked me exactly as I am."

Phoebe's face showed her shock. "Wow, exactly as you are, not less mean and aggressive? Less sarcastic and blunt?" she asked teasingly.

"Yep," Rae said, taking another big swig of tea.

"That is a big deal; there aren't many people who can offer that, liking you exactly as you are."

Rae gave a big sigh, "I know. What the hell am I going to do?" she asked, running a hand through her hair.

"That's a tough one, don't be subtle; being subtle is not going to get it done. Not sure Ben is all that great at reading subtle."

Rae was nodding, "Right, yeah, I can do that."

"You still got the plus one for Paige's wedding; you could ask him to be yours?" Phoebe suggested.

"Hasn't Paige already invited him?" Rae queried.

"Yeah but I think Hux wasn't sure he was going to come for all of it, maybe just the evening, if at all."

"Ok. Yeah, I'll do that."

Phoebe clinked their cups together in a cheer at the plan that had been formulated.

..............................................................................................

Rae woke up Monday before her alarm, never had she been so eager to get to work. She'd risen early and made sure she made more of an effort with regards to her appearance than usually would for work. Rae felt nervous, and she couldn't eat; the anticipation was filling her throat. Her normal selection of music to walk to the tube was making her already jittery disposition twitchier. So she had to listen to something a little less aggressive to calm herself- a slightly more chilled out playlist filled with Radiohead, Bon Iver and Jeff Buckley. Her arrival at the office was the first because even Janie wasn't at the reception desk, so she headed to the kitchen got herself a tea, checked her emails and got out her sketchpad. Her current state of angst needed an output, so she started drawing a pair of hands, a triptych of hands as they reached for each other and then entwined, she should've done this yesterday, and maybe then she would've slept!

Hux's presence at her desk went utterly unnoticed until he touched her shoulder, causing her to jump and yell out which elicited a similar reaction from him, complete with rather girlish-pitched yelps.

"Sorry."

"Jesus!" she exclaimed, holding her panting chest.

"Sorry, sorry," he said again.

"Good set of vocals there Hux you should sing harmony with Ben," she joked referring to his surprisingly high pitched yowl.

He smiled at her, "You're very early this morning Rae. Everything ok?" he asked as he eyed her sketch.

Rae closed her sketchpad, "Yeah I was having trouble sleeping, and I was anxious to uh ... to see Ben."

"Is that so?" an amused smirk crossed his face.

"Did he um...did he say anything to you?"

"He told me the date with Corey went badly. Which I was delighted to hear- sorry; not sorry. Other than finding you outside work and taking you to that place he goes to and taking you home, no he didn't."

"Right."

"Ben's my best friend, but he doesn't tell me everything," Hux added attempting to be helpful.

"Yeah," Rae felt downcast and obviously looked it because Hux continued.

"However if you want my opinion he's seemed 'buoyant' since then. Difficult for him to seem chirpy, cos you know it's Ben, but I'd say he's been positively agreeable. You know, smiling, joking, talking. He's verging on cheerful. Big deal." Rae leaned back in her chair and smiled Hux was teasing, but it was clear what he was hinting at.

"Seriously though, what would you suggest I do?" Rae asked him.

"If you like him, tell him," Hux shrugged as though the solution was that obvious and that easy.

"Tell him," Rae asked, not hiding the sarcastic undertones.

"Tell him."

"That's helpful Hux, thanks, will do," Rae said just as sarcastically saluting him with her fingers.

"No problem," Hux placed a hand on her shoulder and patted her then turned and walked to the gallery while Rae placed her head on her desk in exasperation. It would be 9 am soon, everyone would be in so she decided to get on with actual work and thankfully after the meeting with StarKiller there was plenty of it to be had, so headphones back in she got to it.

11 am was the unofficial designated tea break time when her, Poe and Finn went to the kitchen on mass. Rae had been in the zone, so engrossed in work she'd missed Ben's entrance to the gallery above. She could see him standing next to the desk at which Hux was sat. _Fuck's sake you come in early to see him, and you miss him_. She grabbed her cup and headed to the kitchen Finn and Poe falling in behind her.

"So Rae Friday?" Finn asked animatedly, managing to hint at everything.

"Oh yeah, Friday?" Poe quipped.

Rae was filling the kettle and having placed it on power turned to face Finn and Poe who were eagerly waiting for her to regale them with the intimate details of her failed date and subsequent saving by the boss.

"Nothing happened ok; Ben found me here cos my phone died, and I got lost, and we hung out a while and then he took me home?"

"What?"Finn questioned.

"Ben? What?" Poe followed.

"What?" Rae was confused and then looking at their faces realised her mistake. "Shit. Didn't Rose tell you? You didn't tell Poe?"

"Honey no clue what you're on about but Ben took you home huh?" What happened, details, details?" Poe said shuffling closer as though they were sharing big secrets.

"Drove, he drove me home," Rae corrected.

"What happened with Corey?" Finn asked.

"Nothing. Thank god," Rae said as behind her the kettle boiled and she made tea.

"But something happened with Ben after?" Finn asked again.

"Like I said, my phone died, and I got lost, but I got back here, and Ben found me and drove me home." She was hoping that her attempt to sound blasé was working, though she wasn't sure she could hold the act for long.

"Oh on his motorbike; love that thing all that leather and chrome," Poe said as he took one of the cups.

"Yeah, me too I totally can't pull that look off though so jealous," Finn said.

"I can," Poe stated, stroking his stubbly face. Poe was right with his chiselled looks, wavy grey streaked hair, devilish smirk and hooded eyes he was exactly the kind of man who looked great on a motorbike and they all knew it, Poe included. 

"Yeah you can," Finn said nudging Poe in the ribs.

"Jesus, you two," Rae said, turning around with her cup.

"I'm sorry back to you," Poe said, turning to her, his face eagerly anticipating more details.

"No, no, happy for it to not be about me; please anything else," she said sipping her drink while eyeing the pair over the rim of her cup as they both looked at her.

"Come on Rae you expect us to believe he 'rescues you,'" Finn actually inserted air quotes, "you guys hang out, he drives you home on his motorbike like fucking James Dean and nothing happened?" Finn said.

Panic must have registered on her face because Poe latched onto it.

"Did you hold onto him, feel him through his leather jacket?" he asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively as he searched her face.

"You did!" Finn gushed grabbing hold of her arm excitedly, clearly seeing the hint of the smile behind the edge of her cup.

Rae sighed, but she needed their help and so admitting everything would be easier than them hounding her.

"Yes, ok, yes. Please be quiet. I like him. I really like him, and I'm lost. I don't know what to do? I am so nervous all of a sudden."

"Well, that's cos you care," Poe stated suddenly not his usual teasing gossipy self but calm and collected.

"What?" she asked.

"You care about the outcome because it's real, so you care about how you pursue this."

She paused, looking at him, he was right.

"Ok, Yoda. What do I do? Phoebe suggested I ask him to be my official plus one at the wedding." She looked at Poe then to Finn.

"Good idea," Finn said.

"Yes but you gotta make your intentions clear before then, or he's gonna think it's just a friend thing," Poe offered.

"Right yeah, how?" she said thoughtfully sipping her tea again.

"Serious flirting. Nothing subtle," Poe gestured his cup towards her.

"We're out this Saturday; get him to dance with you? Some well-timed grinding should make it clear," Finn said.

Poe and Rae stared at him in disbelief. 

"Grinding?" Rae questioned contemptuously.

Finn looked at them innocently as though it made perfect sense and Poe friendly clipped him across the back of the head.

"No," Poe said, pointing at Finn disapprovingly as Finn held his head in mock pain. "No to grinding, but intimacy is a good idea. I concur with dancing: body contact. Try and spend time with him before the wedding. Alone!"

"Yeah ok, yeah thanks. I can do that," Rae said nodding.

"Here's your chance he's heading this way," Finn said, and he and Poe made a sharp exist nodding at Ben as he came to the kitchen area looking a little bemused. Rae took a sip of tea as though it were alcohol, giving her some courage.

"Hey," she said a little more jittery and quiet than she'd hoped for.

"Hey," he smiled lightly at her, "you ok?"

"I'm good thanks."

"Good."

_Shit, why was this so difficult._ _Come on Rae just say something_. Since their conversation at Maz's things had seemingly gone back to normal, except as far as Rae was concerned everything had changed and yet the air between them seemed to be the way it had always been, just minus the open hostility on her part. _Shit._

"I uh... I was wondering if you'd consider being my plus one for Paige's wedding," Rae practically blurted out without looking at him; she was so nervous. When she didn't get a response, she looked up. He was looking at her questioningly.

"You wouldn't have to do anything. Hold my bouquet when I go sing and when all the bridesmaids join the first dance you'll be saving me from you know, grabbing a stranger or dancing alone in a situation I imagine would be similar to that Fat Boy Slim video. Prancing around like a freak in the background." Rae was rambling she knew she was rambling, so she finished her drink.

He stepped forward then leaned toward her causing her to falter until she realised he was reaching for the kettle behind her. He re-filled it with water and put it back onto boil then asked, "Which Fat Boy Slim video were you thinking of? Praise you or weapon of choice?

"What?"

"Praise You or Weapon of Choice? I think both have merits, but one is a solo performance. Mind you if you or we did a rendition of 'Praise You' at the first dance I don't think it would go down well with Paige or Wesley," he said, as he turned to her giving her a wry smile. He was making a joke; she smiled back.

"So..... is that a yes?"

"Sure," he said as he made himself a tea and took her cup from her to make her one. "Were you planning on asking Corey?"

She internally chastised herself and externally scowled, "No, I was never planning on asking Corey, would have preferred to go solo; was never going to ask him."

He handed her, her fresh cup as he vacated the kitchen area with his heading back to the gallery, turning slightly to say with a smile, "Ok then."


	14. One of my Kind

How was it Friday already? Rae's Ben dilemma was as much a dilemma today as it had been at the beginning of the week. Yes, she'd managed to get him to agree to be her plus one to Paige and Wesley's wedding, but that was as far as she'd gotten. The 'don't be subtle plan' had not even started, and Rae was now contemplating on a somewhat regular basis grabbing Ben on his way upstairs or to the kitchen, hauling him into the stationery and supplies cupboard and just kissing him. At least he'd get the picture, and at least it wouldn't be subtle. With someone else, perhaps she could be that bold, but with Ben, her nerves always got the better of her. Pleasantries, therefore, were all that had passed between them since the 'be my plus one conversation'. Everything now hinged on Saturday. She was rapidly running out of time. This Saturday was the last night out before Paige's wedding. The next two weekends would be the mad rush of collecting bridesmaids dresses, making sure Paige's dress was perfect, shoes, cake, sorting out the venue, nails/hair everything. On top of that, everyone at New Order was snowed under with the work for the StarKiller account. Despite working late, Rae had still failed to get Ben alone long enough and her nerve up enough to carry out Hux's seemingly effortless instruction of 'tell him'.

Rae currently sat biting her lip it was 6 pm on Friday there wasn't any more work she could do till Monday after the morning meeting as the departments all needed to liaise. Poe and Finn were shutting everything down and packing up to head home. In the gallery above, Ben was leaning against the glass and Hux was pacing back and forth animatedly.

"Didn't get to have a word?"Finn asked.

"No, it's all pinned on Saturday," Rae answered with a sigh as she started to shut her computer down and pack her things away.

"No pressure then." Finn offered.

"Uh this week has nearly killed me, thank god it's the weekend," Poe moaned as he came over to the pair. "I may join you this weekend."

"Didn't think it was your kind of place," Rae responded as she shrugged on her coat.

"It's not really, but I can have fun anywhere, plus I wouldn't miss watching the show that is you making your move with the Boss, I can't decide if the show is going to be a romance or a horror," Poe responded as they started to head out of the office.

"Thanks for the support," Rae said, giving Poe a friendly shove with her shoulder.

"That's also why I'm thinking of coming; to support you," Poe said, putting an arm around her reassuringly.

"Thanks, man," Rae said, hugging him back.

Unbeknownst to Rae, Ben watched the three of them leave from the gallery. They hadn't got a chance to speak all week, but they were all meeting up at the club tomorrow. For the first time he felt genuinely nervous, not the normal anxiety he felt with new people and talking, but one in the pit of his stomach. He kept getting the impression she was trying to say something, and yet she hadn't. The looks, their interchanges, everything since last Friday was different, and he hoped it was in the way he thought, but he couldn't be sure. The way he felt about her he wasn't willing for this to be some fling, some short dalliance, could he trust that her feelings could change so quickly from Corey to him and be true?

"Mate, I'm done, can we call it a night?" Hux said behind him.

Ben turned to see Hux had face planted the desk in desperate exhaustion.

"Definitely," he answered.

.......................................................

"Urgh," Rae threw another top onto the pile of rejected outfits which was now almost her entire wardrobe.

"OK, I'm calling time I'm coming in," Rose charged into Rae's room where Rae stood in a state of undress.

"Me too," Phoebe followed suit and gazed around Rae's room in shock, "did a bomb go off?"

"I can't find anything to wear," Rae stood in her underwear in the middle of a pile of clothes.

"You don't say," Phoebe said gesturing to her general lack of clothing.

"You're overthinking it," Rose said.

"What was the first thing you put on?" Phoebe asked while rifling through the piles.

"My cut off jeans and my skeleton devil hand vest, why?"

Phoebe found both items in a pile and handed them to Rae.

"Because when you've tried on everything, it's always the first thing you tried on that you end up picking," Phoebe said.

Rae begrudgingly put the clothes back on and looked at herself again in the mirror and felt like she had when she'd first put it on. Rose could see the look on her face.

"What is it?"

"I love this outfit I do but don't you think I should make more of an effort for tonight, you know not my normal self."

Rose groaned and lay back on the bed, and Phoebe took a deep breath and in one stride blocked Rae's view of the mirror and grasped her by the shoulders firmly.

"He said he likes you exactly as you are so no more clothes changes, grab your hoodie and your coat get your shoes on and let's go or the club will be closing by the time we get there."

Rae sighed but reminded herself that she had promised she would listen to the advice of her friends.

"Right yeah you're right, let's go," she said as she grabbed her things.

.................................

Ben sat at their usual table at the top of the club with Hux, they'd been here a while, and he'd had at least four whiskeys already, and he had two more in front of him. There was a nervous tension around Hux, around everybody since last weekend and it was making him exceedingly edgy. Ben's difficulty in talking was stretching to anyone who gave him a tense, expectant smile and had reached as far as his best friend who he had never struggled to speak to before about anything. They currently sat in silence drinking and now and then Hux looked as though he were about to say something and then would stop and it was beginning to dawn on Ben that Hux was turning into a goldfish- golden orange mouth opening and closing for air. Ben tensed his hand on the table as Hux again opened his mouth.

"Will you just spit out whatever it is you want to say, you're beginning to look like a fucking goldfish." He drank his fifth whiskey. "In more ways than one," he said, drawing a circle around Hux's face with his empty glass.

Hux smirked and lowered his face he looked back up and again went to speak, but then his look went above Ben's face, and his expression changed, breaking into a real smile. Ben turned around; they were here- finally! Rose, Finn, Phoebe, Paige, Wesley, Poe and Rae were all walking up the stairs and heading in their direction.

Hux headed for Phoebe and Ben headed to the bar to get a round of drinks in. He stood waiting for the drinks when Rae stood beside him.

"Need a hand with all that?" she asked as she eyed the array in front of him.

"Please," he said, turning to smile at her.

Back at the table, Poe was looking a little bemused.

"It's um.. very dark isn't it and kind of....," he trailed off as he looked about.

"Filthy," Finn finished his sentence for him.

"I wasn't going to be quite that blunt about the place you guys love but yeah it's kind of rank."

"You ain't seen nothing yet," Rae said as she downed her first drink and started on her second, glad given how late it was that they'd been drinking seriously at home while getting ready. "Let's go dance." She walked towards Poe, taking him by the arm, "Who else is coming?" she eyed everyone at the table and lingered on Ben's face.

A chorus of "Yes" followed her request as everyone hurriedly drank their drinks. She looked at Ben expectantly eyebrows raised questioningly.

"I'll join you in a bit," he answered.

Her expression changed, head cocked to one side she didn't believe him.

"I promise."

She pointed to him.

"I'm gonna hold you to that Mr Sullivan," her smile was flirtatious, and he nodded as he gave her a lopsided smirk. Ben watched them all head to the dance floor from his table. Initially, the dancing that began was a thrashing of hair and bouncing about boisterously to System of a Down Toxicity, Linkin Park Crawling, Limp Bizkit Ready to Go, Rammstein Du Hast, Korn Here to Stay and System of a Down Chop Suey and other similar tunes. Poe initially had looked genuinely terrified, but soon he was throwing himself into it energetically with everyone else bouncing about enthusiastically. After a while, the tone of the music changed and became less boisterous, and the scene of dancing became more couple-like, and everyone paired off. Black Light Burns Coward, Deftones My Own Summer, and Rob Zombie Living Dead Girl. Although Rae and Poe were initially dancing together, occasionally she looked up to the gallery and pointed to him looking dejected and beaconing him to join them. He glanced at his watch; it was getting late, really late. _Come on, Ben, time to let go and seize the moment_. He drank the last of his whiskey he couldn't remember if it was his sixth or seventh or eighth, but it didn't matter. He strode down the stairs for the dance floor, heading straight for Mike the DJ first.

"Ben, my man," Mike greeted him with a handshake and pat on the back. "Don't often get you down here, what can I do you for?"

"Can you play Welshly Arms Need You Tonight for the last song of the night?"

"Course man, no problem."

"Thanks," Ben said, embracing Mike's arm before heading to the dance floor where the others were dancing. Everyone was doing what Ben considered grinding really, a synchronised swaying of hips back and forth in a seductive manner. The couples were intersecting the moves with kisses and caressing with hands. Ben stood awkwardly on the edge of the circle watching Rae and Poe's movements. Poe was a good dancer, and even though this was not his type of music, he seemed to be enjoying himself. Unlike with Corey, Ben felt no jealously watching the two. Their moves were provocative towards each other, but they were just friends dancing, enjoying their matched ability and nothing about their hands on each others body was for anything other than balancing. The track changed Marylin Manson Tainted Love, and Rae turned around to change the way she was dancing with Poe and saw him. She smiled at him and walked towards him; her gaze was confident and kind of predatory. Ben inhaled deeply and swallowed, hoping it wasn't too visible.

"Wow, you came down from on high," she said her body moving slightly in front of him in time to the music and as much as he tried to keep his eyes on her face, he watched her hips sway and her stomach roll in time to the track, one arm reaching upwards the other out to him. He felt like he was being hypnotised.

"I promised, and I never break a promise," he said after a pause bringing his eyes back to her face. She smirked she'd noticed his wandering eyes.

"So you gonna stand there or are you gonna dance?" she asked, her rhythmic gyrations pausing as she held her hand out towards him and she moved forward suggestively.

"Not dancing, more grinding," he said turning and looking at Hux and Phoebe's who's moves were a literal representation of what he often heard from Hux's bedroom just with clothes on. He gave a little shudder and turned back to look at Rae.

"It's a sexy song, so sexy dancing is kind of the thing," she said coming a little closer.

He looked down at her and smiled.

"Sexy dancing? This is just erotic pelvis rotations-dirty dancing if you will," he said without looking away from her.

"Suit yourself," she said, turning from him and heading back to Poe to continue the dancing. NIN Closer came on and Ben watched their interactions until the song started to crescendo coming to an end and as it did Ben could hear the song he'd requested overlapping. The dance floor became much quieter as the song began and he took a deep breath, stepped forward and outstretched a hand. It was time.

-X-

Rae heard the new song start and didn't recognise it a single piano and synths and stopped dancing and looked to Poe and shrugged but he jerked his head up at her, raising his eyebrows. She looked at him confused, and Poe did it again gesturing to her to turn around. Rae turned to see Ben with his hand outstretched towards her. She gave him a curious look but walked back towards him.

"Really? Isn't this a little old fashioned?" she asked, motioning to his hand.

"I saw what you did to the last guy who touched you without your permission; I have no intention of doing anything to you, you don't want me to."

"Touché Pussycat," she said as she gave him her hand.

_All you got is this moment_   
_The twenty-first century's yesterday_

The lyrics had started as Ben pulled her gently towards him and entwined their hands, and he smiled down at her.

_You can care all you want_   
_Everybody does yeah that's OK_

_So slide over here _   
_And give me a moment_

His hand moved down her back slowly suggestively resting in the curve of her back pulling her a little closer so that the front of their bodies touched.

_Your moves are so raw_   
_I've got to let you know_   
_I've got to let you know_   
_You're one of my kind_

On the phrase at the end of the chorus, he leaned down and into her body and she felt his head near her neck and then without really touching her his face brushed up her shoulder, neck and face and she could feel and hear his breath. She inhaled despite herself as his head came back into view and their eyes locked.

The second verse started, and with his hand, in the hollow of her back, he moved her very subtly against him and backwards leading her side to side but never taking his gaze from hers.

_I need you tonight_   
_'Cause I'm not sleeping_   
_There's something about you girl_   
_That makes me sweat_

Ben spun her around, so her back was to him then pulled her to him hard she felt his firm body against her back now as he dipped his head to her neck and traced his hands down the sides of her body to her hips and back again. This was way better than grinding, and she leaned into him, letting him take the lead, letting him do as he wished.

_How do you feel_   
_I'm lonely_   
_What do you think_   
_Can't take it all_   
_What ya gonna do_   
_Gonna live my life_

He entwined one hand and spun her around again to face him, pulling her back into him hard.

_So slide over here_   
_And give me a moment_

He moved her legs apart with one of his legs keeping his knee there he moved against her; every inch of their lower body now in contact with the other. His hand on the small of her back again, they moved as one, staring into each other's eyes.

_Your moves are so raw_   
_I've got to let you know_   
_I've got to let you know_

Ben's hand moved up her back to behind her neck.

_You're one of my kind_

Ben used his hand on the nape of her neck and body weight to lean her far back. His face lowered to her chest, and she could feel his breath warm against her shirt until he drew them back up.

The song erupted heavily, and he brought Rae's hands up around his neck and relinquished a little of the power he'd had over her as they moved together, turning around on the spot gyrating. Rae could still hear the song, but the world around her, other than Ben's touch and Ben's eyes had disappeared. All that existed was him.

_I need you tonight_   
_'Cause I'm not sleeping_   
_There's something about you girl_   
_That makes me sweat_

_How do you feel_   
_I'm lonely_   
_What do you think_   
_Can't think at all_   
_Whatcha gonna do_   
_Gonna live my life_

_You're one of my kind_

Suddenly Ben picked her up as though she weighed nothing at all and held her against him with one arm as he spun slowly, still not taking that penetrating gaze from her.

_I need you tonight_

_I need you tonight_

_I need you tonight_

_You're one of my kind._

He lowered her slowly, allowing her to glide slowly down his body as the song faded to just the piano. She was staring up at him, surprised, her hands on his chest. She was in awe and overwhelmed and exceptionally aroused. She was breathing heavily, but it appeared he was still utterly calm.

The lights came on, and Ben broke their locked gaze and let go his hold of her body and took a step back, and the lack of contact made her falter.

_What the? What the fuck??????_   
She looked around, and their friends were staring at them. Finn began slow clapping and didn't stop when it became apparent that no one else was going to join him He stopped when Poe smacked him across the chest with the back of his hand. Rae suddenly felt really, really embarrassed and hung her head and stepped towards where Phoebe and Hux were standing. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she could disappear as Rose, Finn, Paige, Wesley and Poe all crowded around Ben animatedly.

"Where did that come from?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, Ben's got some moves. Asked him to teach me some once, very nearly turned me gay," Hux responded.

"Uh," Rae groaned and grabbed Phoebe's arm and dragged her towards the ladies and the cloakroom.

"You saw that, right?" Rae queried exasperated.

"Oh, everyone saw that," Phoebe responded.

"Did I read too much into it cos I was getting definite signals and then...nothing. I mean, what the fuck!" Rae was getting agitated

"No, that was something honestly. Definitely not just you; let's ....."

"Evening Ladies."

Phoebe was cut off by a familiar and unwelcome voice. They both turned to see Corey.

"I'll see you by the others," Rae said, grabbing her coat and barging past Corey despite throwing her full weight into the shoulder Corey didn't even flinch. 

"Rae," he greeted as he watched her storm away then turned to Phoebe. "I've seen you around Phoebe, and you are stunning; Hux has excellent taste."

"You've got some nerve," Phoebe stated handing over her cloakroom token.

"Yeah I do, I really do." Corey had come up to her and was stroking her arm. "I know Hux's women aren't ever fully satisfied; maybe I could fix that for you. I've done it before."

Phoebe looked down at Corey's arm stroking hers and calming removed it.

"Corey you're clearly mistaking me for someone moronic and utterly devoid of conscience and of giving a flying fuck what asinine untruths fall out of your mouth." She condescendingly patted him on the arm. "Do you know what those big words are? Cos I could explain it to you, but I don't have my big boy crayons on me: now kindly remove yourself from my presence."

She tried to step around him, but Corey was far more persistent than she had bargained on him being.

-X-

Back on the dance floor, everyone was milling about waiting for everyone to be ready to go. Ben took a breath and pursed his lips as Rae came storming over to the group, clearly annoyed. _Had he fucked up? _She seemed abnormally pissed. With the lights on and everyone starring, he couldn't just kiss her. When he did kiss her, he wanted it to be just them, no audience. Ben was pulled out of this line of thought when Hux started charging in the direction of the cloakroom, and as Ben turned to look, he suddenly understood. Rae's anger wasn't about him; it was about Corey and right now Corey was making a move on Phoebe. _Shit_. Ben charged after Hux and Rae realising their destination turned suit and followed them.

"Hux man chill he's not worth it," Ben said, stepping in front of his friend and attempting to block his advances with an arm.

Hux was furious, Ben couldn't remember the last time he'd looked this mad, and he was struggling a little to hold his friend back.

-X-

"Oh come on, I've never had a girl with legs as long as yours before. Open them up for me cos I'd love to have my tongue between them," Corey said as he went for Phoebe's thigh.

Phoebe grabbed his hand before he could get any closer.

"Uh, No!" she said unhidden disgust all over her face. "Are you always this dense or is today a special occasion. Not interested. No. Now kindly fuck off!"

Corey came a little closer to her, using the hand she hadn't grabbed to reach out for her shoulder.

-X-

"Phoebe's got this honestly! Literally and physically: it's the lawyer and kickboxer in her," Rae said as she walked up to where Ben was holding back Hux, placing a hand on Hux's arm. Ben peered around to watch Phoebe give Corey a sadistic smile then slap him hard across the face.

"Just because you have one Corey doesn't mean you should act like one. That was for Rae."

Then she jabbed him in the ribs.

"That's for Hux."

Then she kneed him in the groin.

"And that's for me. No means no arsehole! Next time I'll use my connections to make sure your unwelcome sexual advances get you into serious trouble. Don't fuck with me- I'm a lawyer!"

"Holy shit!" Ben let go of Hux who stood there as flabbergasted as he was. Phoebe left Corey bent double, high fived Rae and then nearly knocked Hux over as she embraced him in a full kiss; when she did finally release him he exclaimed.

"That was amazing. I love you."

"I know." She kissed him again, "Feeling is 100% mutual."

Hux raised a hand to get everyone's attention.  
"Party back at ours."

Everyone gave a whoop and filed out shouting a series of "See you Corey", "Bye arsehole" at the barman who was still keeled over.


	15. One Hell of a Hangover

Rae opened one eye with a groan and placed a hand on her throbbing head.

"Uh," she groaned more loudly as she rolled onto her back and attempted opening her eyes a bit more and in doing so realised she wasn't at home, and this wasn't her bed. She didn't recognise this room or this bed; the walls, floors and ceilings were wood-clad and she was lying in a large bed with dark sheets. The walls had a few black and white photographs of trees. In the corner was a chair and opposite the bed was a sofa with a sheet folded neatly on it. She looked to the side where a bedside table was her phone was charging, and next to it she saw a kindle and a selection of worn books, books Ben had said he liked.

"Fuck. Fuck."

She dragged herself out of bed in a panic then looked down. She was in a t-shirt, and a pair of boxers and neither of them belonged to her.

"Fuck!"

Her clothes from last night were neatly piled on the chair next to the side table. There was a slightly ajar door to one side of the wood-clad box and Rae could see a bathroom of sorts through it. Rae went into it and washed her face in the large concrete sink hoping the cold water would clear her foggy mind. What happened last night? She stared at herself in the large mirror above the sink trying to recall. Rae remembered being at the club, dancing with Poe and that amazing dance with Ben when the world had literally disappeared. She rewashed her face hoping to remove the churning feeling in her stomach as she recalled the intimacy and arousal of that moment. Then she recalled Phoebe epically humiliating Corey and smiled- that was brilliant!

She couldn't hear anything, but she had a pretty good idea where she was; she was in Ben's pod, the wooden sleeping quarters above the main living space of Ben and Hux's apartment. They'd all come back here after the club celebrating Phoebe's victory. There had been drinking, lots of it apparently because she remembered being in the apartment and drinking excessively to try and feel better about what had, correction hadn't happened with Ben after their dance. Somehow though she'd woken up in his bed.

"Fuck!" she swore again.

She left the bathroom and walked through the bedroom, heading for the door. She opened it pensively and peered out. The wooden box opposite, which was Hux's room was silent, and she couldn't hear anything from below. She tiptoed out and down the staircase, and as she turned, she saw Ben standing in the kitchen area, eating a bowl of cereal. She bit her lips and stood at the bottom of the stairs pulling the t-shirt she was wearing down as low as possible and wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to cover as much of herself as she could. He looked up and smiled while chewing on his food.

"Morning," he glanced at his watch, "make that afternoon."

Rae groaned, and he smiled again as she walked over to the kitchen island and perched on a stool.

"Tea? Food?" he asked.

"Please."

"How are you feeling?"

"Unsure currently. Not sure if it's gonna be a eat all day kind of hangover or a don't eat at all hangover." She placed her head in her hands.

"Toast then?"

She looked up at him between her hands, "Got any marmite?"

"Course."

"Thanks," she paused and watched him as he made her tea and toast. Whatever might've happened, he seemed casual enough.

"Ben, what happened last night? I assume these are your clothes I'm wearing although they seem a bit small for you. I mean did we, did ...."

Ben turned and placed the tea in front of her.

"Did we have sex? Yeah, couple of times. It was incredible, the things we did, I didn't know you were so flexible and the stamina! Don't you remember?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder and peering into her face looking a little forlorn and clearing registering her shock and embarrassment. After a few awkward moments, his face broke into a smile. "Relax I'm just fucking with you. Nothing happened."

Rae hit him in on the arm, "You dick."

"Ow," he leaned against the worktop resuming his cereal. "Call me old fashioned, but I think it's important with sex that both parties are present and correct in both body and mind and last night you were neither," he smiled at her raising his eyebrows jokingly.

"How did I get into these clothes?" The toast popped, and Ben set to sorting it for her.

"Well, you got very drunk and then tired and then very bossy. I mean you're always pretty bossy but drunk you is a level of demanding I was not prepared for. You went up to my room demanding sleep and clothes, which I provided and when you started to take your clothes off, I vacated. So that was all you. I did come in and check on you, make sure you hadn't vomited. You're cute when you're sleeping." Rae's face at that comment made him add, "I slept on the couch, wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Oh god, I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm not," he said casually leaning against the island as he sipped his tea. Rae smiled at him and ate her toast. "Better?"

"Yeah much. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Shower?"

Rae looked up at him and smiled uncomfortably. "Is that ok?"

"Course. I'll get you a towel."

"Thanks."

Rae followed him back up to his room as he acquired her a towel and she gathered up her clothes to put back on.

"Do you mind if I wear your t-shirt home? I'll wash it and get it back to you Monday."

He looked at his t-shirt on her and smirked.

"Keep it. Looks better on you anyway, I can't wear it anymore, and I couldn't bear to part with it, it was such a good line up that year."

Rae looked down at the t-shirt properly then.

"Sonisphere cool. I went to this one; it was the last one before it ended, such a shame it was a great festival."

"Yeah it was and such an epic line up that year."

Rae nodded and then for a while they stood their silently looking at each other before he realised she was supposed to be showering.

"Right shower, sorry. I'll see you back downstairs."

"Thanks."

..............................

Freshly showered and dressed back in her jeans and Ben's t-shirt Rae headed back downstairs with her belongings. Ben stood in his biker jacket in the living area and turned at the sound of her footsteps.

"Ready?"

"Yeah. Thanks again and sorry again. You going for a drive?"

Ben cocked his head at her, "Rae I can't in good conscience let you take the tube home. I'm going to drive you."

"Oh really I'm fine you don't...," Ben's raised hand stopped her objecting, "Ok. Thanks."

Ben lead her out to where his bike was parked, put his helmet on and handed her the spare. She put it on, and he checked it was secure before mounting the bike and starting up the engine and Rae mounted behind him holding onto him tightly as they pulled away.

...........................

Outside her flat, Rae leapt off the bike and waited for Ben to turn off the engine and park, but he continued to sit straddling it with his feet on the floor. She removed her helmet and held it as she asked.

"Do you wanna come in? Have some food?" It was going to be one of those hangovers where she didn't stop eating because she was famished.

Ben lifted his visor, "What you got?"

She considered for a moment, "Nothing. I'm gonna order pizza and watch a film."

"I could pizza." Now he turned off the bike and dismounted and removed his helmet.

They headed in, and Rae led him to the living room, and they ordered pizza off her phone.

"So film? I'm feeling 80's/90's nostalgia is necessary. What you fancy?"

"What are the choices?"

"Um, Silence of the Lambs, Fugitive, Indiana Jones, Four Weddings and a Funeral."

"Never seen Fugitive."

"What? It's a great movie. Some great ad-libbing was done in that movie, not Harrison's best ad-libbing mind."

"His best ad-libbing? When has he ad-libbed?" Ben asked, looking at her as she rifled through the DVD's trying to find the Fugitive.

"You know in Star Wars that line when Leia says 'I love you' and he says 'I know' ad-libbed."

"Wow. Classic line."

"Yeah, it's not in the novelisation which annoyed me greatly. Then in Indiana Jones and he just shoots that guy doing all that spinning with the sword- ad-libbed," Rae rambled on as she inserted the DVD into the player.

"I know the bit you are referring to. Funny guy."

"Do you want tea?" Rae asked as she headed into the kitchen.

"Please."

"Apparently a lot of the script of the Fugitive was improvised, but it's Tommy Lee Jones ad-libbing that is just brilliant," she spoke through their pass-through as she made tea. "Best ad-libber has to be Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs though, most of that initial speech to Jodie Foster was ad-libbed."

"Seriously? Well, that makes him suddenly epically scary," Ben shuddered.

"I know. Did you know he's written all this classical music, I listen to it quite regularly, it's hauntingly beautiful, I'll play you some."

Rae returned to the sofa and passed him his tea and plonked herself next to him she got her phone out and looked for The Waltz Goes On. She started playing, and they sat silently listening as they drank their tea.

"It's good. I like it, kind of dark. Don't normally like a waltz prefer the impressionist era and contemporary but not that stuff that sounds like jarring noise."

"Oh god yeah, I hate that stuff. I had to study Bartok's concerto for orchestra at A-level. Was bloody awful having to listen to it repeatedly and analysing it in detail for two years so I could write one essay."

Ben smiled at her, and for a moment, Rae thought he might be about to kiss her, but of course, the doorbell rang, and the moment was broken.

"Pizza!" she exclaimed as she leapt up and went to the door. With pizza there, she turned on the movie.

"Warning," she said through mouthfuls of pizza, "apparently I have a bad habit of quoting a film I love as it plays."

"Duly noted," he answered, giving her a grin.

As the film played and Rae couldn't eat any more pizza she placed it on the table in front of her, Ben did the same and he leaned back into the sofa raising one arm on the back cushion. Rae was trying to get comfy without touching him too much, but due to his weight on the sofa, it was difficult, and she was awkwardly leaning away from him.

"You can come into the nook if you want," he said without looking at her.

She looked at him, and he turned to her slightly, and he raised his arm on the back of the sofa in a kind of gesture. So she changed her position to lean against him with her back and stretch her legs out. Eventually, she snuggled into him, and gradually his arm rested on her in a sort of embrace. Rae felt exhausted, but everywhere her body touched Ben's she tingled in possible anticipation, so any possibility of falling asleep was thankfully impossible.

The movie ended, and Ben didn't move, and Rae felt pinned but in a good way, so she decided to enjoy their proximity and leaned into him some more.

"It was good. I liked it. It's aged well too. So many piss-takes I've seen make sense now- 'a one-armed man killed my wife'."

"Yeah," Rae chuckled against him.

She felt Ben's head turn because his next question ruffled her hair.

"Which bit was ad-libbed by Tommy-Lee Jones?"

"The bit in the tunnel before Harrison dives off into the water- 'I don't care'."

"Hmmm." 

Ben was gently stroking her arm with his thumb and had been for some time. It was getting late but early enough in the evening to allow another movie and Rae didn't want him to leave.

"You wanna watch something else?" she asked, leaning her head back onto him to sort of peer up but she couldn't see him.

"I should go. I'm very tired cos this girl kind of stole my bed last night. If I stay much longer I'm in danger of crashing my bike."

Rae turned on her spot on the sofa and looked at him. Ben's arm still lay across her but now across her back and caused her to lean into him. She bit her lip and looked down at her hand, which was playing with the hem of his t-shirt.

"You could... you could stay..... if you wanted?" When she got no response, she looked up.

He was giving her that look, one she was getting kind of accustomed to, one that looked right into the core of her and took her breath away and made her nervous. He took her hand and turned it palm up and brought it up to his mouth and kissed it. First at the edge of her palm where her thumb caused a small valley where it joined the rest of her hand. He then kissed her wrist again, higher up, above her tattoo, holding her hand to his lips as he breathed her in with his eyes closed. Rae writhed inwardly and drew in a nervous ragged breath. She could feel her blood racing in her wrist against his face. _How was it possible the slightest touch and gesture from him made her weak and almost come undone?_ He opened his eyes and stood pulling her up with him, then led her into the hallway. It was at this moment Rae suddenly regretted asking him to stay as she recalled the bombsite she'd left her room in last night attempting to find something to wear. Then she remembered Ben didn't know which room was hers. He walked past all the doors and stopped by the front one. He was leaving; she tried not to look too glum. She wasn't sure she pulled it off or not. She wasn't looking her best- no makeup, shit hair and in a t-shirt that wasn't hers that she'd slept in.

He was looking at the hand he was still holding, his hair falling across his face.

"Can I hope from your behaviour this last week that your feeling's towards me have changed?"

_Shit._ Rae closed her eyes shame washing over her.

"Please don't."

He looked up at her then, and she realised she'd made an error because he looked hurt. She squeezed his hand and blurted out hurriedly.

"My feelings are so different, and I am ashamed of how I behaved then."

He let out a sigh of relief.

"You must know, surely you must know that my feelings for you have not altered," he said, giving her that look again.

"You... you said you like me, and I....I'm not entirely sure what you meant."

He cocked his head and gave her that half-smile with this quizzical look questioning whether she meant what she'd said.

"Rae, I have no desire to be just friends...unless of course, that is what you want?" he said with his eyebrows raised.

"No," she stepped forward, placing her free hand on his chest. "No, that is not what I want."

"Good," he said with a smile as he leaned down and rested his forehead on hers. This was the moment she was finally going to know what kissing those beautiful full lips felt like.

"Good," he said again, but then he pulled back slightly, leaned down and kissed her on the cheek as he had at the party, lingering for a moment against her cheek. He then let go of her hand and left, turning briefly to smile at her as he shut the door.

_Oh, come on!_


	16. We're Official

Ben was on the phone in the gallery of work taking notes from a client when Hux entered; Ben raised his eyebrows at him in greeting before continuing. It was a tedious conversation, they had given the client everything they'd asked for, but now the client had changed their mind. Currently, he was setting them straight that the contract had been fulfilled and that them changing their minds meant paying again. The phone call finally ended, and Ben gritted his teeth shaking his head in annoyance.

"Everything ok?" Hux asked, leaning on his desk.

"Fine.... fucking Bullseye account changing their mind about everything they want and thinking they don't have to pay for what we've done."

"So good start to the week then," Hux said, running a hand through his hair.

"Once this contract is complete, and we've been paid we are not working with them again, they've been a nightmare since day one."

"Whatever you say, man," Hux replied. "So.... what happened at the weekend? Didn't see you after to catch up."

Ben smirked at him, and opposite Hux broke into a full smile, raising his eyebrows surprised.

"Yeah? You did it? You're together?"

Ben rolled his head and leaned back in his chair, looking temporarily at the ceiling.

"Nothing happened, but we did clear matters up, and I'd say we are... official."

"How can you be official if nothing happened? I know she was too wasted Saturday for anything to happen, you're not an irredeemable arsehole, but something must've happened yesterday at hers?"

"We watched a movie, and I told her how I feel and that I don't want to be friends. She said she doesn't want to be either."

Hux stopped leaning on his desk and came over to Ben's looking down at him.

"Well that's something I guess, but that was it? Nothing else?"

Ben cocked his head at him with a half grimace.

Hux tried again, "You just watched a film and chatted, that was it?"

"Yeah."

"Ben mate you've wanted this for months, liked her for months and you didn't even kiss her?"

"She asked me to stay. I said no."

Now Hux had his hands in his hair again taking clumps in his fists, "What? Why?"

"She was on a date with someone else a week ago; I don't want this to be some dalliance or a flight of fancy. It could get seriously awkward if we impulsively do something and she changes her mind just as quickly. She works here, for us; so I want to be sure that she wants this just as much as I do."

Hux removed his hands from his hair and nodded, "Well, when you put it like that, yeah, fair enough."

"Did you and Phoebe discuss the L word any further Sunday?"

Hux turned red and smiled and stroked his beard.

"Yeah. We talked about taking it to the next level: living together."

"Wow!" Ben stood up and embraced his friend, "That's great, man."

"We'll need to talk through the logistics both you and I," Hux said, pointing between them, "and Phoebe and I."

"Course. That's great though I'm happy for you." Ben said, maintaining an arm on Hux's shoulder.

"Thanks," Hux said before giving Ben another hug and patting him on the back.

"Right work. What do we need to do?"

.........................................

Rae was sat at her desk doing finishing touches to the StarKiller work when Poe came over.

"Bad news mate, Bullseye has been in contact and changed their mind about absolutely fucking everything. Got a list from the boss about what you need to do," Poe said, handing her a piece of paper that had a ridiculously long list of things on it.

"For real? Fuck's sake," she took the paper, annoyed.

Finn came over and leaned against her desk waving the paper he'd similarly been given.

"This is horse-shit."

"I'm just the messenger," Poe held his hands up apologetically.

"I need a break and caffeine before I start this," Rae said getting out of her chair and grabbing her cup, Finn and Poe following behind grumbling about the colossal list of changes and edits and work that now needed to be done. She filled the kettle enough for all three of them and turned to look at them as their animatedly annoyed conversation continued smiling to herself.

"Uh, I hope Ben and Hux told them they'd have to pay for all these changes and our wasted time," Finn growled.

"Of course they did, they aren't idiots!" Poe replied.

Rae lightly giggled and the boys both turned to her.

"How come you're so cheery?" Poe asked, crossing his arms and eyeing her curiously but before she could respond Finn butted in.

"Oh, Saturday of course, you and Ben did you seal the deal? Did you, you know bonk the boss? Did he put his junk in your trunk?"

Rae screwed up her face in disgust and Poe hit Finn across the chest with the back of his arm.

"Dude, junk in your trunk? Don't be so leud!"

Behind her, the kettle boiled and Rae turned around to make tea but responded to Finn's crudely phrased suggestion.

"No, I did not bonk the boss, I was apparently very drunk, and he was a perfect gentleman," she turned around and handed the lads their drinks. "He slept on the couch."

"So you woke up at Ben's?" Poe asked, taking a sip.

"Yeah."

"And nothing happened Sunday?" Finn finished Poe's unasked query.

"He drove me home, we ate pizza, and we watched a movie, and then he left."

"Netflix and Chill?" Finn said, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"No just watched an old DVD."

"Which one?" Poe asked, genuinely interested.

"Fugitive."

They both nodded.

"And that was it?" Finn asked, screwing up his eyebrows while shaking his head slightly. Rae shook her head at him and lightly shrugged. "You expect me to believe after that dance that nothing happened? Did he at least kiss you when he left? Are you together cos you can't be this cheerful if nothing happened."

"No he didn't; he doesn't want to be friends though, and I told him I didn't either." She smiled at them excitedly.

"Well, no shit; the way he danced with you. Friends do not dance like that," Poe said, taking another sip.

"What's up with that? Why's he avoiding being physical?" Finn asked.

"No idea," Rae said with another shrug.

"I've known him a while," Poe answered, "worked here since they founded the company and he's a complicated guy and not a guy of half measures; I imagine he's making sure where he stands before he commits."

"I told him where I stand: I even asked him to stay."

"Re-a-l-ly?" Finn said raising his eyebrows and this time Rae hit him with the back of her hand.

"Rae, think about it from his point of view, a week ago you were on a date with Corey now you've switched to him. He's liked you a for a while, a long while. You're going to the wedding with him. It's not like he's leaving the country or anything. Doesn't hurt to wait to...to 'bonk the boss'."

Rae jokingly slapped Poe with the back of her arm across his shoulder but then grudgingly admitted, "No, no you're right. Bloody hard, though. I'd settle for kissing; I want to kiss him so badly."

"It's just a hop skip and a jump from kissing to sex and let's face it at our age that tends to happen pretty damn quick! Enjoy the build-up."

Rae nodded Poe wasn't wrong.

"Right team, work seriously, work so much to do."

Finn and Rae groaned and dragged their feet as they headed back to the respective desks to start on the task of redoing everything they'd already done for Bullseye. Despite the gargantuan amount of work Rae couldn't shake her abnormally cheerful disposition; headphones in and a playlist of vintage tracks ensued- Fleetwood Mac, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. She allowed herself a glance to the gallery where she could see Ben hands in his hair, shoulders broad, and she smiled; till the real thing happened fantasy could be a fun distraction.

......................................................................

Rey was stood in the kitchen cooking dinner when Phoebe came in.

"Hey, how was work?" Rae hollered out of the kitchen, putting on the kettle.

"Oh, you know another day living the tantalising life of law," Phoebe answered as she entered the kitchen. Rae handed her a tea, "Uh, thanks. Is Rose home?"

"Not yet, a site went live Friday, and I think her usual 'shit hitting the fan Monday' may have happened."

"I can never understand why sites go live on a Friday evening. No one is in work at the weekend to fix it."

"Beats me. Everything about Rose's job beats me; I do not understand coding."

When Rose finally did get home, they all converged in the living room in their comfies drinking tea.

"So the big L word got said," Rose stated around mouthfuls of food clearly famished.

Phoebe smiled behind her cup. Rose and Rae gave each other the eye then looked back at Phoebe.

"So...you love him?" Rose queried before taking another mouthful of food.

Phoebe lowered her cup contemplative.

"Yeah I do, I really do. Hux is it, I know it, he is the one."

"Wow," Rae responded.

"I know what you're thinking, it's not been enough time but I've been doing the dating thing for years, and he is unlike any man I've ever met and when you know you know, you know. We're gonna look at moving in together."

The girls rushed her at that moment.

"Oh my god, that's great." Rose pronounced.

"So you gonna move in with him and Ben or find a place to rent on your own?" Rae asked, having released her friend to get more pertinent details.

"Well this is where it gets a little complicated cos he and Ben own their apartment and Hux feels it's more Ben's than his, cos Ben did a lot of stuff inside himself, 'labour of love' is what he called it. So we are thinking we'd buy somewhere a bit further out something a bit more family orientated."

At this, Rae and Rose gave each other a look again.

"Buy?"

"Family?"

Phoebe looked from one face to the other.

"Yeah. We don't want to waste money on renting. I've got enough money, and so has Hux we've got enough to buy something and if we're going to buy it makes sense that it fills our future requirements not just our immediate ones." Phoebe looked at their surprised faces, "What?"

"Nothing," Rae said, shaking her head, "just so serious all of a sudden I thought you two were all fun-loving."

"We are fun-loving, but we've also talked seriously about the future, a lot and we know what we want."

"Well, congratulations," Rose said, clinking her cup onto Phoebe's and Rae's, "guess we need to consider the future too; new housemate or a new flat?"

"Yeah," Rae suddenly felt a little deflated.

"Hey, these things take time, so I'm just giving you an early heads-up."

For a moment, the girls sat quietly. Everything was changing, not in a bad way but they'd lived together happily for years, and now Phoebe's life was moving forward just like Paige's was. Rose broke the silence.

"Can I be Aunty Rose to your colossal ginger children?" 

They all burst out laughing.


	17. Handsy

"Rae, Rae tea come on we gotta go." 

Rae opened a blurry eye. Phoebe stood in front of her looking pristine and clean in jeans and a white t-shirt; she was holding a steaming cup of tea in her hand.

"Rose is making breakfast; come on, get in the shower busy, busy day."

"Uh." 

Rae threw off the covers. If it were a workday, she'd have five more minutes, but this was the designated 'get all shit done' Saturday before the wedding next week. 

"I'm up I'm up." She took the cup from Phoebe and headed for the bathroom to shower. In the shower, she thought about the long week she'd had and the long day ahead but once it was all done her and Phoebe would be heading to the boy's and she'd get to spend time with Ben. She still felt frustrated at the lack of physical interaction, but his every look, touch of his hand or brush of his lips against her cheek gave her shivers. Poe was right; the build-up was becoming tantalising; her fantasies of what it might be like to finally kiss him were a nightly dream and daily daydream; when she had time to think of such things.

Eggs were waiting for Rae as promised in the kitchen once she was ready and dressed, she inhaled them hungrily as they went through the list of things they needed to do today. Phoebe had her phone out making a note of all the times and places- this was precisely why she was the breadwinner of their little group; the lawyer with her incredibly organised mind.

"So pick up the bridesmaid dresses, meet Paige for her fitting and take the dress, collect the shoes, collect the bouquets, buttonholes and flower arrangements from Anya. Is that everything?"

"Rae, you're still ok to do everyone's nails and makeup, right?"

Rae nodded, a cheapskate by nature Rae had learnt to do gel nails years ago and to save Paige some money she had volunteered to do everyone's nails. Rae didn't own a considerable amount of makeup, but she was good at applying it, and none of the girls wanted to look not like themselves. Rae would bring her supplies and give everyone that retro eye look that would match the theme; everything else was up to the individual bridesmaids.

Despite most of the day being spent travelling the expanse of London, due to collecting masses of stuff, public transport had been ruled out, and Phoebe had asked Hux if she could borrow his car however for some reason Hux had volunteered to drive them, all day as their personal chauffeur. When informed, it would be incredibly tedious, and a lot of sitting in traffic and dealing with a stressed-out bride and her bridesmaids Hux had said 'a day with Phoebe regardless was his ideal day'. The following responses of fake vomiting or genuine gushing and jealousy had seemed entirely acceptable.

The doorbell rang- he was here. The girls grabbed everything and off they went.

..............................................

The day had been longer and more complicated than anyone had anticipated and Rae now sat in the back of Hux's car half asleep but as they got closer to Ben's the butterfly feeling in her stomach helped raise her from her exhaustion. They dragged everything out of the car, Hux had offered to keep everything at their apartment, it had enough space and then he'd drive it all down for the wedding. _No wonder Phoebe had babies with this man running around in her head, he was just so perfect._ Hux carried the boxes of paper flowers that were the table decorations, bouquets and buttonholes, Phoebe carried Paige's dress, and Rae brought in the bridesmaid dresses. They were all taken to the snug at the back of the apartment under the sleeping pods. Once everyone was safely stored, they wandered back into the kitchen; they laid the food they'd brought with them out- cheese, cured meats, olives and french stick.

"Drink?" Hux asked, taking some stubbies out of the fridge.

"Oh god yes," Rae said gratefully.

"Cheers," Phoebe responded.

"Where's Ben?" Rae said, having taken a nice cold gulp.

"He's probably on the roof working on Paige and Wesley's present," Hux answered swigging his beer.

"Roof?" Rae questioned.

Phoebe and Hux eyed each other and then turned smiling at Rae, as though they knew something she didn't.

"Wow, you really were wasted last weekend. We were all on the roof last Saturday. We have a terrace up there."

Rae took an embarrassed swig of beer, "Right." She took a few stubbies and food in her hands, "Well, I'll just reacquaint myself with that. Catch you later." She started to leave the kitchen then realised due to her drunken amnesia she had no idea where to go. "Where am I going?"

"Fire exit, past the snug," Hux said while suppressing an amused snigger.

"Right," Rae headed down under the sleeping gallery towards the door labelled fire exit, behind her she could hear Hux and Phoebe giggling unsure if it was at her or was them beginning their evening. She opened the door to a narrow balcony and steep metal see-through staircase that led to the roof. _Well, this is clearly why I got drunk, _she thought as she clung to the building nervously and made her way onto the roof. As she got closer, she could hear the sound of tools as the roof came into view she could see Ben and her breath caught in her throat. It was like the Levi's and Coca-Cola adverts from the late '80s and early '90s. Ben was in a slim, hugging white t-shirt and jeans and was using some sort of tool. His skin shimmered with moisture that she assumed was sweat, and he was streaked with dirt and dust as he used the machine on a piece of furniture. _Fuck me that is all kinds of hot. _For a while, she just watched him, but eventually, she looked about. The terrace was vast, stretching the length of the building, and a fence ran the edge of the roof. In a corner was a seating area under a wooden structure. It was still light outside- early evening; _I bet the sunset up here is spectacular._ The tool noise stopped, and Rae looked back to where Ben was, he pulled up some safety goggles and got a cloth and started wiping down the piece of furniture he was working one. Rae walked forwards, and as she approached, he turned and saw her.

"Hey," he greeted as he stood upright.

"Hey yourself. What are you doing?"

"Upcycling this bureau for Paige and Wesley. Wes said Paige was going to start studying for her emergency exams after the wedding, but they don't have a desk so... "

"That is so much better than what I got them. I mean I'll be making a collage once the wedding is over and donating to the honeymoon/house fund, but I just bought this wooden block calendar and set the date to the wedding." Ben nodded at her. "It's nice where'd you get it?" Rae asked motioning at the bureau.

"Someone was throwing it away at the dump. So wasteful it just needs a bit of TLC," he said stroking the freshly sanded wood with his hands.

"Wow, you're a dumpster diver and a handsy one at that?"

Ben stepped towards her and searched her face: it was that penetrating look he always gave her that made her falter.

"Handsy? Is that a word? " he asked with a twitch of a smirk on his lips.

Rae smiled up at him, "Yeah handsy, good with your hands."

"Handsy," he nodded a full smirk now on his face, "I can be when I want to be." His comment was full of double meaning, and they both knew it. Rae bit her lip then broke their eye contact and tried to avoid double meaning conversation.

"I never knew safety goggles could look quite so hot. I mean Swimming goggles, ski googles sure but this," she pointed at his overall appearance.

"Oh yeah, you think this is a good look for me, you think I can start a trend?" he laughed, pulling them back down over his face his hair falling forward no longer held back by the makeshift hairband. Rae laughed again.

"Beer? Food?" she offered, remembering she'd bought up both.

"Amazing!" He took both food and beer gratefully, munching through the bread and meat then opening a beer with his back teeth and pretty much finishing it in one go.

Rae grimaced, "You shouldn't do that to your teeth."

He smiled at her, "You wanna gimme a hand with this?" he gestured towards the bureau.

"Uh, no. I'm not handsy. I mean, I'll ruin it."

"It's just sanding Rae; you can't ruin it besides I thought you were an artist."

"Well if you want someone to paint it afterwards I can do that. Or decoupage? The wood is so beautiful though; I think a lacquer will be just perfect."

"Me too. Why don't you sit? I'm nearly done."

Rae happily watched Ben continue to work on the bureau, and when he finished, he came and sat next to her on the seating area, warm and moist with lines of dust streaking his face.

"So Phoebe said you did a lot of stuff to this place. What stuff?"

"The kitchen cabinets, kitchen island, bookcases, this seating area."

"Wow that is good to know- DIY skills, check. So you built this ... gazebo?"

"It's a pergola."

"What's the difference?"

"A gazebo is more a tent, and it has sides, a pergola doesn't, and you tend to grow plants up them."

"I don't see any plants," Rae said, looking over the side of the seating.

"It's a working progress." Ben smiled at her, swigging his beer, "So how was today? Get everything done?" Rae groaned leaning on his shoulder, "That bad, huh?"

"No actually it could've been worse, but it was so long. I can't believe Hux volunteered to endure that shit. We got Paige's dress, and it looked perfect- it's down in your snug. We got our dresses which looked great thank god and again they are in your snug. The flowers Anya made are fucking amazing, and again they are all boxed up and in your snug."

"Won't they die before the wedding?" Ben asked.

"No, no they're paper flowers; no death or watering."

"Hhhmmm very cool," Ben nodded.

"However it all went fucking shit with the shoes. Paige's thankfully are perfect and fitted, but ours couldn't have been more wrong. Paige ordered us navy blue heels, and we got black flats with these weird owls on the toes and all the wrong size."

"Owls?"

"Yeah, owls."

"So we then had to go shoe shopping and of course just like with the dresses no one liked the same style. Paige didn't care as long as they were navy, so we all got something we wanted that matched our dresses."

"So you all have dresses and shoes, but no one looks the same? Aren't bridesmaids all supposed to look the same?"

"Says who?"

Ben swigged his beer again, "No, yeah good point."

"We're all in the same colour; the dress Rose wanted would've looked stupid on Phoebe and me so all from the same place and same colour but different styles. Mine and Phoebe's are tight-fitting, and Rose's comes with a big netted underskirt, but they are all off the shoulder. This is a terribly dull girly conversation, isn't it?"

"It's up there with my mum talking about her boobs," Ben answered. "What colour are the dresses?"

"Navy blue, why?"

"Thought I might try and match my shirt or my tie to your dress," Ben eyed her sideways.

"Ok," she smiled at him and drank her beer.

Around them, the sun was setting, and twilight was settling in, solar lights around the terrace slowly started to come on.

"It's getting late," Rae stated. It had been a long day, and although she didn't want to leave, she did want to go to bed and didn't think staying was an option.

"You wanna go to bed?" Ben turned to her.

"I could definitely be horizontal. Long ass day," she smiled at him, playing with her empty bottle.

"Come on then, you can help me finish tomorrow," Ben said, getting up off the seating area and pulling her with him.

"Ok, I can come back tomorrow, maybe we could go to a park after," she responded. Ben looked at her confused then registered the misunderstanding.

"No, no I thought you could stay if that's ok with you?" he said, entwining his fingers around the hand he still held.

"Oh ok, I just thought you didn't want to be... you know... physically intimate."

"I didn't say that," he released their hands and placed his on her hips. "Rae I want to be intimate with you, badly. Once I commit to someone I really commit, so I want to know before anything happens that you are in the same place I am, as sure as I am. I'm not interested in some short-lived infatuation. I want you, and I'm in for the long haul." He was staring down at her sincere intensity burning his features, and Rae had to swallow. "Besides the anticipation, the expectation of what will be, the tension it's fun, and I want to savour every moment until personal restraint is no longer an option."

Rae inhaled as she looked up at him; his hands' warmth was spreading around her hips, and his words instilled a shiver up her spine and arms.  
"You make me nervous in a way I am not familiar with."

He smiled, "Come on."

They tidied up and took belongings back down the fire escape. Food and beer back in the kitchen they headed for the sleeping pods.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Ben waved up and down his dirt-covered skin, "find something to watch."

"On what?"

Ben walked to his bedside table and pulled out a remote and a hidden TV came out of the ceiling, he chucked the remote to Rae then headed for the bathroom.

Rae searched for another 90's film and was having a mental toss-up between Final Destination and Empire Records when Ben came out of the bathroom in just his boxers his wet hair pulled back steam following behind him in drifts. Rae tried not to gawk but failed. He went to the wardrobe and handed her a t-shirt.

"Thanks."

Rae looked towards the bathroom to get changed into the baggy t-shirt he'd provided but then reconsidered. _If he wants tension and anticipation, let's give him a real show_. She started to unbutton her jeans and then slid them down and stepped out of them. She didn't look at him, but she knew he was watching. She then turned her back to him and removed the t-shirt she'd been wearing, dropping it to the floor with her jeans. She went to take the one he'd provided off the bed when she sensed him close behind her and could literally feel the steamy warmth rising off his skin. Then she felt his hands on her shoulders. She closed her eyes and inhaled. He stroked her back gently, his fingers tracing along her arms and shoulders. She felt him undo her bra and slide the straps off her shoulders and down her arms. She wanted desperately to turn around and to pounce on him, but she restrained herself. The tension was exhilarating like being a frightened teenager again, nervous for the first time. She felt his hands hold her shoulders then his wet hair on her back and his breath on the back of her neck and her knees nearly buckled. He then let go, and she sensed him step back, she peered over her shoulder and could see him standing fists tense breathing hard struggling with self-control, and she smiled. Good to know it wasn't just her utterly desperate for physical intimacy. She reached for the t-shirt he'd given her on the bed and threw it on then turned around a satisfied smirk on her face. She watched him relax and return her smile with a lopsided one of his own as gave a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. He dove onto the bed and lay with his arms behind his head.

She rolled her eyes at him as she slid under the covers.

"What did you pick?"

"Choices are Final Destination or Empire Records."

"Original Empire Records or the Fox extended edition cos the extended edition weirdly just isn't anywhere near as good?"

"Original, obviously."

"Good choice. Vito."

Rae turned on the film then burrowed into his nook.

"I don't normally fall asleep in films, but tonight I may make an exception," she said as she snuggled up against his warm bare chest and he released one of the arms behind his head and wrapped it around her.


	18. An Unwelcome Visitor

Hux woke up uncharacteristically early Sunday morning. Not 6 am weekday early, but before 10 am on the weekend was rare. He lay for a while watching Phoebe's nude back rising and falling on the bed next to him, pondering to himself how he had got quite so lucky to have found the wonder that was the woman lying next to him. After a while he decided to get up get some coffee make some breakfast, maybe he'd make some pancakes. He was confident they had fresh fruit, and there was usually bacon in the fridge, not a fan of bacon on pancakes himself, but he knew Ben was. Hux carefully removed himself from the bed, grabbed some sweats and a t-shirt, then crept around the bed and out the door. He threw on the t-shirt and tiptoed down the stairs and headed into the kitchen area, opening the fridge and checking for the ingredients he wanted- yep fruit and bacon- winning! He went to the percolator and noticed coffee already made and steaming. _That's weird Ben drinks tea, so does Rae._

Hux poured himself a cup and leaned back against the kitchen island. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed someone sitting silently on the sofa. He turned, and an unexpected and not exactly welcome sight greeted him. Her exquisite white-blonde hair, perfectly manicured nails and a face that was never without flawlessly applied makeup were unmistakable. How she appeared today was a classic example of her ultimate form; leopard print cardigan, nude leather skirt and stilettos that matched; utterly exquisite, and on the surface at least, faultless. Hux suppressed a groan. This morning was no longer going to be nice, and if Ben came down before Hux could get rid of her, it was going to be downright ugly.

"Lucinda, this is an unforeseen surprise. To what do I owe this rather early visit?"

Lucinda turned and smiled at him; her teeth just like everything else about her were perfect. She was a stunning beige vision as she stood and clacked towards him on her heels.

"Huxley darling, so good to see you." 

She walked towards him arms outstretched apparently for some feigned familial embrace, which Hux merely eyed suspiciously. Out of courtesy, Hux pecked her on the cheek. She smelt strongly of makeup, hairspray and perfume and the smell made his nose wrinkle, but he managed to keep his face neutral.

"Clarabelle called me and told me about your new lady and your plans," she stated as though that was her genuine reason for being here. Hux sighed, of course, Clarabelle his beautiful and fragile stepsister who was nothing like her mother, he called her every week and had told her everything about Phoebe and their plans to move in together earlier this week. However, that wasn't why Lucinda was here even though that was her excuse. Hux was nothing to Lucinda, and she meant just as little to him.

"So why are you here? To wish me congratulations because you could've done that with a card, a text or a phone call."

"No Darling, I spoke to your father, and he asked me to bring you this, took me a while to find at his place but here," she placed a box on the kitchen island. Hux knew what it was; it was his grandmother's wedding ring, a ring Hux's father Brendan had never entrusted to any of his wives, not even Hux's mother Brendan's first wife.

"How is dear-old-dad? Not seen him in a year and not heard from in a few months."

"He's in Tokyo I believe," Lucinda said, waving her hand in the air dismissively.

"So he's with..now let me see if I can remember Kaori?"

"Oh no darling, traded her in for a younger model some time back it's Aiko now." 

Hux nodded his father was incapable of monogamy. Lucinda was his fourth wife at which point he'd realised he could no longer afford to marry and divorce on a whim. Despite being an incredible businessman, Brendan had never considered a prenup, and now Hux was stuck with tolerating this woman before him as his stepmother. Thankfully he'd grown up with his mother meaning his time with his father and whichever of the women he was with at the time had been limited. Sadly Lucinda was now the longest-running Mrs Andrews and with his father unable to divorce her without financial ruin Hux had to endure her.

"Well given you're cut from the same cloth I imagine you're not terribly lonely," he said, sipping his coffee.

"Oh no darling never lonely, bored perhaps but not lonely."

Hux hadn't missed the 'bored' in the middle of what she'd just said. _Shit, that was why she was here_.

"How did you get in? Do you still have a key?"

She didn't respond just smiled at him.

"Lucinda, you can have any man you want, and you've had most men you've met. As your stepson I'm begging you please leave Ben be. He's happy, he's found someone, and I don't want you to mess that up."

"Huxley darling, begging is beneath you. If Benjamin is truly happy, a little friendly competition won't do any harm."

Hux raised his eyebrows at her.

"Friendly? Nothing you do is ever friendly. It's all just a game to you."

"But it's the best game," she said with a perfect but cruel smile. She turned from him and looked towards the sleeping pods, "Where is dear Benjamin? I've not seen him, and he was never one to sleep late."

Hux made a decision. She wasn't going to go anywhere until she saw Ben.

"He's probably on the roof, let me get him, and he can tell you himself." Hux got his phone from his sweatpants pocket and sent Ben a text. Lucinda had gone to the window and was staring out. "Why do you do this? You only ever seduced him to make a point to Clarabelle cos she was so smitten with him. He wasn't even the only one of my friends you had."

"Who knows why any of us do anything Huxley dear," she paused as though she was considering, "it makes me feel good. I enjoy it. I like to do it."

"Clarabelle is practically a recluse because of you."

"I was never meant to be a mother," she stated rather matter of factly, "I'm terrible at it, I won't deny."

"Oh, Lucinda don't limit yourself there. You're not just a terrible mother; you're an awful human being."

"I'm no worse than your dog of a father," she responded venomously.

"No, you're not," Hux would allow her that fact. His father and Lucinda were made for each other both serial adulterers, though Hux doubted his father had ever seduced any of Clarabelle's friends. The verbal onslaught halted with the slamming of the fire exit door but did nothing to alleviate the tension which was about to get substantially worse. Hux poured more coffee and waited silently. He heard Ben's footsteps approach then stop dead, having spotted Lucinda by the window, at the entrance to the kitchen. Hux walked forwards into Ben's view.

"What is she doing here?" Ben asked without looking at him.

"Still has a key apparently," Hux responded.

Ben squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his jaw, tilted his head and clenched his fists noticeably frustrated with his younger self. Hux had known what had happened, he'd always known and how long it had gone on for which was sadly long enough for Lucinda to have a key to this apartment and come and go as she pleased. To Hux's knowledge, the affair had ended at least four years ago; however, the key had evidently not been returned and the locks had remained which was now a mistake Ben was probably cursing over mentally.

"Benjamin darling, how you've grown. No longer a boy but a real man now," she said as she came towards him and placed her hands on his chest.

Hux could see Ben breathing hard; Ben had a temper when he wanted, and right now, he was trying not to react physically to her presence. Ben turned from her to Hux.

"Hux can you maybe take Rae back to her place please while I deal with this."

"Sure. I'll take Phoebe too," Hux downed his coffee and headed out the kitchen to his sleeping pod.

"I'd love to meet this Phoebe Huxley," Lucinda said around Ben's body, "I take it Rae is your new girl?" she asked turning her full attention back to him.

Ben placed his hands on Lucinda's on his chest and firmly removed them.

"Yes, she is."

"What is she like?" Lucinda asked, crossing her arms across herself seeming to be genuinely interested. Ben didn't want to talk to Lucinda about Rae, he didn't want to talk to her at all, and so he stood quietly.

"Oh, Benjamin, I have missed you so silent and serious. Not sure I like that beard mind you," she said, stepping forward and reaching up for his face.

He flinched away from her and caught her hand before she touched him.

"I don't care what you like. I don't know why you're here, and I don't care. I don't want you. We're done. Never again. You have no power over me."

"Benjamin darling, you and I know both know that's not true. Your first love always has a power and hold over you that no-one else ever comes close to."

Upstairs Ben could hear shuffling, and doors opening and closing and he turned slightly to see Phoebe creep into his room- _good Rae would be out of here soon, and hopefully, this bitch would be gone soon too._ He took her gruffly by the arm and pulled her into the kitchen area, wishing suddenly that their apartment had more walls and doors so he could hide her when Rae left.

"I forgot how strong you are, though I believe you're even more strapping than I remember?" she laughed, feeling his tense arms hungrily.

"Stop it! I'm not a stupid sixteen-year-old kid anymore I see right through you, and I'm not interested. I want you to leave and hand that key back while you're at it."

"If I recall Benjamin, you weren't always a kid. I believe that last time we saw each other you were, what was it, twenty-three?"

Ben turned from her angrily not necessarily at her but himself. He'd allowed this viper of a woman to have a hold on him, on and off for seven years but he knew that he couldn't solely blame her. He'd known exactly what he'd engaged in with Lucinda for all those years. He'd known how wrong the whole sordid affair with Hux's stepmother was yet he'd been unable to detach himself from her, and now he felt such disgust for himself and her.

"I was a child and drunk when you seduced me. You were nearly forty! You took advantage, and it took me seven years to realise what I was, or should I say, what I wasn't to you. You used me."

"We used each other. You were of consenting age and as I recall you were on top or was it behind?" she responded.

This time Ben growled and grabbed her by the arms.

"I'm warning you. You can leave of your own accord, or I'll make you."

"Ben?" Rae's voice broke his hold on Lucinda, and his face fell in fear; this was exactly what he'd been hoping to avoid.

-X-

Rae was looking at a scene in the kitchen and was unsure what to make of it. In fact, she was uncertain of what to make of everything that had happened this morning. Ben had kissed her forehead during the early hours of the morning and said he was heading to the roof to continue working on the bureau. Then she'd been woken up by Phoebe creeping around the room and gently shaking her awake, saying they had to leave.

"What? Phoebe what? What's going on?"

"I dunno hun but Hux says we gotta leave, he's gonna drive us home. Get dressed."

"Let me shower first."

"No hun, Hux said ASAP. Quickly come on."

"What the fuck?" Rae had dressed as quickly as she could and pulled her hair back into a plait. As she left the sleeping pod and made her way down the stairs, she could hear Ben's voice tense and angry and a woman's voice older and polished. As they walked past the kitchen, she turned and saw Ben and a very chic older woman. He had his arms on her shoulders, and he was angry.

"Ben?"

He released the woman and looked at her and what she saw made her swallow; he looked frightened.

"So this is Rae, she's pretty I suppose if you like that sort of thing." The woman still had an arm on Ben almost possessively, stroking him lightly. _Who the fuck was she?_

"Ben?" she queried again.

Ben went from looking at her to looking at Hux desperately.

"Hux, please?"

"Yep on it, come on ladies let's get you home," Hux responded taking Rae by the shoulder, but Rae shrugged him off.

"Ben?!"

"Leave. Now!" Ben said to her sharply making her take a breath. She'd never seen him like this, and she could feel tears threatening behind her eyes. She took another breath and stared at him angrily and watched him cock his head at her in a crestfallen show of apology before she charged out Hux and Phoebe following her.

Ben watched Rae leave noticing the similarities to the first time they'd met when she'd raised her finger to him in sardonic fury, but this time he was genuinely distressed by it. It dawned on him that his proximity to Lucinda was far too close and she was stroking his arm and looking up at him.

"I'm surprised, dear Benjamin, she's nothing like me."

He shrugged her arm off him, "Of course she's nothing like you," he spat angrily stepping away from her and over to where Lucinda had left her things on the sofa.

"You like her?" she asked. He could hear her heels clicking on the floor as she followed him.

"I love her." he said, thrusting her belongings at her, "and I won't let you ruin it. You can't have me."

"We'll see," she said casually pulling her coat on and taking her bag from him.

"No, no, we won't see. I'm not some naive little kid anymore, and I'll take whatever action I need to, to make sure you can never come near me again."

"Sweet Benjamin, I'll do as I please. I always have." She leaned up and kissed him on the lips as if he hadn't made a threat at all then walked out of the apartment as though it were her personal catwalk.

Ben wiped her off his lips with the back of his hand roughly then turned and punched the wall hard, leaving a dent in the plaster.

"Fuck!"

His fist was scuffed, and his knuckles were bloody. He could quickly and easily trash the apartment but what would that achieve so instead he sat on the sofa with a thud and started to make a mental checklist of everything he'd need to do in order to remove Lucinda Andrews from his life- permanently.


	19. Round One

Rae sat in the back of Hux's car silently no music had been put on, and no-one was saying anything, but occasionally Rae could see Phoebe turn slightly to check on her. So Rae had got her headphones out and put some music on; music that allowed her to wallow in her thoughts- Arctic by Sleeping at Last and You are a Memory by Message for Bears. Questions swirled around her head, and none of them were good and Ben's expression as she'd left the apartment swum in front of her closed eyes, frightened, crestfallen and full of something she couldn't pinpoint. Guilt? Shame? She wasn't sure. _Was he seeing that woman, was he cheating on her? Could it be classed as cheating when they hadn't even kissed?_ She turned the volume on her phone up to full; despite her phone warning her about damaging her hearing, if she listened to music at such high levels. She wanted to drown out all her questions. She had to trust him, she could trust him Rae knew that, and although he'd spoken to her harshly, she had to trust he had a good reason and in due course, he'd explain himself. She sat and inhaled and exhaled deeply as if meditating. She was brought out of her meditation by the engine stopping, and she opened her eyes; they were home.

Rae turned her music off and started to put her headphones back in her holder and into her bag. Phoebe had turned around and was watching her.

"Tea! Come on, Hux you too!" Rae said as she exited the car and went to the house.

Rae headed into the kitchen and put the kettle on, and the others followed her sheepishly. They watched her nervously as she got down three cups and a teapot and threw in some teabags.

"Rae?" Phoebe questioned.

"Who is she Hux?" Rae asked without looking at either of them just watching the kettle boil.

Hux eyed Phoebe nervously and then looked in Rae's direction.

"My stepmother, Lucinda."

Rae absorbed that information and then leaning on the worktop looked at Hux.

"And what is your stepmother to Ben?"

Hux looked awkward and brushed a hand through his hair as both girls eyed him waiting for a response. He blew out a long breath.

"I don't need details Hux. Ben can tell me that himself; I want the basics. Is Ben fucking her?"

"No, no!" Hux exclaimed.

"Ok, then." Rae went back to the pouring water into the teapot, feeling reassured. Phoebe, however, was staring at Hux, knowing he was keeping something back.

"Hux? Spit it out!" She demanded hands on her hips.

Rae turned to look at them and Hux looked anxiously from Phoebe to her and back again.

"Hux?" Rae queried. _Had he just lied to her?_

"Ben and Lucinda were..... involved," Hux said nervously clawing at his beard.

Rae gawked at him frozen in mild disbelief.

"Involved?" Phoebe responded, "what do you mean involved?"

Hux's face agonised as he responded as much as he dared.

"She's a siren, a serial seducer of men, a wanton adulterer and Ben is just one of her many conquests."

Now Rae was shocked. Ben, her Ben, who was currently refusing any physical contact of any kind until he was absolutely certain how she felt about him, had engaged in an affair with an older married woman. Not just any woman his best friends stepmother. When she thought about it, it made total sense; it explained many of his reservations and social awkwardnesses. Hux could clearly read her thoughts from her dropped expression.

"She seduced him when he was sixteen and drunk, and he wasn't the only one of my friends and acquaintances she's had a dalliance with. There was Ian, my physics tutor and James from our swim team and Daniel from cadets an..."

Rae held her hand up and stopped him. She got the picture.

"Right. Thank you. I got it. To clarify, Ben isn't seeing her or sleeping with her anymore?"

"No. No. He's had nothing to do with her for at least the last four years," Hux said, vehemently shaking his head.

Rae took a breadth and poured the tea into the cups and added milk.

"Ok, then. That's all I need to know," she said as she handed them each a cup and they gawked at her dumbfounded.

"Rae?" Phoebe questioned, seemingly surprised by her friends' lack of histrionics.

Rae sipped her tea and looked from Hux to Phoebe.

"As long as he's not sleeping with her now and has no intention of doing so I'm good. If he wants to tell me what happened fine, but it doesn't change how I feel about him or what I want. We've all done foolish things, especially in our youth and I'm not about to criticise and chastise him for that. You aren't!" Rae said motioning at Hux.

He raised his eyebrows at her but took a sip of tea and nodded agreeing with her.

"The problem isn't Ben's intentions, its Lucinda's," Hux now offered. "He may want nothing to do with her but to Lucinda that makes the chase all the more exciting. He's happy, and he's with you, and that makes it all the more enticing. She won't give him up without a showdown."

"Marvellous!" Rae sighed sarcastically.

"Real charmer your mother," Phoebe exclaimed, and Hux nearly choked on his tea.

"Not my mother! Thank God! I was fourteen when my dad shacked up with her, fifteen when they married. Had barely anything to do with her till I was nearly seventeen and then I truly wish I hadn't. The only thing I can credit her with is providing me with a wonderful sister in Clarabelle; from one of her previous relationships/ marriages, I forget. Clarabelle is virtuous and sweet and the complete opposite of her mother."

..................................

"Morning Janie," Rae said as she smiled at the receptionist and walked into the office. She'd not heard a thing from Ben, and she was feeling apprehensive. She hadn't wanted to be a burden pestering him and felt giving his space was the best option, but still, questions plagued her. _Was not contacting him the right choice? What was he doing? Was he ok?_  
She'd slept poorly tossing and turning, checking her eyelids for holes rather than actually sleeping and finally she took some Calms to try and switch off her brain. She'd eventually fallen asleep, but she felt awful this morning. She hadn't gone into work any earlier in fact if anything she was a little late. There wasn't a set starting time at First Order as long as there wasn't a meeting, it was more about getting the work done, a flexible 9-5 attitude. She walked into the office, Rebecca was in the kitchen with Poe making tea, and she could see Finn at his desk near hers. As she walked towards her desk, her eyes wandered upwards towards the gallery. She could see Hux at his desk, but there was no sign of Ben. Given his size, it didn't matter where he was in the gallery; he was always perfectly visible.

"Ah!" she exclaimed. Her concentration lost she'd walked straight into the corner of Finn's desk. She rubbed her thigh.

"Morning sunshine. Not feeling like yourself this morning?" Finn looked at her as she grimaced down at him.

"Don't ask," she said as she limped slightly to her desk.

"Rose told me the bridesmaid duties at the weekend weren't exactly fun. Something about an owl shoe dilemma."

"They were so fucking ugly!" Rae said, smiling over at him, recalling the disaster of the bridesmaid shoes, pulling her momentarily from her drama. It didn't last, however, as she looked back up to the gallery. He wasn't there; it wasn't like he'd magically appear up there. She rechecked her phone, nothing.

"You ok there, hun?" Finn asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah, peachy," she replied, sounding anything but. She turned on her computer and put her headphones in selecting Radiohead and Stateless, music to continue wallowing in. Thankfully there was plenty of work to be getting on with, and at least a miserable disposition had always been a wonderful outlet for her creativity.

-X-

  
Ben was stood staring out the window of their apartment, waiting for the locksmith to arrive. He wouldn't be going to work today, though he'd be technically working from home, he'd be having some serious conversations with Derek, his and Hux's solicitor. He'd emailed Derek Sunday regarding the Lucinda issue, and Derek had advised getting an official letter drafted. He'd then be going to the police to make an official statement to get the ball rolling regarding implementing a restraining order. The process of removing Lucinda from his life wasn't going to be as simple as he hoped, but if he did it properly, it would be permanent. However, locks first Lucinda wouldn't be making any more impromptu visits. A knock at the door made him momentarily freeze until he reminded himself Lucinda had a key and would very unlikely knock. Ben walked to the door quietly just in case and looked through the peephole. It was the locksmith, and he opened the door, relieved.

"Morning mate," the man cheerily greeted.

"Morning. Thank you for coming on such short notice and so early," Ben responded.

"Get broken into over the weekend?" The man asked the name badge on his uniform called him Jeff.

Ben had no intention of sharing with this stranger, Jeff, the real reason behind him needing his locks changed. _No, my floozy, married ex still has a key and is letting herself in and won't hand it back_ sounded kind of pathetic out loud.

"Yeah, something like that."

"No problem be done in less than an hour."

"Thanks. You want a cuppa."

"Love one mate. Just milk please no sugar," Jeff responded as he started getting his tools out.

An hour later much as Jeff had predicted the locks had been successfully changed and Jeff left. Ben locked the door behind him and went to call Derek. They discussed the letter Derek had drafted, and after a few amendments, Ben hung up. Two things down one to go the next stop was the police station. Ben checked his watch, it was midday, and he decided tea and a snack was in order, before heading to the police station. As Ben strolled over to the kitchen, he heard a noise from the front door like someone trying to enter. He froze and listened carefully, trying to be as quiet as possible. A key was being twisted but to no avail. Ben crept as stealthily as he could towards the door. He could hear annoyed moans from the other side. He was close to the door now, and he inhaled deeply before taking the last step to peer through the spy-hole, allowing his breath out very slowly so as not to be heard.

There she was looking frustrated but immaculate as always, all in taupe gold. She'd had work done Ben knew, but nothing massive, no significant surgery only superficial work like Botox and teeth whitening. Lucinda had been beautiful when he first met her all those years ago. She'd taken his breath away. He'd never seen a woman like her, such polished beauty. He had to credit her with the fact that she had aged well; Lucinda was a very attractive woman, and he imagined she always would be. He got a sick feeling in his throat now when he thought about her, about the hold she'd had over him and the things they had done. He tensed his hands and closed his eyes, allowing the last of his held breath out slowly, and he took in another slow, measured breath. _Enough, enough now_.

"Well played Benjamin. You win round one, lets up the ante for round two." 

He heard her say from the other side of the door. He reopened his eyes and peered through the spy-hole again as he watched her place the useless key on the floor and sauntered away with her heels clicking on the floor. Ben let the air out of his lungs in one release and stood briefly with his head resting on the door as he breathed in and out. Once he was sure, she'd gone he opened the door and retrieved the key. He'd lost his appetite, and so he grabbed his trainers, phone and new keys and headed for the police station. As he walked, he pulled on his headphones and turned on Drown by Front Porch Step.

_Well I'm so tired of the rain_   
_Falling softly on the ground_   
_Just enough to get my feet wet_   
_But not enough to let me drown_

_I've been laying in my bed_

_Wishing I had never woken_   
_Begging God to rid my head_   
_Of every word you've ever spoken_

_Broke my knuckles on the wall.........._

_You are the itch that's on my back_   
_You are the gum under my shoe_   
_You are the horrors of my past_   
_You are the chill that haunts the room_

_You are the creaking on my steps_

_You are cancer, you are plague_   
_You are regret, you are disease_   
_I wish that you would go away_

Ben knew the song was about the pain after a break up with someone you'd loved. He had never loved Lucinda, at the time he thought he had, but he knew better now, and the lyrics of the end of the song seemed particularly poignant now as Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden came on.


	20. Round Two

It was Wednesday when Ben made an appearance. Rae had neither heard from him in that time nor seen him. As she walked into the office pausing her rather depressing mix of acoustic Slipknot and Metallica tunes, she could see his distinctive frame; arms crossed looking down into the office from the gallery. He looked tired and tense. She paused by her desk, looking up at him as she removed her headphones. There was no smile to greet her; there wasn't even the penetrating look. It seemed to have been replaced by this new sorrowful one; both cold and distant. She took a deep sigh and plonked herself down at her desk. There was a mountain of work to be done; she reminded herself. She had better things to think about than obsess about what he was thinking; however, the wedding was this weekend. She wanted to lay her head on the desk, but she was too proud. He was still probably staring downward and perhaps at her. She was here when he was ready; she just had to be strong, but it was so hard.

-X-

In the gallery above, Ben looked down at Rae. She looked tired, but at least she didn't seem angry. For the first time, he honestly couldn't read her. How had everything gone to shit so quickly? He couldn't allow this issue with Lucinda to ruin what he so desperately wanted but until it was dealt with he felt he couldn't approach Rae. That was, however, being dishonest with himself. He didn't want her to know any of the truth. It made him feel unclean under his skin, and no matter what he did, it wouldn't go away. He didn't want her to know the worst thing he'd done because he was afraid of what would happen if she knew. _How could she not be repulsed by him when he was_?  
He watched her as she turned on her computer and started to work a gnawing desperate sensation in his stomach.

"Has she said anything to you?" He muttered.

"What?" Hux said, coming over to him.

"Rae, has she said anything to you?"

"About???"

Ben gave Hux a knowing look.

"About Sunday? Yeah, she did on Sunday, and I told you. She doesn't care. When you're ready, she'll be waiting. Gotta suck it up mate cos the longer this," Hux motioned to Ben and back at Rae "goes on the harder it'll be. Don't wanna get stuck in friend-zone." Hux placed his palm on Ben's chest.

Ben nodded, Hux was right he knew Hux was right; he so often was didn't make him any less terrified, though.

..........................................

Around lunchtime, a woman sauntered past Janie into the office followed by a timid dark-haired young woman. The woman was incredibly elegant, with an air of superiority emanating from her presence. Her demeanour and appearance classed her as someone with wealth, only the truly rich could wear that much white and keep it looking perfect. Janie was tottering after her with concerns about a lack of ID and appointment. The elegant woman turned.

"Young lady. I'm Mrs Andrews, your boss's mother. I don't need an appointment. I'm simply here to provide sustenance." She waved her hand at Janie as though she were a fly in the air that was annoying her.

She continued to strut through the office, and Janie raced back to her desk to inform Mr Andrews about his mother's impromptu visit.

Rae's concentration on her work was broken by a shimmering white form perched on the edge of her desk. She looked up to what she already knew would greet her, removing her headphones slowly and leaning back in her chair, attempting to remain casual. A mantra she'd often repeated to herself when she thought her emotions might overwhelm her started to go through her mind. _Hard as a rock, cold as stone_. She attempted to make her face exactly that cold, uncaring and expressionless.

"Well, how intriguing. I didn't know you were one of Benjamin's employee's. It would appear he wanted to be the dominant participant, for a change." Lucinda smiled down at Rae, a smile that wasn't 100% disingenuous but was gloating rather than friendly.

"I don't know what you mean," Rae said, crossing her arms across herself repeating her chant internally 'h_ard as a rock, cold as stone'_.

Around the office, everyone's gaze was on Lucinda, which was probably exactly how she wanted it. In the gallery Hux had received the warning call from Janie. He and Ben had gone to the window and looked down spotting Lucinda at Rae's desk, Hux had to stop Ben from charging to the door and down the stairs. Hux had forcefully planted a finger on Ben's chest then pointed towards Ben's desk then exited the office down the staircase.

"With me, he was always submissive, and I was dominant. Given you're his employee, his subordinate, he clearly wanted to be the dominant half for a change."

_Hard as a rock, cold as stone_. "I don't know what you mean," Rae repeated trying to maintain a state lacking in emotion.

"Oh," Lucinda exclaimed whilst placing a perfectly manicured hand to her chest in mock shock. "You mean to tell me you haven't slept with Benjamin yet? How very strange. Dear girl carnal knowledge of that man is worth the wait but why would you? Wait too long, and you'll end up like Clarabelle here." She motioned to the shy dark-haired girl holding a hamper next to her.

"Clarabelle how nice to see you again." Poe had come over and pecked her on the cheek. He took a sip of his coffee and then gave Lucinda an unimpressed look.

"Lucinda."

"Mr Dameron, I didn't know you still worked here."

"What can I say, my loyalty is my weakness." He smirked at her, at which point Hux had managed to get down the stairs and gruffly took Lucinda by the arm.

"What in god's name do you think you're doing here." He half whispered at her.

The whole office was now looking in this direction; some were standing and openly gawking.

"Huxley darling, your sister and I brought you and Benjamin some lunch." She responded utterly innocent.

Hux looked to Clarabelle and placed a gentle hand on her arm.

"Sweet sister." He kissed her on the cheek and took the hamper from her. "Stay here."

"You," he said, tightening his grip on Lucinda's arm "this way." He pulled her from Rae's desk, and half dragged her towards the stairs. In the gallery above, Ben stood watching arms crossed angrily across his chest.

"Oh Huxley so forceful, I didn't know you had it in you." Lucinda laughed as she led the way up the stairs.

"Do shut up." He said as he followed her.

Rae let out a sigh that was almost a groan then stood and held out her hand to the young woman stood uncomfortably next to Poe.

"Hi, Clarabelle I'm Rae."

The young woman stared at the outstretched hand fearfully but eventually took it and shook it lightly.

"I've heard all about you from Hux."

Rae grimaced. "Oh, dear."

Clarabelle smiled. She was the epitome of the geek heroine from all those teen movies Rae had watched as a kid. A female Clarke Kent; remove the glasses and hair from her face and she would be beautiful, stunningly so. Most men sadly wouldn't notice although it appeared Poe did. He placed an arm around Clarabelle's shoulders.

"When are you going to stop letting that woman order you about?" he said, looking at her softly.

"You know her?" Rae asked him.

"Oh, I've had the displeasure several times. She tried her sorcery on me, but to no avail, I'm made of stronger stuff. There are man-eaters, and then there is Lucinda Andrews. She is one of a kind, a devourer of men's souls!"

Clarabelle giggled under his arm, and Poe smiled down at her. Rae had never seen Poe quite like this. Was he smitten?

Right then Finn strolled over from conference room where he'd been on a call with StarKiller.

"Hey what's going on? What did I miss? What's everyone staring at?"

"Lucinda," Poe answered, hugging Clarabelle to him a little.

"Who's Lucinda?" Finn asked cluelessly.

"I'd tell everyone to get back to work and stop staring, but even I want to see this," Poe said, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Who's Lucinda?" Finn asked again, but no-one responded, like everyone else in the office they were watching the scene being acted out in the glass gallery above.

-X-

Lucinda entered the gallery and Hux followed closing the door behind him, though he wondered what the point was. Everyone in the office below had a full view of what was going on, and he imagined Ben would not be able to maintain a low level and measured voice.

Ben stood leaning against his desk, arms folded and face tense. Lucinda removed her coat which she'd been wearing like a cloak and draped it over Hux's desk. She then turned to Hux, taking the hamper and placing it on his desk, began rummaging through pulling out some artisan focaccia and delicatessen wrapped goods.

"I brought you some lunch, as I recall you enjoy the finer things in life."

She glided gracefully over to Ben, handing them to him. Ben just stared at her, so she placed them on his desk and then came uncomfortably close to him, resting her leg on his attempting to insert herself between his thighs. She put her hands on his shoulders.

"Benjamin dearest, don't be like this. I had to come here you gave me no choice when you changed the locks."

Ben glared down at her.

"You're not wanted here." He unfolded his arms and reached behind him for a document on his desk, the one he'd retrieved when they'd received the call that she was here. Her hands slid down his arms as he did so but other than that she didn't move. He put it in front of her face, blocking her view of him.

"Read it."

She took it and stepped around him and settled herself behind his desk and into his chair, crossing her bare legs exaggeratedly slowly. As she read the document Hux could tell she was not happy the superior pout that kept her face in a sort of permanent twitch of a smile fell away to a displeased sort of scowl, and she licked her lips.

"Is this supposed to deter me? You'll have to do better than that." She said as she dismissively tossed the paper onto the desk. Ben turned now and leaned over the desk. For a moment, her exterior flitted with a look a fear; he imagined he looked rather dark and menacing as he eyed her while placing his hand on the letter and sliding it back towards her.

"It's an official letter from my solicitor, just one of the steps that must be fulfilled in order to have a court place a restraining order upon you," Ben stated matter-of-factly. "One of the other steps is filing a report with the police which I've done. I told you I want nothing to do with you. You ignored me as I knew you would so I took precautions and now I can get another letter drafted officially, and I can file more into my report with the police. You entered my home without permission and attempted to do so again, having been asked not to return. You came to my place of work. I have enough to make things for you extremely unpleasant if you continue. You think you can do as you please because Mr Andrew's won't divorce you, but you're wrong. If he finds out that his son's best friend and business partner has filed a restraining order against you and that you had an affair with him when he was sixteen years old, you'll have tainted his name with degrading deeds. I imagine he'll be more than a little displeased, isn't that right Hux?"

Behind them, Hux nodded where he stood rather casually against his desk, one hand in his pocket the other hand stroking his beard.

"See, Hux had a conversation with Brendan Sunday, and was reliably informed that should I have to go as far as implementing this restraining order that your allowance could be cut off and that your rights to the marital home could be removed. Legally Mr Andrew's would be well within his rights, and there wouldn't be a thing you can do about it because I have, and therefore Brendan would have unequivocal proof. Ask yourself, are you willing to go that far?" He eyed her steadily now and thought he saw her visibly inhale annoyed as she contemplated what he'd said.

"You've become desperate in your old age Lucinda, and it doesn't become you." Ben's last statement was cruel, but he didn't care; he wanted her to understand him fully. To leave and never come back. He raised himself up and stared down at her.

She turned her head from him regaining her composure then stood and smoothed down her skirt calmly then she walked around the table. The fake smiles were gone as was her flirtatious manner. The real Lucinda devious and cruel was present, he'd seen her a few times in person but she'd always been there simmering just under the surface of the false niceties.

"Well played Benjamin. I do believe that's game, set and match." She placed a hand on his chest and kissed him on the cheek lingering for a moment before heading to Hux's desk and picking up her coat.

"It's been a pleasure. Keep the food." She walked out the door and down the stairs as though nothin tawdry had happened. Everyone in the office who had been standing and staring, now scarpered back to their desks, everyone but Rae, Finn and Poe who still stood at Rae's desk. As Lucinda neared Rae's desk she halted and eyed Rae as though she was a fly in her wine.

"He's all yours sweetie. He may be rid of me in person, but I'll always be there in his mind, he'll never really escape me. Remember that."

"You're wrong," Rae said calmly. "From this moment on, he'll forget you and never think of you again, but I imagine you'll remember him for the rest of your life." Now Rae smiled cruelly.

Lucinda turned her head callously.

"Clarabelle we're leaving." She started walking towards the door without looking back to see if Clarabelle had even followed. Clarabelle began to go when Poe grasped her hands.

"Give me your number, this time I'm calling you." Clarabelle smiled, sweetly at him.

"Get it from Hux." She said as she lightly jogged after her mother.

As the doors to the office shut behind them, the office erupted into a clamour of noise as everyone animatedly gossiped what had happened.

"Ding dong the witch is gone," Poe said, heading to the kitchen.

"Will someone please tell me who the fuck Lucinda is?" Finn hollered after him.

Rae grinned, was it done? She hoped so. She allowed herself to look at the gallery. Hux was standing at the window eating something she assumed was from the hamper Lucinda had brought, and Ben was leaning against his desk head back looking towards the ceiling. She half-smiled at Hux who raised a hand in acknowledgement, then she headed after Poe and Finn towards the kitchen, she needed a drink, but sadly another tea would have to suffice.


	21. Moonlight and Motorbikes

The rest of Wednesday in work had been mercifully drama and Lucinda free. It had also, however, been conversation free with regards to Ben, and Rae had eventually left reluctantly still having not spoken to him. She could see him sat at his desk looking busy and so she'd decided again not to bother him either in person or via phone. Rae went to bed that night feeling relieved but not exactly positive. She felt like she was back at square one, unable to talk to him and unsure of what to do. Tomorrow Rae would bite the bullet and speak to him be it charging into the office or only via text she would make an effort. She had to. She was not going to allow this thing between them to wither and die to become merely friends who always wished they'd been more, but it was too late to do anything about it. She didn't want another what if. Resolved that tomorrow would be different Rae actually slept well.

In the morning Rae headed to work with upbeat music on with a sense of purpose- Archive Bullets, Half Moon Run Full Circle and Florence and the Machine No Light, No Light. On the underground, Rae felt too agitated to read, so she stood by the door between the carriages staring through the lowered window. The full length of the tube was visible, and Rae gazed at the other commuters as her hair whipped about her. The wind from the open window buffed her hair about her head, and she felt grateful that she'd always considered the windswept look to have suited her. As Rae nodded at Janie as she entered the office, Florence and the Machine returned this time with Heavy in your Arms. She headed to her desk, looking up at the gallery as she walked. Ben stood with his arms folded, looking down into the office below. She stood directly in front of him and gave him a faint smile and raised a hand as a greeting. He didn't smile, but she saw his brow furrow and he looked down at his folded arms pursing his lips then looked back to her. His shoulders moved visibly in a sigh, and then he unfolded his arms and turned from the window into the depths of the gallery. She could still see him, but he'd turned his back on her. _Well, that went fucking well_. She growled in frustration and plonked herself at her desk.

-X-

The Bullseye account was causing problems again, and Ben and Hux had been on an open conversation with them for the last hour. Initially, they had liked everything, then they'd changed their mind, a new order had been put forward with a new charge, and now they were changing their mind again! Wrongly assuming they could have their money back. Hux and Ben had been speaking to them about how it didn't matter that they'd changed their mind- again work had been done so payment would be required regardless.

The call finally ended just after 11 am. Ben leaned over Hux's desk, hands planted and practically resting his face on it. Hux sat in his chair heavily and rested his head on the desk.

"Coffee!" he groaned into the desk. "Coffee!"

"Fucking idiots," Ben sighed straightening up from the desk. "More money than fucking sense."

"Coffee!" Hux moaned again partially muffled by the desk.

"Yes yes I hear you I'll go get you one." 

Ben grabbed Hux's mug. Without raising his head from the desk or even attempting to not speak to the desk, Hux pointed at him.

"And for god's sake, talk to Rae. It was bad enough before when you liked her. I can't bear this silent guilt trip you're on anymore. Talk to her- now!" Hux's hand now pointed to the gallery window.

"Right. On it," Ben said as he exited the gallery and headed down the steps.   
Rae's was the first desk he hit. She was working and as always her headphones were in and didn't see or hear him approach. He stood over her desk, watching her sketch. It looked like a woman in the lotus position, but her arms were raised above her head- certainly didn't look like it was for any of their clients.

Tentatively he reached forward and took the wire of one of her headphones. She jumped slightly, and he paused. She looked at him and smiled then passed him her headphone. He smiled and took it, placing it in his ear. Incubus, her favourite as he recalled was playing- Here In My Room.

"You know I thought for years that he was singing 'you're always a virgin, here in my room'."

She smiled, "Love is a verb here in my room."

"I know that now, but I still hear it my way."

"You're way is sweet," she said, leaning back in her chair.

"I'm getting Hux a coffee; you want anything."

She stood up.  
"I'll come with."

Ben put the kettle onto boil and filled the mugs, and as they waited, she steadfastly observed him.

"I.... I....." he closed his eyes. His childhood stutter was apparently having a re-emergence. _Fucks sake. Just spit it out, Ben. _"I'm sorry."

She cocked her head and gave him a puzzled look.  
"What for?"

Now Ben was puzzled. 

"For not te... telling you about Lucinda. For the way, I....I spoke to you."

"She's your ex. Why would you tell me about her? I haven't told you about some of my more spectacular choices. As for the way you spoke to me perfectly understandable, given the circumstances."

He stepped towards her now unsure as to why she was so casual and calm.

"I feel so ashamed."

"I know you do."

"How c..c.a...n you not be judging me knowing what I've done."

"I think you're doing enough judging for the both of us." She stepped towards him now and placed a hand on his arm. "What right do I have to judge you for something that happened ten years ago? We've all done foolish things. Some of us don't have the excuse of doing them when we were young. I know I certainly have. It's the past, and I'm more interested in the future."

He was looking at her relief flooding through him as she continued.  
"Honestly I'm kind of relieved, you were just too perfect, it's nice to know you're human and make mistakes like the rest of us."

He looked at her and shook his head.  
"No."

"No, you're not human?" Rae asked him jokingly

Ben smiled now, "No, no I'm far from perfect."

The noise of the kettle hissing and the click announcing boiling was complete caused Ben to turn to finish making the drinks. Behind him, Rae spoke again.

"You're still coming tomorrow? Right? Paige's wedding."

He turned, passing her, her cup.  
"Do you want me to?"

"Of course I do."

"Then, I'll be there."

"Good."

He took a sip of his drink.

"I ought to get this to Hux; he might still be lying with his face planted onto his desk, moaning for coffee."

Rae giggled, "Ok."

.............................

Friday morning was manic. Despite sorting out everything that needed to be brought the night before Rae was rushing about mostly placing makeup and toiletries in a bag; one could never pack these things till the last moment.

"Rose? Phoebe?" she hollered down the corridor, "all my stuff is by my bedroom door."

Phoebe came down the corridor on her phone, "Ok yeah. Great. Thank you. Love you. See you later." 

Phone conversation over she now spoke to Rae.

"Hux has the dresses and flowers in the car, and we're picking up the cake on the way to the hotel. So I'll see you guys back here."

Rose joined them.  
"I'll be making my way there once I'm fully awake. Remember, the 'rehearsal meal' starts at 6 pm."

"Yeah, leaving work early," Phoebe replied.

"Catch you guys later," Rae said as she put in her headphones and headed for the door.

Work was insane sorting out the Bullseye account, but at least it would be brief. At lunchtime, Hux stood by her desk.

"Ready Walker? We gotta go."

Rae looked up. She was definitely not ready! _Shit_.  
"Gimme like 10 minutes. Is your car outside? I can meet you there if you like?" Her eyes strayed to the gallery. "What about Ben?" She could still see him in the office a definite lack of urgency about his movements. _Was he not coming?_

"He's coming on the bike a bit later. Said he needed the ride to clear his head. I'll meet you at the car."

"Ok," Rae started scrambling about with what she was doing and closing up for the weekend.

"See you tomorrow," Poe responded as she told him where she'd got to and ran out the office door.

...........................

Rae was sat next to Paige absently listening to stories and her friends giggling. Internally her mind raced with one question where the hell was Ben? Why had he missed the meal? She jumped and was pulled abruptly from her thoughts by Paige grabbing her arm.

"Holy fuck. Someone remind me why I'm getting married tomorrow?" Paige was looking towards the entrance of the hotel and the reception desk which was visible from the snug area in which they'd all congregated following their meal. Rae looked towards where Paige was looking. A tall, strapping leather-clad man was unclipping his helmet at reception. It would appear Ben had arrived. Rae knew from the stance and general physique that the biker at reception was him.

"What's caught your eye now, lover?" Wesley joked, standing behind Paige's chair and giving her an affectionate kiss on the neck.

Rae, Wesley, and Paige all watched as Ben removed his helmet and ran a hand through his raven dark hair as he spoke to the receptionist.

"Oh God, that man, I mean seriously!" Paige asked.

"Do you think he'd take me for a ride on his bike?" Wesley asked Rae.

She shrugged, amused by their mutual interest. Paige made an exaggerated inhale turned and grabbed Wesley by the scruff of his shirt.

"You want a bike? I would love you in leathers straddling an engine! I want to be your pillion. Let's ask Ben for a go?" Paige hauled herself out of her chair and dragged Wesley with her bounding up to Ben enthusiastically. "Alright there Mad Max, looking good. Can we see your bike? Maybe go for a spin?"

Ben looked a bit flummoxed having only just arrived, but with a hand gesture, he led the way back out to the car park. Rae followed, giving him a wink. She watched as Ben got back on and gave Wesley the spare helmet and Wesley excitedly clambered on. Wes could be heard roaring with glee inside the helmet as Ben took him for a spin. As she and Paige watched them zoom off out of the car park, Paige commented.

"You are one lucky bitch; you know that, right? Like the perfect mix of Mr Darcy and Daryl Dixon. Have you tapped that yet, cos you seriously need to?"

"I sometimes forget Paige how crass you can be," Rae answered.

"Is that a no?"

"That's a resounding no. Not even kissed him yet."

The sound of the bike returning stopped Paige responding further, but to their surprise, it was Wesley driving with Ben jogging along beside him.  
Paige grabbed Rae's arm.

"Oh my god, would you look at my man! Cool-fucking-Rider!"  
Paige jumped on the spot as Wesley pulled up and Ben helped him park and get off.  
As Wesley removed his helmet, Paige flung her arms about his neck.  
"Do we have to be separate tonight cos I'm having all sorts of fantasies right now?"

Wesley smiled and kissed her.  
"So that's a yes to buying a bike?"

"As long as I can be your pillion, you can definitely buy a bike." She kissed him passionately, "Hey, Ben can I get a quickie?"

"Sure," Ben obligingly replaced his helmet and clambered back on.

"No groping the driver Paige," Wesley warned as Paige leapt on and gave a rock sign with her hand as she cheered and they took off.

When they returned, the sky was beginning to fade. Wes and Paige headed indoors fondling each other chatting animatedly about the motorbike they'd buy after the wedding.

"Did uh, did you wanna go for a ride?" Ben asked Rae mildly nervously. 

"Sure," Rae said as she accepted the spare helmet and clambered on behind him enclosing her arms about Ben's broad back.

Ben rode out of the hotel car park and the village where the hotel was situated. Paige and Wesley wanted a very Paganesque wedding, and so they were getting married in a marquee in some woods nearby. Other than the small village it was just pure countryside with interesting country roads which Ben was currently gliding down. Rae wasn't sure if he had a destination in mind, but after half an hour and a bit of a climb he pulled in at the top of a hill by a viewpoint and turned off the engine. Rae clambered off, and when Ben removed his helmet, she followed his lead. He offered his hand, and she took it as he walked to the edge of the viewpoint to look out over the expanse of the countryside below.

"Wow, now that is a view." 

In the distance, Rae could make out a river that in the failing light looked like a silver vein running across the patchwork grey-green fields.

"It's good, but that's not why I stopped," Ben said, pointing upwards. Rae followed his gaze. The sky above was full of stars.

"Uh, you forget that you never see them in London. Where is it?" she started scanning the sky.

"Where's what?" Ben asked.

"The Plough. It's my favourite constellation. There it is." She stood and looked at it for a while. "Actually it's the only constellation I can find. I first noticed it when I was with my dad, he and my mum never lived together, well they did but not that I can remember. Anyways I spotted it at his house, he lives very rurally, and the stars are amazing because there's no light pollution. I thought it looked like a question mark and he told me it was the Plough. Now I always look for it when I go somewhere. No matter where I am on the planet, it's nice to know we can be looking at the same stars." She looked at Ben, and he was smiling genuinely at her. She was glad that genuine smiles had returned.

"That's adorable. Didn't know you had that in you."

"Shut up!" she said, hitting him gently with her hand.

She looked up again; the moon was full.  
"Aaaooohhhhh!" she howled.

Ben looked at her eyebrows raised, "You're a little strange, you know that right?"

"I know. I'm ok with that," she said as she watched him sit and then lower himself to lying on the grass with his arms behind his head. She just looked for a moment taking in the sight of him then she joined him.

"Do you know any constellations?" she asked.

"Same as you. I know the name Orion's Belt only because of Men In Black, I'm not sure which three stars in a row it is though. I mean there are a lot of stars that could be considered to be in a row."

Rae laughed next to him. 

"I like looking at stars," he continued, "they remind me how short life is and how trivial, and therefore, how trivial any concerns I might have are."

"Deep."

"Rae." 

She turned to him, and he was lying on his side looking at her, and his intense look even in the dim light made her stop breathing. The feeling she often got in her stomach when he looked at this way churned. She swallowed, reminding herself to breathe.

"I'm going to kiss you now."

She didn't respond, just watched as he rested his arm on the grass next to her. He leaned down over her, his beautiful dark hair falling forward in waves. Despite the dim light, she could see his deep-set eyes burning intensely. She didn't want to close her eyes but as the gap between them lessened and his eyes filled her whole vision she did. She could feel his breath on her face until eventually, his soft full lips touched hers, and she opened hers slightly to embrace them. Her body tingled at the touch, and she became alive, her hand reached up for his face resting on his jaw and tracing behind his ear, caressing his hair, inviting a fuller deeper kiss. He relaxed a little allowing his weight to rest on her as he caressed her face. Lips touched softly and tentatively. Rae's blood was pulsating in her head, almost deafeningly. She was glad she was lying on the grass; had she not been her legs might have given way under the weight of her sensations. She drew him closer towards her, her mouth on his becoming more insistent. His mouth was a drug she couldn't get enough of as she held him tight and sighed gently into the unknown beyond.

Rae's eyes had been almost luminescent in the dimming light. Her eyes were his whole world as he leaned over her. Just as they closed, he closed his, and as he breathed in her warm breath, he laid his mouth upon hers. Her face was cool against his, but her lips were warm, and as their lips embraced, they became moist and hot. She impatiently drew him closer to her, her teeth occasionally sampling his lower lip in little nips. He couldn't resist as he reached for her face and lay upon her. His heart was racing in his chest, pounding against his ribs. He heard her lusty sigh and felt it flow into him as he allowed himself to taste her with a low moan of desire of his own. He'd wanted this moment from almost the first time he'd seen her, and now they were finally connected, entwined in each other physically and mentally. The starlit sky and noises of night-time creatures disappeared as they became each others' world; nothing existed except them and this blazing heat, this passion.

Ben wasn't sure how long they'd been lost in each other in the grass on the hilltop, but when he had finally come up for true air and not just the shared oxygen from between kisses the world around him hadn't come to life because it was now genuinely dark. He looked down at her, her eyes were partially lidded and seemed hazy, and he understood why; drunk with desire. Ben gave a heavy sigh, he could continue and easily give in to her and his yearnings on this hillside. The mere thought sent a shiver through him nesting deep in his stomach. He wanted to so badly but now wasn't the right time. He sat up from her stilling his thoughts and his pulse, and after a few moments, he stood.

"We should get back," he said, offering her a hand.

She took it and tried to pull him back down. He stepped forwards momentarily losing his balance, but she wasn't strong enough. In the dark, he saw her pout sulkily.

"I'd prefer to get back to what we were doing unless you're planning to continue back at the hotel? she said, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

He didn't respond just pulled her up from the ground.   
"Big day tomorrow. Come on."

He maintained a hold of her hand until he got back to his bike. As she mounted behind him, she clung to him tightly and pressed her body to his.  
_Easy Ben. Focus. You don't want to crash._

When they arrived back at the hotel, the main group was still sitting in the snug off reception. They walked together occasionally the edges of their fingers touching the others.  
"Alright lovebirds nice ride?" Paige asked.

Ben nodded not realising as Rae did the loaded double meaning in Paige's query. He leaned down to Rae's ear but only to say.

"I'm gonna see about getting some food." 

Rae had to admit he'd missed the meal; he was probably starving.

"Sure," she went and sat next to Paige, who eyed her up and down before reaching a hand up to her hair and removing a blade of dried grass.

"Have fun?" Paige asked. Rae must have visibly blushed, which was extremely unlike her as Paige continued, "I'll take that as a yes."

"We kissed, that's all."

"Oh, that's all."

Ben walked back over to her.  
"I'm gonna check in to my room. I ordered the food there, and I need to take a shower. I'm beat; it's been a very long week. I'll see you tomorrow."

Rae was a bit flummoxed. She thought more might be happening now they were back, but apparently Ben did not. He inclined his head and kissed her on the cheek. She closed her eyes despite herself. The hair on the back of her arms rose at his touch, bringing back every desire from the hilltop. She could feel his breath against her jaw as he whispered.

"Night."

Her words failed her as he walked towards the stairs with his helmet in his hands.

"Wow," Paige said. "I remember when it was like that".

Rae groaned and dropped her head.


	22. The Reason

In his room, Ben didn't bother to wait for the food to be delivered; he stripped off and got straight in the shower. He turned the water to cool as he leaned against the tiles with his hands. Head dipped watching the water runoff his hair to the floor. His skin felt like fire, and his loins ached. This ache wasn't just a result of a stressful week or a hot hard day followed by a long bike ride. She had done this to him. He touched his bottom lip, which was subtly swollen and nicely sensitive from passionate kisses and desirous teeth. He leant back, letting the cold water, shower his face attempting to wash away these feelings. He was exhausted and tomorrow was the wedding, he couldn't do this now. It didn't work. He practically scrubbed himself raw with soap before exiting the shower as frustrated exiting as he'd been when he entered. As he partially redressed in boxers and jeans, there was a knock on his door. His mind automatically jumped to Rae, but he heard a muffled greeting of, 'Room service.'

Right, of course, he'd ordered food. He opened the door and let them in. He looked at the food he'd ordered no longer feeling hungry or at least not the kind that the burger before him would satiate. He ate it anyway it had been hours since he'd eaten. He felt much the same after eating as he had before, an unquenchable gnawing in his stomach. If he were at home, he'd go to the gym or go for a ride.

He lay on the bed and put some music on closing his eyes, attempting to relax.  
The first song was Incubus Pardon Me.

_So pardon me while I burst into flames _   
_Pardon me while I burst into flames_   
_I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games_   
_So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame_   
_Pardon me, pardon me, I'll never be the same._

The song was not calming him. The lyrics encapsulated his current physical issue where he thought he might spontaneously combust.  
Halfway through he skipped it and the next track started, mellower. This was better, except it wasn't- Hoobastank The Reason. He liked this song, but it wasn't helping to calm him and stop the blood charging through his veins because it made him think of Rae.

_I'm not a perfect person _  
_There's many things_ _I wish I didn't do_  
_But I continue learning_  
_I never meant to do those things to you_  
_And so I have to say before I go_  
_That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me_   
_To change who I used to be_   
_A reason to start over new_   
_And the reason is you._

_Fuck it._ Ben made an impulsive decision and grabbing a shirt and chucking on some trainers he headed out of the room to find Rae. Outside his door, however, he realised he had no idea which room was hers, so he headed to reception to find out.

-X-

In Rae's room, the girls were in their pyjamas drinking and gossiping. Technically nothing between them would change tomorrow, but officially one of them would be married. It felt like the end of a chapter, and so they were spending it together. Rose had bought face masks to which Phoebe had immediately pointed out that should someone have an allergic reaction they'd have serious issues tomorrow and so they'd put those aside. Rae was, however, shellacking nails with her kit; better now than early in the morning.

"So Rae what's going on with you and Ben? The sexual tension is quite frankly palpable!" Paige said as Rae sat carefully painting her nails a light grey.

Rae rolled her eyes at her.  
"Paige it's the night before your wedding day can we please not talk about me."

"That's right it's my wedding, so we'll talk about whatever the fuck I want, and I want to discuss the drama that is you and Ben, so it's not an issue tomorrow."

"Fine," Rae answered, not looking up from the task at hand.

"So you guys finally kissed. How was it?"

"You kissed? Finally. Why didn't you say so? Details please!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Rae gushed, "Honestly, it was amazing. I've had good kisses before and some terrible ones but this was on another level. I feel like electricity is running through me, my spine is tingling, and at any moment I'll go up in flames."

"Wow, that's hot," Rose exclaimed.

"I feel you," Phoebe said, raising a glass in a sort of join the club salute and Rae smiled. "Everything with Hux is like nothing I've ever experienced."

"He is perfect for you," Rae said.

"I remember when it was like that," Paige remarked.

"It's not anymore?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, sure just not every moment of every day. Wes and I have been together since we were fifteen. He's my best friend, my lover but more than that he's my soulmate. I've never been with anyone else, and I never want to be. He knows everything about me, he knows me and accepts all of it. That kind of intimacy wins hands down over tingles in the spine. It was like that before sex happened and for a while after. We kissed for years before anything physical really happened. It was great. It's still great now just different to what you're currently experiencing cos it's not new and unexpected. It's years of intimacy and knowing what works, and on top of all that we still have a laugh."

The girls were all staring are her enraptured.

"That should be your speech," Rose said, "I'm so jealous right now. Rae, how come Ben waited so long to kiss you. Actually, strike that why didn't you kiss him? Not your style to not make the first move and after that dance, I can't believe it only just happened this evening."

"I dunno I got super nervous, and he wanted to be sure before being intimate, and then the thing with Lucinda happened."

"Ah, yes," Paige countered. "His oh so tainted past. It's not that bad, I mean it's only bad cos she's Hux's step mum."

"According to Hux she's barely even that," Phoebe offered.

"If you want my advi,"

"I don't!" Rae interrupted her; this was Paige's phrase before she gave unsolicited advice.

"Well, you're getting it anyway. You know the worst thing Ben thinks he's ever done; even got to witness it firsthand. You need to share yours. If you don't, your relationship will suffer or worse still, not even make it off the ground. That's why Wes and I have worked all these years. Equal footing and honesty, we know everything about each other."

"My greatest mistake, there are just so many to choose from, how will I pick?" Rae remarked sarcastically not taking Paige seriously. "Left hand please." Paige swapped her drink to her other hand and did as requested, eyeing the nails on her right.

"What about that guy you were with when you were seventeen. The alcoholic who was twice your age and broke his leg between the wall and a vending machine." Rose said being completely unhelpful.

"Not really my biggest mistake more like his," Rae joked. However, she realised Paige and Rose would know her greatest mistake; there was very little about her life they didn't know.

"The thing with Evan. Let him know about that and that he isn't alone in making mistakes." Paige said, downing her drink with satisfaction.

"Hey take it easy I know it's your wedding day tomorrow, but you don't wanna be hungover walking down the aisle." Phoebe reprimanded.

"I'm not telling Ben about Evan. It's the worst thing I've ever done."

"Rae that's the point cos I'm pretty sure he feels the same about Lucinda."

No one spoke for a while.

"All done," Rae said wiping Paige's fingernails and stretching. Paige took her hand back.

"Lush thanks. Can you do my toes?"

"Uh," Rae groaned. "Phoebe, you're next. Did you decide nude or blue to match the dress?"

"Um nude," Phoebe replied.

There was a knock on the door.  
"Oh, that'll be Finn; I'll get it," Rose said, leaping off the bed, "I asked him to bring more booze."

"Do we need more booze?" Phoebe said.

"Lighten up Pheebs. I'm getting married." Paige ordered.

Rose opened the door.  
"Oh, Ben, hi. Sorry thought you were Finn with more drink."

Rae gave the girl's a confused frown and headed to the door, throwing a hoodie over her boxers and T-Shirt combo as she did.

"Hi, Rose... um... I thought this was Rae's room."

"It is we're just hanging,"

"Thanks, Rose I got this," Rae said as she joined them at the door and Rose moved back inside.

"Ben, everything ok?"

"Yeah, I... um... I'm sorry... I thought you'd be alone."

"We're hanging, kind of the last night of all being single, well, unmarried kind of thing. Getting some of the prep for tomorrow done."

"Speak for yourself I've never been single!" Paige shouted from inside.

"Are you all sleeping here tonight?" he asked, peering into the room.

"No, but Paige is just for tonight," Rae responded. "You know 'the groom can't see the bride before the wedding' tradition."

Ben was acting weirdly, he was fidgeting and appeared to be silently distressed. Rae stepped into the corridor leaving the door to her room ajar so they could have some privacy, although the amount of privacy one could have in a hotel corridor was limited.

"Was, was there something you wanted?" she asked, peering up at him, trying to read his face.

"I uh, I," Rae couldn't figure out if this were his stutter or him struggling to say what he wanted. He wasn't looking at her eyes which he usually did, and intensely, but at her lips. He shook his head as though attempting to break a trance. "It's nothing, sorry, I'll uh, I'll see you in the morning."

"Ben," she grasped his hand and now the wretched look he gave her she understood. He had come here with a purpose, and the girls in her room had deterred him. He was craving what she was. Unlike him, however, her self control was weaker, she'd always been impulsive in the past, and now she knew what it felt like she had no intention of holding back anymore. She stepped forward grasping his face in her hands and locked lips with his. This kiss wasn't the soft sensual sweetness that it had been on the hillside it was hard and desperate, and he gave into it immediately. Grasping her lower back and pushing her against the wall. Her hands were in his hair at the nape of his neck, holding him to her. His warm fingers went under her top moving up her back, pulling her close to him, lips locked on each other fiercely. She tasted his lips, and within their mouths, a dance ensued, like a tango where two people meet but were pulled apart and then came together again. There was a sense of urgency and sounds escaped from them both as nothing they did seemed to satiate their thirst. She felt as though she was melting into him, absorbed as he insistently pushed her against the wall and thrust her hips towards him. She could feel him, all of him and she moaned into him, allowing her leg to rise slightly around him as he bent down into her.

"Get a room would you," a voice broke the moment, and they pulled away from each other, remembering they were not alone but in a hotel corridor. Finn gave them a smug look before knocking on the door they were next to and handing Rose, who was apparently eavesdropping near the door, a bag of drink.

Ben watched Finn walk off, his hands were still on her hips, and her shoulders were leaning back against the wall pressing her hips forward against his lower body. She laughed lightly raising a hand to her mouth in embarrassment.

"Shit!" is all he could say as he looked down at her, smiling.

"I, I could come to your room later tonight?" she said, looking at him.

He exhaled and gave her that look.

"No. No stay with Paige it's important. We have all the time in the world." He bent down and kissed her again this time sweet and lingering his hand caressed her face gently, his fingers catching a tendril of her hair as he pulled away. "I'm gonna go take a cold shower, drink a few whiskeys. Night." He released her hair and walked away.

"Night," she called after him.

Rae watched him walk down the corridor then re-entered the room, and the girls who had clearly been hovering by the door raced back to their previous positions, and she eyed them suspiciously as their fake expressions broke into grins and smirks. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she headed back to the chair.

"I have a suspicion that the sex is going to be disappointing cos the build-up is just too good," Rose joked.

Phoebe hit her on the arm, "Don't say that."

"It won't be disappointing, nothing about him is disappointing and the way I feel about him, the way he makes me feel it won't be. It's just not possible." Rae settled back down where she'd been sat and exhaled loudly. "Right toes," she said, taking Paige's foot and started to paint them in the same light grey.


	23. The Wedding

The girls were all in Rae's room getting ready. The wedding was at noon so they'd all gotten up around 8 am breakfasted and were now preparing a process of showers, clothes, hair and makeup. Rose was doing Paige's hair while in her pyjamas. Paige and Rose's mum and any other relatives were banned due to their demanding and pushy behaviour at every dress excursion, shoe shop and generally every decision Paige made.   
Phoebe was doing her own hair, and Rae was about to jump in the shower. They were all vaguely humming along to the music playing in the background. It was early, and so it was a mixture of girly sing along but bluesy rather than depressing- Julia Stone, Norah Jones and Cat Power.

"I'm gonna shower and warm up the vocal cords," Rae said as she exited the room for her en suite. She wasn't feeling particularly nervous; she'd sung the pieces loads of times, knew it off by heart so didn't need lyrics and she didn't need to worry about an accompanist. They'd done a run-through yesterday regarding where she'd be standing. Thankfully due to the outdoors setting, there would be no microphone to worry about regarding levels which suited her cos she hated them. The issue was that she wasn't a naturally good performer; she didn't easily engage with her audience. Rae liked having something to hold and pretend to be looking at. At open mics singing acapella she often sang with her eyes closed and occasionally, even though she knew she looked weird, she'd open one eye slightly to see how it was going. Today, however, required looking somewhere but also not scarily staring at just one person; she'd look at Ben, and she'd tell him later, so he didn't freak him out.

Clean, shaven and legs nicely fake tanned Rae exited the shower and saw Phoebe was pretty much ready.

"Phoebe, can you give me a hand with my hair? You know the back always looks shit if I do it myself."

"Sure. All warmed up?"

"Yeah," Rae said as she started up the hairdryer.

"Right my turn to shower, the bride is all yours for god's sake don't let her get plastered," Rose said as she went to wash.

"I'm fine will you relax," Paige answered as she began her makeup with tinted moisturiser. Paige didn't ever really do makeup, and what she did was subtle. Rae and Phoebe would be giving her a hand with a few minor touches, which would take a matter of moments. Rae planned some mascara, a touch of blush and lightener to make Paige's cheekbones glimmer and some subtle eyeshadow and liners to make Paige's eyes pop in the photos.

Once the bridesmaids were ready and dressed, and Paige's makeup was flawless, it was time to get Paige into her wedding dress. Bizarrely Paige's shoes went on before dress, lace-up gladiator-style sandals in white and grey which were easier to attach pre dress rather than after under layers of fabric, they'd learnt this the hard way at the fitting. Her dress was simple, nothing fancy or covered in jewels and lace. A triangle-shaped top with spaghetti straps Paige always thought she looked best in her bikini top or sports bra, so finding a dress with a shaped similarly top was just perfect. The skirt was layers of light see-through tulle. What made it stunningly beautiful were the hints of colour- it wasn't white. Paige hadn't wanted a block colour dress or a typical 'I'm not having a white dress' dress, which for some reason meant black or red and steampunk style. The dress was subtly grey with darker hints interspersed throughout like watercolour. They were zipping Paige up and fanning out the layers of the skirt when there was a knock on the door.

"Father of the bride, reporting for duty," came a call from the other side of the door.

Rose went to let in her dad Emmett as Paige gave a shimmy in her dress to get comfortable.

"Paige, you look incredible," Phoebe exclaimed.

"Not too shabby, hey?" she responded, taking a look in the mirror. She looked like Queen Titania from a Midsummers Nights Dream, made more so by the sandals and her hair; two small braids pulled together loosely at the back shaping her face interlaced with blue flowers. As her dad entered the room, he stopped in his tracks and started to well up.

"OK waterworks don't start I'm currently feeling psyched so don't go killing my buzz. Guys get the old man and me some booze and then let's get this show on the road. I'M GETTING MARRIED!"

More prosecco was drunk, and then the bridesmaids departed, tottering down the corridor laden with bouquets and buttonholes heading for the reception where Hux, Finn and Ben were waiting for them along with the wedding party who all needed to depart on the pre-booked minibus.

"Buttonholes!" Rose demanded, shoving a paper button-hole in the boys' direction.

"You look very nice," Ben said to Rae as she attached the buttonhole to his jacket.

"You surprised? I can scrub up well when I want to."

"I always think you look nice, you just look very nice right now," he said as he lightly stroked her arm.

"Thanks," she kissed him on the cheek. "When I go up to sing, I'm gonna focus on you ok, cos I think I'm going to panic otherwise."

"Ok," he responded still stroking her arm giving her that look that made her stomach go into knots. He looked great in a suit and blue was a great colour on him even if it was only in his tie.

"All aboard the bus!" someone hollered, so they departed on mass and got in the minibus that was taking them to the venue.

At the venue Rae, Rose and Phoebe had to greet guests with Wesley and his best-man Russell. Rae had met Russell a few times; he was a doctor friend of Wesley's. Rae had known Wes since high school when he and Paige had got together, but other than the odd pub venture Russell wasn't someone she'd spent a lot of time with, but he was pleasant enough.

The venue was a marquee in a field with woods adjoining it; within the trees was where the actual ceremony would be happening. There was even a cute little brook that ran into a pond complete with pond lilies and ducks. The wedding party had free reign of all of it. It was a beautiful wood with huge old beeches creating a green canopy through which dappled light shone. Other than a few more of the paper flowers, other decorations were sparse. Given the beautiful surroundings, more decorations were deemed unnecessary. At night it would be all lit by candles, which were everywhere, and fairy lights. In the clearing Rae, Rose and Pheobe greeted people and pointed them towards the wooden seating that fanned out from the arbour of branches where Wesley currently stood with Russell and the officiate.

As Paige's arrival became imminent Rose and Finn, Phoebe and Hux and Rae and Ben left the clearing and stood awaiting her entrance on the entrance to the wood. When she did arrive, the DJ began playing the Darkness I Believe in a Thing Called Love, each of the bridesmaids made their entrance with their partners, and Paige followed behind. Wesley stood and watched as Paige practically trotted down the aisle with her dad and everyone danced, laughed and cheered.

The wedding itself involved the traditional ceremony, 'do you take this man' and 'do you take this woman' but also vows Paige and Wesley had written to each other. Nothing religious more humanist and heartfelt and when the officiate pronounced them husband and wife Wesley stepped forward and embraced Paige leaning her far back and giving her a romantic kiss, her foot rising off the ground to create a fan with her dress.

"Hollywood kiss!" he announced as he pulled them both upright and they rose their hands in celebration as the guests whooped and cheered and some (Ben) wolf-whistled. The bride and groom vacated the wood to register the wedding with the signing of the book, and that was Rae's cue to take her spot at the side of the arbour to sing 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand'. To start with, she scanned the guests as she sang, but as they had nothing else to look at she began to get nervous. The crowd's eyes were all on her, it was broad daylight, and she had nowhere to hide. She could feel her top lip trembling a little and was grateful for the prosecco this morning. To stop herself trembling and quivering and generally freaking out she looked at Ben, his steady gaze calming her. However, the relief she felt from looking at Ben and having had a few drinks was short-lived when having finished her song, she practically stacked it trying to walk back to her seat. She managed to pretend it was some ridiculous, terrible curtsey as she did a weird sort of squat with her legs crossed. As she got back to her seat trying not to look embarrassed, Ben whispered to her,

"Impressively accident prone." 

She smiled at him, "That's me in a nutshell, remember."

Wesley and Paige's returned to rounds of applause.  
"Can you be please be upstanding for Dr& Mrs Marten," the officiate announced.

"Let's get this party started!" Wesley cheered as everyone followed Dr & Mrs Marten towards the marquee where bubbly and canapes were being served. The bridal party barely had time to finish one canape before they were called upon for the photoshoot. The photographer took a range of photos; cute photos, amusing photos, artistic photos and then couple only photos. It was a good hour before a few massive group shots were taken and everyone was free. More bubbly was enjoyed in the grounds outside the marquee or in the woods while everyone waited to be seated for the main meal. Standing in the field sipping another glass of bubbly Rae was very glad she'd chosen wedges, or she'd be sinking into the grass.

"Oh my god I'm starving, and this bubbly is going straight to my head," she said as she stood with the others.

"Wish I'd got the same shoes as you guys, my feet are killing me!" Rose interjected as she leaned heavily on Finn.

"Well, there are those cheap flip flops available to all when the dancing starts," Phoebe offered.

"Oh, good shout. I'll grab some on the way to food which should be soon; please let it be soon," Rose said, turning towards the marquee hopefully.

"Did you not have breakfast?" Finn asked.

"No, we did, but you know the day in the life of a bridesmaid is hard work, and there has been a lot of bubbly and we missed all the pretty little snacks," Rae stated.

"You're in luck," Hux said as he pointed towards the marquee where someone was ringing a bell.

They were all sat on a table together facing the head table on which sat Wesley, Paige and their parents. Food was a set 3-course meal- the starter was a mozzarella salad, main was beef and vegetables, and dessert was lemon tart throughout which the table wine flowed freely and then it was time for the speeches. Rose was the first at the table to start crying, closely followed in joint second by both Rae and Phoebe. By Wesley's speech, Hux and Finn were looking a little red-eyed and Ben kept pursing his lips uncomfortably until, over the table he reached for Rae's freehand, the one that wasn't wiping away her own tears.

"Are you ok?" she whispered.

"I'm just very moved, two people, finding each other making that commitment to each other, very moved."

Rae squeezed his hand and held it as they continued listening to the speeches.

After the speeches came the cutting of the cake, or in this case several wheels of cheese stacked like cake. More drinks flowed as guests mingled and explored. The evening guests were arriving and amongst them was Poe, dressed in navy trousers, a floral shirt, navy waistcoat and bow tie and escorted by a vision with dark hair-Clarabelle.

"Poe, you made it and may I say you are looking very suave Sir!"

"Thanks, you girls look great," Poe said as he hugged Phoebe, Rose and Rae giving them each a double kiss, one on each cheek.

"Very dapper Sir, very dapper," Rae said as they embraced.

"Clarabelle, so good to see you," Ben greeted kindly.

Clarabelle smiled at the group embarrassedly as Poe returned to her wrapping his arm about her waist.

The sky began to darken, earlier than expected for June, a sign of a potential rain storm coming in and although that was potentially disappointing for the evening it did mean that as the sun began to set the clouds that had drawn in were painted in shades of red, pink and orange and suddenly the potential for some exquisite wedding photos had to be taken. They all watched the sunset, and the photographer finished taking photographs then candles were lit, and the fairy lights came on, and everyone was asked to head back inside in time for the first dance. Everyone stood in a circle around the dancefloor, phones ready to record or photograph as Paige and Wesley took to the floor, and much to the surprise of the spectators to Tim Minchin's You Grew On Me.

_You grew on me like a tumour_   
_And you spread through me like malignant melanoma_   
_And now you're in my heart_   
_I should've cut you out back at the start_

_Now I'm afraid there's no cure for me_   
_No dose of emotional chemotherapy_   
_Can halt my pathetic decline_   
_I should've had you removed back when you were benign_

At the edge of the dancefloor, Ben hung his head, trying and failing to stifle a laugh.  
"Perfect, isn't it?" Rae said, smiling at him.

"Yeah, it is. Perfectly fitting of both their love and their profession."

As the next verse started, everyone was invited to join so Rae and Ben took to the floor with the others. His hand in the small of her back the other entwined with hers as they moved together gently.

_I picked you up like a virus_   
_Like meningococcal meningitis_   
_Now I can't feel my legs_   
_When you're around, I can't get out of bed_

_I've left it too late to risk an operation_   
_I know there's no hope of a clean amputation_   
_The successful removal of you_   
_Would probably kill me, too_

"I know we discussed the pros of doing a Fat Boy Slim Video, but this is way better."

"Agreed," Ben said, smiling down at her, "There's always time for that later though."

Rae laughed.

"Now nothing fancy Mr Sullivan, I don't want a repeat performance of that dance from the night club, wouldn't be appropriate." Rae joked.

Ben smiled again, "No promises."

"Where did you learn to dance like that?"

Ben blushed and went quiet for a moment.  
"I ... uh... learnt when I was... younger."

Rae thought she understood his apprehension and responded.  
"You can say Lucinda if that's what's it was, I don't mind."

Ben stopped moving them and looked down at her frowning.

_Bollocks!_

Rae tried to move them again as the next verse started, and although he began to move gently, he wouldn't look at her. They continued awkwardly in silence for a while as the third verse continued and in an attempt to fix what she'd said, Rae leaned into him, resting her head upon his chest.

_You grew on me like carcinoma_   
_Crept up on me like untreated glaucoma_   
_Now I find it hard to see_   
_This untreated dose of you has blinded me_

_I should've consulted my local physician_   
_I'm stuck now forever with this tunnel vision_   
_My periphery is screwed_   
_Wherever I look now, all I see is you_

As the song ended, everyone clapped and cheered the happy couple, Ben removed himself from Rae's hands and without a word or a look walked outside the marquee into the rain.

_Shit._


	24. You Have Bewitched Me

"Ben!" Rae had followed him outside, and outside it was raining. It was early dusk, but she couldn't see him in the fields around the marquee, so she headed for the wood and the clearing where the ceremony had taken place. Ben stood under the arbour.  
"Ben!?" she cried again. No answer. Rae perched at the edge of the seating area not sure if he'd heard her or if he was choosing not to respond. Despite the beeches' substantial canopy, rain dripped in heavy droplets through the leaves into the clearing where they stood.

Ben began pacing back and forth from one side of the arbour to the other, then he stopped and turned to her, "Is it going to be like this every time I don't want to share something, you assume it's about Lucinda?"

For a moment Rae didn't respond she didn't want an argument, but this bullshit about Lucinda had to stop.  
"Well, did she teach you to dance?"

"Lucinda taught me a lot of things but nothing that left the bedroom."  
He said it angrily and that side of him she'd seen that Sunday, when Lucinda had turned up to his apartment unannounced, was there. When he saw her lack of reaction, however, he immediately calmed.  
"Sorry." He swept his wet hair from his face. "The truth is my mum took me dancing with her when I was a kid because my dad wouldn't go with her. Not exactly cool, and that's why I didn't want to share."

"I wouldn't have minded, either way, Ben. Your mum or Lucinda."  
She watched as rainwater from his hair dripped onto his face as he scrutinised her. His face was tormented and filling with shame and self-loathing; she had to make him see. See that there was no need for shame or guilt or for his past to become between them.  
"Our past relationships and our ex's are the past for a reason. We learn, and we move on."

"What I had with Lucinda was never a relationship."

_Fucks sake._ Rae walked down the aisle to the arbour took him roughly by the arm and made him look at her.

"Ben, I get it. I was with someone I shouldn't have been with when I was seventeen. Shit at home was awful, and he was... well he was an alcoholic who was twice my age. I didn't actually like him he was, well he was vile. I just wanted something away from all of that, something that was just mine. So I get it. We've all done it. Well, maybe not Paige but most people."

"Were you with him long?"

"No, I finished with him pretty pronto when he broke his leg drunk between a wall and a vending machine, and I'm pretty sure he pissed himself when I introduced him to my mates at this pub, thankfully we were sat on a bench outside."

Ben eyed her like she was making stuff up, "He pissed himself? Really?"

"Yeah, real classy guy," Rae nodded.

"So you didn't let it go on for years just what a month or so? It's nowhere near the same thing."

_Uh. According to Ben, they were having a contest of who had done the worst thing._

"Ben, I've done awful things as an adult too. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I didn't care. I went through a horrible break up, got with someone I'd liked and known for years shortly afterwards. I wasn't getting the attention I wanted from him, and I ended up taking his best friend home, Evan. Practically had sex in an alley, did have sex at mine. I cheated and then tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I tried to pretend it was ok because my heart had been broken, but it wasn't ok. In my books, cheating is the worst thing you can ever do, and I did it.  
I used to think I had no regrets, but I do, and I'm glad. I'm glad I have regrets because I've learnt from them. It's how I know the real thing now I've found it because I can't miss it; it hits you, bam, like lightning."

Rae relaxed her hold on his arm a little but still held him softly.  
"The point is it doesn't matter to me what happened with Lucinda or even if you had ten such relationships. In the immortal words of Tommy Lee Jones- I don't care!"

Ben smiled at the Fugitive reference. He was sodden, and she could make out his firm body under his wet shirt. He looked at her intensely and any fear she felt at telling him about Evan disappeared as she lost herself in those dark pools. For a while, they stood just looking at each other. She spoke first, her hands on his chest.

"I want you. All of you. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. All of you."

He looked at her steadfastly.  
"It's the worst thing about me, and you know it, and you're ok with it?"

"If it's the worst thing about you I don't think we have much to worry about."

He closed his eyes for a moment and rested his head on hers.  
"You have bewitched me body and soul and I lo...I lov..." Ben growled at his stutters' timing. "Why is it so hard to say to you what I have already admitted to myself and others." He closed his eyes and took a breath, then reopened them and focused on her intently.  
"I love you."

"You love me? We've not even been... you know been intimate yet. How can you be so sure?"

"You said it yourself, the boy you were with when you were seventeen you loved him, but you never had sex. Right?"

"Yeah."

"I know how I feel and how I've felt for a while. I love you. I love you." He placed his hands over hers upon his chest, "I love you."

Rae's chest swelled, and she wasn't sure if she was crying as the rain was also trickling down her face, but she knew what she felt.

"I didn't want to believe what I felt so quickly, it's betrayed me before, but this time it's different. I have never felt like this about anybody. It's not infatuation; it's not lust, it's love, it is. I love you." She pressed against him as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. It was different from their last kiss and their first; not timid or hungry. It was a seal with their lips of mutual sentiment acknowledged, accepted and rejoiced. Foreheads resting on each others' and eyes closed as they breathed the moist warm air between them Rae spoke, "Rose reckons our sex is gonna be shit because the build-up is too good."

Ben laughed, "It won't be."

"I agree."

"Even if it is, we've got all the time in the world to practise."

"You are on." Rae smiled at hime before kissing him again this time grasping the back of his neck, "We should get back inside, get dry and join the others. You do not want to miss the silent disco."

"Silent disco?" he queried, looking confused.

Hand in hand, they walked back to the marquee and towards the bathrooms to dry out or at least make an attempt to look presentable again.

Inside the marquee, back at the dancefloor looking damp but otherwise respectable Ben gaped at the sight on the dancefloor. People were enthusiastically shuffling to unheard music. All that could be heard was the scuffing of shoes, and occasionally someone would sing along tunelessly to a song that they could hear.   
"So this is a silent disco, bit fucking weird."

"I always think dance scenes in films must be like this because they don't have the music, it gets put in later. People are dancing to nothing," Rae said, handing him headphones. "So there are two channels, one for each DJ and you listen to whichever one you want."

Ben plonked his on and grimaced, "Think this channel is for Paige's family- Steps!"

Rae placed hers on, and sure enough, 5,6,7,8 by Steps was on, and she could see some people on the dancefloor attempting the moves but obviously having no idea what the actual steps were. _Amatures_. She had a fondness for Steps having learnt all the moves for a job after uni at an outdoor activity centre for kids, maybe she'd save that nugget of embarrassment, however, for another time. She switched the channel and could hear what Ben was now bouncing about to, it was cheesy but more their thing- Bryan Adams Summer of 69. They went and joined Poe, Clarabelle, Hux, Phoebe, Rose, Finn and Dr&Mrs Marten who were all clearly listening to the same thing. Several hours passed with Bon Jovi Living on a Prayer, Aerosmith Walk This Way, Guns n Roses Sweet Child of Mine, Journey Don't Stop Believing. For a while the music went a little more modern Arctic Monkeys I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor, Jet Are You Gonna Be My Girl, Killers Mr Brightside, Kings of Leon Sex is on Fire, Fall Out Boy My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark. At one point Rae and Ben started giggling immensely and prancing about like idiots and striking odd poses with the others looking at them slightly baffled; Fat Boy Slim Praise You was being played, the song they'd joked about dancing to at this wedding. Some similar tracks followed Hot Chip Over and Over, CSS Let's Make Love but as the evening went on fun cheese returned with more Guns n Roses Paradise City, Queen Don't Stop Me Now and Bon Jovi It's My Life. As the evening came to a close everyone was told to get into a circle around Dr& Mrs Marten for the last song of the evening, and both DJ's played the same song Queen Bohemian Rhapsody.

That was it the end of the wedding, months of planning and sorting, and it was over so quickly. Some guests shuffled off into taxis others unwilling for the party to be over were checking all the wine bottles for a semblance of any alcohol left. The bridal party helped put the table decorations into boxes gathered up the candles and fairy lights and wrapped up the cheese. It would be less to do tomorrow when everyone's heads would almost certainly be hurting and fuzzy.

They were standing outside in the dark waiting for the minibus back to the hotel, and Rae was side stepping to keep warm.

"Here, you're cold," Ben said, shrugging off his suit jacket and placing it on her shoulders.  
She could feel the remnants of his body warmth in the lining.

"Thanks."

The waiting went on longer than anticipated, and the warmth provided by the excessive amounts of alcohol was fading fast. Ben stood behind Rae and held her tightly nuzzling into her neck.

"Cold?" she queried.

"A little. Be warm soon enough."

Finally, the minibus arrived, and they all gratefully got on.

Back at the hotel, a few guests were continuing to party at the bar.

"You want a drink? More wine? Nightcap?" Ben asked.

"I'll take a port, actually make that a few ports; we can take them up to the room."

"We? The room?" he peered down at her, his eyes soft and questioning.

She took his arm by the elbow, "No more waiting, I intend on breaking the no intimacy till we're sure clause because we're sure, right?"

He gave her a small smile then kissed her gently on the cheek, except it was more her neck along her jawline and she faltered. He returned from the bar with a bottle of port and a bottle of whiskey, and she raised her eyebrows at him.

"Easier to carry than loads of glasses."

"No complaints." She could certainly do with some alcohol-induced courage. The tidying of the venue and the cold wait for the bus had sobered her up horribly. They said goodnight to everyone and headed upstairs to cheers and whoops from Rose and Finn.

Within Ben's room, he poured them both a drink and Rae took off his jacket and placed it on the back of a chair. The drink he handed her was equivalent to a small glass of wine but with port and she sipped at it gratefully feeling the warmth fill her as she swallowed. Ben gulped his whiskey in practically one go. He was nervous she could see, and she felt the same; she drank her port more enthusiastically as he got himself another. As he finished it quickly, she placed her empty glass on the table and started to undo his tie. He put his glass on the table and took a lock of her hair in his hand as she loosened the tie and then used it as a lasso to pull him towards her.

Their lips touched still laced with alcohol. Rae hated whiskey, but second hand, it tasted sweet and mixed with the port it was fantastic. His hands held her firmly by her bare shoulders, and his thumbs kneaded her skin. She let go of her hold on his tie, her body pressed against him, and she laid her hands upon his chest. Despite the intensity of their bodies against each other, the kiss was delicate and explorative; Rae tasted his lips, pulled his bottom lip gently with her teeth or traced his teeth with the tip of her tongue. Ben's one hand on her shoulder now went to her neck and held it firmly as his mouth left hers and kissed the crook of her neck, the lobe of her ear and moved lower. Rae sighed out as her knees buckled slightly, and she leaned into him more for support. She struggled to focus and maintain some semblance of self-control, so to avoid collapsing completely as his kisses nearly melted her resolve, she began the task of unbuttoning his shirt. Rae surprised herself by how quickly she managed to complete the task while Ben sampled every inch of her neck and collar bone, every now and again Ben seemed to be trying to devour her as his teeth enclosed around delicate flesh or muscle. In those moments, her ability to undo the buttons failed as she considered that she would happily allow him to eat her alive.

Eventually, however, she won and opened his shirt reaching her hands up to allow his shoulders to be released. Despite his apparent preoccupation, he helped by leaning his shoulders forward or removing an arm to let his shirt to fall to the floor. She had seen the evidence on several occasions first hand but still found it interesting how a man as big as he was could be so hairless. The smooth skin of his chest was soft and flawless to the touch yet at the same time hard and muscled, the only hair on his torso was the trail heading south from his naval. As his mouth headed back north to smother hers, her hands went south to tackle the next button on his trousers.

Her scent was driving him crazy, as was the taste of her on his tongue. Port tasted sweet, but unlike the burn which whiskey gave, it had a hint of fruit. It had stained her lips gloriously when she pulled him to her and now it mixed with the sweet taste of her skin. Her long neck is elegant, and he is learning every inch of it. Beneath his kisses, her nimble fingers occasionally falter as her resolve crumbles at what is clearly a sweet spot which he has found. What makes her come undone and press against him are when his teeth graze her skin, and she practically melts when he bites the muscle of her shoulder. However, her efforts have not been thwarted, and she has now removed his shirt, fingers tracing his flesh lightly as though his skin might break like ice under her touch. He helps her remove his shirt and goes back to taste that rich sweet flavour of her mouth. She sighs into him and makes him frenzied, but she is still resolved as her hands now attempt to undo his trousers.

There is only one desire now, one mutual wish. It had always been there; it had only ever been a matter of time. Ben takes her hands just as her goal is accomplished and he allows his trousers to fall to the floor, and he steps out of them. He ends the kiss looking down at her trying to quell his desire to tear her dress from her body. Her cheeks are blushed, and her eyes are half-lidded her lashes flutter slightly against her cheek in expectation. He gently turns her around and brushes her hair to one side of her neck, a neck bruised from passion. He finds her zip, and with one arm around her waist holding her flat stomach, he feels her breath rise, fall and hitch and her muscles tremble as he slowly pulls the zipper down. The dress falls slowly exposing a bareback and that more secretive tattoo. He lets go his hold of her to allow the clothing to glide past her hips, revealing a simple pair of black lace knickers. His breath catches. He steps forward, and he can see his breath causing goosebumps across her back. He places his one hand back on her stomach and her muscles contract at his touch and the flesh beneath his touch, though warm, prickles with anticipation. Rae turns slightly to the side to look at him over her shoulder, and he reaches around her front with his other hand to hold her throat as he leans down and kisses her. Her back held against his chest tightly her hand holding his head to her keenly. Their kisses are deep and full of yearning and are failing to satiate their need as they desperately embrace each other. The anticipation before was all well and good, but he doesn't want to wait any longer he is aching for her. She doesn't want to wait any longer either as she turns around to face him. Skin pressed against skin, soft breasts and beating heart. He wraps his arms around her, holding her close, clasping her closer as though attempting to absorb her.

Enough waiting. Ben picks Rae up, her legs instinctively wrapping around him for support as he takes her to the bed and manages to lay her down gently. He kisses her but then pulls away grasping the edge of those lace knickers between his fingers and taking them with him as he gently pulls them slowly down her thighs, past her knees and over her toes. He is crouched down now at the bottom of the bed admiring her as she bends a knee across her body, hiding her nakedness from him. He shuddered suddenly inexplicably nervous. She reaches a hand out to him inviting his return and so he removes his boxers and climbs back up towards her.

The impression Ben makes upon Rae as he approaches her is of a hunter as it stalks its prey. His gaze is intense between broad shoulders as he prowls towards her and gently moves aside the leg she'd crossed over herself without resistance and nestles himself between her thighs. The hand she held out to him in invitation rests upon his lower back. She quivers as he relaxes his weight upon her, and she raises a leg to allow them to fit together perfectly. He has one hand upon her face as she does upon his and his hair is falling forward in dark waves. He is pursing his lips then pressing them together into a thin line; working his jaw like he's chewing on gum which is what he always does when he is thinking.

"You ok?" she asks.

"Just... nervous. I've wanted this for a really long time."

"Me too," she encloses her hand around the back of his head and pulls him towards her closing her eyes as she breathes in his scent and tastes his whiskey sweet lips.


	25. The Morning After

Rae awoke to a slither of light glinting across her face through the drawn curtains. She rolled over and placed her hand across the mountainous form that lay next to her and smiled. The dream was real; Ben Sullivan was in her bed asleep having spent most of the night fulfilling several spoken and unspoken desires. Rae had never been one to make a lot of noise during sex, if a guy was doing it right, he'd know in other ways. She always considered being overly noisy unnecessary; rude even, something for adult movies rather than real-life sex. Other women's noises had particularly bothered her during university and in some of her first rented homes in London. In her final year at university during her final exams, Rae had actually gone as far as to knock on her neighbour's door and ask that she shove some socks in her mouth or something because she needed some sleep and didn't need to hear how fantastic this girls' partner was in bed at all hours. She assumed there had been a partner; she'd never heard him, men were often quieter, why couldn't women be? She never heard the girl again, so clearly it wasn't necessary.  
Last night, however, Rae had been a little more vocal as wanton abandon took hold. She'd always been relatively easy to please or at least she was when she loved the guy, and she did love him. Last night had been no exception; what had been an exception was Ben everything about him. She'd never had sex that was so intimate; they had been so physically connected almost every molecule of them touching as Ben lay shuddering centimetres from her own quivering form before he relaxed and buried himself in her embrace.

When she'd gone to shower, he'd joined her moments later, and it hadn't been long before the 'cleansing' had turned into another bout of desire. This time slippery and sensational. Her back ached faintly from where her spine had rubbed up against the tiles. She smiled to herself as she recalled how it had started with him insisting he clean her. He'd washed down her legs, and while down there he'd kissed her inner thigh, and then he'd surprised her, having given her a devilish grin he'd bitten her thigh before continuing to kiss her sweetly. She hadn't lasted long after that before she pulled him back up and clamped her mouth upon his wishing never to let him go.

She danced her fingertips across his arm and exposed back lightly and then as carefully as possible crept from under the covers and headed to the bathroom. She observed her face in the mirror to see if she looked any different, given her state of euphoria. She then recalled that this was his hotel room and she was wearing his boxers and t-shirt from Friday. When she and Ben were finally spent and exhausted Ben had yet again lent her clothing because none of her things were in this room and Rae hated sleeping naked because she despised sticking to her own skin. She'd need her own stuff before heading to breakfast. _What time was it?_ She went back into the room and found her phone- 8.30 am. They'd not been asleep long but the way she felt she couldn't possibly go back to sleep; she was starving, and breakfast service stopped at 10 am.

Thankfully the hotel provided robes, so she placed one on and headed to her room. The hotel was quiet; no other wedding party guests seemed to be walking the corridors. In her room, Rae decided that gathering everything up she needed was too time-consuming, showering and dressing here would be easier; if she went back to Ben's room, she'd disturb him, let him sleep. She showered and dressed dried her hair put on a little makeup and packed up her stuff. It was just after 9.15 am when she finished and headed back to Ben's room to wake him.

She let herself in, and he was still soundly asleep on the bed. His back was rising and falling as he breathed. She knelt next to him and leaned over stroking his hair from his face and lightly kissing his closed eyes, his forehead, his lips.

"Uh... leave me be...no more... I'm spent I need more sleep..," he muttered as he rolled over.

"Morning."

He opened one eye and peered at her then frowned, "You're dressed?"

"Yeah went back to my room for you know my clothes. Can't very well go down for breakfast in your boxers and T-Shirt."

He smiled, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around her, "I dunno you could get away with it I reckon."

"Ben go get in the shower and let's get breakfast before there's none left. I'm famished," she said, wriggling out from his embrace.

"What time is it?" he said, rubbing a hand over his face and through his hair.

"It's 9.30 am, and they stop serving at 10."

"Ok, ok, I'm up." 

He bolted up with a sudden surge of energy from nowhere and headed for the bathroom. Rae heard the shower start, and moments later, it stopped, and he returned wet and steaming. Images from the night before flashed before her eyes and she had to give herself a shake and bite her lip to stop herself mauling him. He dressed quickly, then turned to her.

"Let's do this. I'm starving."

She smiled at him, playfully, "Yeah, can't think why."

They entered the dining area hand in hand, Phoebe, Hux, Finn, Rose and the new Dr&Mrs Marten were sat already enjoying breakfast. They sat with them, ordering tea and coffee before heading to the buffet. Rae returned to the table before Ben did.

"So?" Rose whispered.

All eyes on her, Rae gave Rose a telling smile.

"I do believe Rae got laid," Paige chimed.

"Congratulations!" Finn clinked his orange juice glass against hers.

"Ok, shhh!" she said as Ben sat beside her.

"Sleep well, Boss?" Finn said, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling broadly. 

Hux playfully smacked him on the back of the head. Ben smirked and ate his food without comment. Everyone sat munching on fruit and croissants and drinking tea or coffee reminiscing about the best parts of the wedding the day before and where everyone was headed now. Life going forward for many of them was going to be quite different in the long term.

................................

Ben sat at his usual table at Maz's, staring out over the dark water of the Thames. The streetlights had been on for hours as was customary during winter months, and they glittered on the surface of the water. Outside it was cold he could see a frame of frost around the window, but in here it was warm and cosy like it always was.

How much had changed in the last year? Hux had met Phoebe and had moved out of the apartment they had shared since university. Ben was slowly buying him out, Hux came from money, and had kindly given Ben as much time as he needed to pay him back his share of the deposit and subsequent mortgage repayments. Hux now lived in Kingston, a great area if you could afford it along a nicer stretch of the Thames one that actually looked pretty in the daytime. Hux and Phoebe had bought a very decently sized house, a three-bedroom Victorian end of terrace with a considerable garden perfect for raising the family they planned on having. Colossal ginger giants were what Rose called them. Given Hux's colouring, and how tall he and Phoebe both were that prediction was fair. At the weekends Ben travelled down to help them to do the house up, structurally it was sound but incredibly dated. He couldn't help with plumbing or plastering, but he was helping where he could- demolishing and with the new kitchen cabinets and some bespoke shelving. Ben missed living with his friend. He and Hux had been inseparable since they first met in high school, best friend's for sixteen plus years and not living with him now was strange. He saw him in work every day, and most weekends, so it wasn't like he didn't see him it was just different, but this was all part of growing up; they had their own lives.

The club was no longer where they spent most of their time. They'd hang at someone's digs. If they felt particularly wild, they'd go to a quiet pub for a few drinks and a chat. Mostly they hung at Ben's apartment or at Hux and Phoebe's sitting playing board games, and music just as they had at Phoebe's birthday party weekend down in Dorset. Paige and Wesley were pregnant, which Paige was hating, and Hux and Phoebe were burdened with doing up their home. The club was a special occasion only sort of event now not a weekly endeavour. Ben didn't mind; he didn't really miss it. It seemed appropriate given how life had changed that the way they socialised together did too.

The most significant change wasn't Hux moving out and in with Phoebe and him living alone or the way they now socialised. The most profound change was in him; his life had changed; he had changed. No longer the lone sentinel standing watch or the 'psycho' who didn't speak. Suddenly smiling and laughing had become second nature, and a goofball part of his personality had appeared from nowhere, and now he was known as a prankster at work rather than the silent partner.

It was all due to the girl chatting with Maz at the counter as she ordered their drinks in her leather biker jacket and boots. They'd come here after they'd finished work on his motorbike like they did most Thursdays. Friday night people would typically come back to his apartment to drink and chill. He says his apartment, but it's not really. She hasn't officially moved in, but she may as well have. She already has a key, and she has more than just a drawer in his dresser. She has more than half the wardrobe; they've even bought and up-cycled secondhand furniture together to put her things into. Ben has learnt that women come with stuff, stuff that makes his once clean industrial home suddenly colourful and homely. Her sewing machine and art supplies are in the snug, and they often sit in there together her being creative while he reads. When she's not sewing he reads out loud to her, sometimes she reads to them. They regularly spend their weekends walking around London, chilling at Borough market, strolling around the copious museums and galleries, walking along Southbank, reading in parks. They go to live music events both local and bigger gigs at Electric Ballroom and Roundhouse in Camden and the AliPali (Alexander Palace). The sport he used to do with Hux he now does with her, rock climbing, swimming, cycling, sometimes they do it with Hux and Phoebe; some joint holidays are planned involving hiking and climbing and cycling.

Even work is going well; the Bullseye account mercifully closed to everyone's satisfaction without having to get nasty over contracts and payment. They still work with StarKiller and Phoebe who firmly informed them that she was a lawyer and uninterested in modelling for them has bowed and agreed to do the odd photoshoot- which helps pay for the work to be done to the house. At work events, Rae and Phoebe are often at his and Hux's side. Rae calms him in moments where he has to talk to clients, but even that is easier now than it was before- no more stutter and no more awkward silences. Yes, he is content more than content, he's happy. Life is good.

He's bought her something, something to truly make her living with him official. Tonight he'll ask her and tomorrow will be the 'we're officially living together' party that he's organised. It's likely going to be like every other Friday night at their place, but he's invited a few more people than usual- Finn and Rose, Paige and Wesley, Hux and Phoebe, Poe and Clarabelle, DJ Mike and a few others- Russell from the wedding, Rebecca from work.

Rae returns to their table with a hot chocolate and a camomile tea.

"Thanks."

She takes a sip and contentedly sighs as she looks out the window over the river.

"Rae."

"Hmmm," she murmured without looking at him.

He reaches into his pocket and takes out the item to represent what he's bought her, he places it on the table and slides it towards her. The sound pulls her gaze from the river to the table and the object in front of her. To the naive or unfamiliar onlooker, it might look like he's supplied her with a block of wood, but her face lights up at the sight of it. It's not exactly rectangular, and one end is narrower than the other, and the top is white and thick with varnish.

"Ben, have you bought me a piano?" she asked as she gently runs her finger along the length of the key.

He smiled at her a silent response to her question.

"You know a piano won't fit in my flat."

He ran a hand through his hair as she looked at him quizzically.  
"I thought maybe it could live at my apartment... and that maybe you could too, more... permanently."

She leaned back and eyed him suspiciously a grin on her face; she liked to tease him in this manner, to make him squirm and say precisely what he meant.

"Ben, are you asking me to move in with you? Permanently?"

"Yes. I want to wake up and see you, you wake up and see me. I want you there all the time. You and all your shit."

"My shit?"

"Yeah, your stuff, your noise, your colour all of your shit."

"Including my ever-unpredictable mood swings."

He laughed, "Yes, even those."

"Well, as long as you're sure then I'd love to, I don't think there is anything I want more than to live the rest of my life at your side."

Ben smiled and leaned across the table towards her, Rae being considerably shorter had to stand to seal the deal with an affectionate kiss. Rae couldn't be happier as she sat back down and finished her hot chocolate. She was going to be officially living with Ben Sullivan, a man who'd made her realise what love and life were really like and how amazingly wonderful both could be.


	26. A note from your humble author

If you've just finished reading this story thank you so much!

Unlike my Star wars fanfictions, this is very much more personal, my humour, my interests, my life in my twenties in London and earlier. Several chapters happened to me- you can't make this kind of shit up!

As such this book has been somewhat semi-autobiographical which is why I've written it without Star Wars names as well.  
"Music and Silence" by BethanBallard on Wattpad https://my.w.tt/BEXJ7WyCzX

I've referenced a lot of music so here is the Music and Silence playlist that accompanies the story. It's in chapter order so if you listen to it on random, it will be really random. Heavy metal then classical, then covers and it'll also make no sense with regards to the story if you're attempting to figure out what on earth I'm talking about.

  
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4rgiBWWBvrzp0oehzuw1Ar?si=yonJFwqfRm-4RRYXWu15rw

Thanks again to everyone who's read and commented.  
Big love.  
Beth.


End file.
